My Story So far

by ILoveTTATT 14 Replies latest jw friends

  • ILoveTTATT
    ILoveTTATT

    I hope I have not fully screwed up, it seems like my friends whom I have told my true feelings realy, really, deep down inside, love me, and that's why they have not gone to the elders. Also probably because they know that I love them and would NEVER tell them something if I wasn't 100% convinced and knew that it wasn't true.

    I guess I can tell you a bit of my story so you can help:

    I just started fully grasping the TATT very recently. Definitely, breaking up with my last girlfriend was the catalyst... I remember praying to Jehovah that if I lost this girlfriend I didn't know what I was going to do... looking back, I think He (God, Jehovah, Jesus, I don't know...) listened to me and answered my prayer in a way that most JW's would see it as Satan himself answering the prayer... I learnt the truth about the truth. Somehow, some way... it hit me like a wall of bricks... to really start investigating... I think that, for most people, CoC is a must-read. It does have the "ring of truth"... I have lived in Mexico and I clearly remember a brother explaining about the Cartilla... then it turned to researching JWFacts.com's statement about "Jehovah" not appearing in the NT. I think that what helped me was to actually see things in the WT Library... I haven't stated this in the forum, but even though CoC is an excellent book, It didn't help me as much as JWFacts because, even though I believe Raymond Franz a lot more than the GB, I cannot (and most JW's can't either) personally confirm anything he says because very few people are/have been of the GB... who knows? Maybe all they do is play poker inside those meetings... maybe Raymond invented some stuff...you know what I mean? (Of course, I think he is really telling the truth about the matter, but what he says can only be corroborated by experiences similar to his within the organization)

    It is much, much different (for me, at least) to actually confirm all the crazy stuff said in the publications. I love going through the AJWRB website and confirming that the articles are actually in the WT Library CD, or the 1969 quote where "face the FACT that you won't"...

    That being said...

    I am an only child, myself and my parents live in Canada. The rest of my family is scattered all over the world. Here are the people who know my current situation:

    My GF: Knows me the best. She is a JW but it was ridiculously easy to convince her of TTATT (don't ask me how, she just accepted EVERYTHING, in like, two seconds, and now we both laugh at all the BS)

    My father: I had for the previous two or three years been reading the Bible. A couple of times I had moments of cognitive dissonance, telling my dad, "dad, every time I read the Bible, I find that it says things that are waaay different than what the Society says"... He never commented, just said to keep reading. About a month after knowing TTATT, I finally confessed to him privately that I thought this wasn't the truth, and I spilled everything to him: how the NWT was a changed Bible, how there were so many texts that proved Jesus was God (or at least, many more than the opposite way), etc... I asked him to think about WHY I was telling him this, did he think it was easy for me to tell this to him? I asked him, Why does the Society say that apostates are prideful? What, on earth, would I have to gain by telling you exactly what I am telling you now? My father is currently, slowly, convincing himself of everything I have told him. I have to learn to just give him plenty of time for him to digest things and to actually verify them for himself.

    I am sure that, if I now showed him all the blood doctrine changes and what they actually mean, he will slowly come out of the WT. He has already stated to me that I have good points, that he sees what I say to him as truthful, that he loves me and doesn't want to lose me, and that he feels like he should back down from being an MS because he cannot defend his beliefs any more. I think he is suffering right now from heavy amounts of cognitive dissonance, while at the same time trying to keep the family together. In any case, he will be a matter of just chipping away at the cult mentality. I think I can win him over. I just have to learn to give him some time...

    My mother: Almost totally in the dark. She kinda knows that I have different viewpoints than the WT, even warning me of apostasy, but mostly she does not know the full extent of what I think. She would INSTANTLY send me to the elders to DF me, and it would be a massively horrible cry-a-thon and scream-a-thon if she found out my real viewpoints. It is really hard for me to think of ways of increasing cognitive dissonance with her. She instantly has the cult mentality safeguards go up, even when she herself thinks 'other ideas'... Even when I told her, very simply, "did you know, that the word "Jehovah" never appears in any of the NT manuscripts"? She freaked out and said, WHERE does it say that in the Society's publications? (I didn't know at that time about the Insight reference, unfortunately. I only knew of Appendix 1D, which says it very indirectly)... She said, "in any case, there is a reason why Jehovah allowed this translation"... My mother is going to be one tough nut to crack (no pun intended lol).

    Friend A: A person who has studied for around two years, I showed him the changed Bible at Hebrews 1:6, I showed him other things... He believes me but still goes to the meetings... He has been really open and has said that if the things I say prove true, he will stop going to meetings. I am sure that he can be helped, he is still open-minded. He asked me why, if there were some really smart people in the JW's, why they hadn't reached the same conclusions I had. I told him to read Hassan's books... It's pretty much impossible to come to these conclusions with the information filters of the WTS...

    Friend B: A person who was a week from being baptized. She cried when I told her some of the things... she was bitter that she had been lied to... told me she had prayed for "a sign" as to whether she should have gotten baptized or not. we had a discussion over coffee. She married a born-in JW, has two small kids with him. He sent me a menacing message on Facebook telling me never to talk to his wife again, and to get "help" from the elders. Apparently he hasn't told the elders because I know stuff he has done... Unfortunately, only two weeks later and she is telling me herself to get help from the elders. I repeated to her all the things, and when she replied to me with the canned response from the elders (oh yeah, we've had false beliefs before... here's a picture of the old WT with the cross. However, we don't hide our past beliefs), I told her (after laughing at the stupidity and ignorance of that statement) that it was a fallacy. Things are slow with her, and I think that I should really change my strategy to work from the blood issue rather than the "they changed the Bible" issue... since once I do that, I have to explain WHY they changed it... and we get into a mess...

    Friend C: A born-in JW. Not the brightest of the bunch, not dumb either. I had posted a message on FB that intrigued her, and she asked me what was the important thing that I knew that was so troubling to me. Then I told her about the changed Bible, and then about the Jesus is God understanding that I have. She told me the same canned response: go to the elders. I said, if I do that I will be DF'd... she said, yeah you are right. Don't worry, I won't tell anybody. You can still talk to me, but please, do not tell me any of this stuff. I am happy as a JW and think it is the truth, and it is a way of life for me. Then she blocked me off FB, and then she unblocked me. So far so good... but I am definitely not talking to her about the subject again... too risky...

    Other non-JW: I have told non-witness friends and family. Some are shocked at the witnesses and their beliefs, some are shocked that I do not believe in the witnesses any more (weird!!), most have pledged to support me and help me whichever way they can. (I am glad to know that people love me for me out there in the world). I have started talking again to a long-disfellowshipped relative of mine. It is sooo refreshing to talk to him again!! He promised he wouldn't get me in trouble. (He's been out for a while and apparently never wants to come back ;)

    Other JW: I have only hinted at things to other friends and family who are JW... I have been trying to comment on things that will increase cognitive dissonance at the meetings: any Bible contradictions, any really deep Bible stuff (like for example, showing people that you CAN review the actual manuscripts online), etc... Most don't get even 1% of what I say... =(

    I just hope that some will... and I recognize how many hundreds of seeds of cognitive dissonance it took for me to wake up... I hope that others can wake up too...

    ILTTATT

  • The Searcher
    The Searcher

    Welcome ILOVETTATT

    I'll repeat what we are told at our baptism - this is only the beginning!

    I am still in and living the truth according to my understanding of the Scriptures, so I allow no man or Org to dictate how my Christianity should be manifest - privileges, hours in FS, etc.

    Most importantly, I very cautiously point out Scriptural teachings to brothers and sisters and add a little comment, just to plant seeds. You never know, what we say may bear fruit sooner or later.

    Enjoy finding out what the Bible really teaches!!

  • DesirousOfChange
    DesirousOfChange

    .

    My first reaction is that you are talking to A LOT of people about TTATT, and even putting much of it in writing -- facebook, perhaps emails.

    You are setting yourself up for the firing squad.

    Make sure you are ready to go where this may be taking you.

    Otherwise, STFU!

    Doc

  • nonjwspouse
    nonjwspouse

    Please recognise that if your father does completey learn ttatt and believe the WT is not the sole channel of communication of God for the people, then his marriage is in deep trouble if your Mom is, as you said, deep in the WT beliefs.

    Just remember this, you should provide the information to your father only if he asks you. The stakes being played here are very high. If he is ready, and wants to know, then by all means show him. Otherwise, for the sake of your parents marriage, you need to back off.

    This is just my own outside opinion.

  • Xanthippe
    Xanthippe

    Welcome ILoveTTATT. Just want to reiterate what others here are saying, well done for waking up and having non-JW friends and family on your side but please be careful of talking to JWs about TTATT. You have a great support system at the moment to help with your fade but go too fast and you could lose a lot of it. I lost all of my JW family and friends and never got them back, that was almost 25years ago! So please be careful, remember you don't have to save the world anymore!

  • ABibleStudent
    ABibleStudent

    Hi ILoveTTATT, Trying to help loved ones critically think for themselves is a marathon. It is not a sprint. Take your time and ask simple questions and help those who you love to do their own research and critical thinking. Everyone is different so you will need to develop a tool box of skills to help those you love. I feel that Steve Hassan said it very well when he said that cult-exit counselors must be good at thinking on their feet. Also, always assure JWs that you love them and that you do not feel that shunning is a good way to follow the teachings of Jesus Christ because of MT 22:37-40.

    Try to help JWs who are the most "Spiritually Weak" (still thinking) first by asking them simple questions more frequently while you very slowly help "Spiritually Strong" (non-thinking) JWs to critically think for themselves. For "Spiritually Strong" (non-thinking) JWs use techniques that do not incrimenate you to help you prepare them for TTATT by helping them to enjoy life more; meet non-JWs who they share common interests; show them how valuable the internet is to search for inexpensive vacations packages, inexpensive local entertainment deals, booking inexpensive hotels for DCs/assemblies, etc.; send anonymous emails to; and ,possibly, read the bible with them to show them that the Pharisees were a dangerous cult and how Jesus Christ viewed their behavior.

    Wait for JWs to express their doubts to you so that you can send them more anonymous emails with attachtments of digital books like "Crisis of Conscious" and "Freedom of Mind: Helping Loved Ones Leave Controlling People, Cults and Beliefs". By about January of 2014 you will be able to send them "Combatting Cult Mind Control" in a digital format which might be less threatening to some JWs. If a JW reads those books and their doubts increase, then you may be able to talk more openly with them. If their cognitive disonance increases and they start attending more meetings or talking more cult-speak then you have more preparation to do before talking with them more openly.

    Never under estimate the power of the WTBTS's mind control. JWs can always back slide into their cult persona for numerous reasons and report you to the elders.

    Please remember that JWs with doubts will need a support network of friends to help them successfully fade from the WTBTS. The more unconditional non-JWs and exJWs the better to help them. If you feel strongly about helping them discover TTATT, you are also responsible for helping them build their support network.

    Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

    Robert

  • poopieskoopie
    poopieskoopie

    Welcome to the Eitherworld. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is.....TO BE CAREFUL. Being a double agent requires skill on every level. Before emplimenting any tactics on your own, no matter how non-threatening it may seem, run your idea past several members of this site and refine your approach. Intoducing too many critical thinking questions in too short a period of time can arrouse suspicion. Best of wishes.

  • Sammy Jenkis
    Sammy Jenkis

    Welcome ILOVETTAT, I also agree with DOC. I'd be careful of identifying myself with posts because when things get dirty and a JC is formed they'll use your Ma, Pa, and Friends A,B, and C to testify against you. Glad you made it out, here's to your continued enlightenment- all the best.

  • flipper
    flipper

    ILOVETTATT- I enjoyed reading your story. Very interesting. It sounds like your dad has an open mind but not your mom. I would be EXTREMELY careful not to divulge too much to your mom or she WILL turn you into the elders causing you more stress than you care to have. Especially if you are young and still need to live at home. Just make sure that your dad will keep your conversations confidential and not divulge much if anything to your mom or your mom will betray both you AND your dad. I was once married to a JW fanatic ex-wife- I know how they operate from experience- believe me.

    It sounds like you have a support system in place of non-JW friends who will offer moral support to you and that is a good thing. We are here for you as well. I agree with the poster ABIBLESTUDEN"TS advice to read Steve Hassans books. It will help you to understand what causes your JW relatives to think as they do and it will help you to understand all the variety of emotions you are experiencing in exiting the JW cult. So do yourself a favor and read these books by Hassan. It really helped me to understand the bigger picture for sure. Take care, hang in there, Peace out, Mr. Flipper

  • ILoveTTATT
    ILoveTTATT

    Ok... Flipper and all who said "Read Hassan", you won

    Bought it, downloaded it, and reading it right now.

    I will post my comments soon enough.

    ILTTATT

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