it's funny too, because i wasn't researching about the WT at all, i was researching about how to tell if you've been mind-controlled... i finally came to this conclusion. i feel as if a veil has been lifted off me and don't have an irrational fear of spirits anymore.
A hello!
by Oogie 39 Replies latest jw friends
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Bob_NC
I am so happy for you. It takes a while for the feeling of guilt to go away, but it will. What replaces the guilt, at least for me, is a feeling of disgust and agitation for being fooled and hoodwinked for so long.
Maybe it is better to talk with your husband early on rather than when you become really upset with anything WT? And yes, the literature turns my stomach.
Maybe some honest nonaccusation talk with husband about how you got to where you are now.
NC Bob
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Oogie
he doesn't even know yet. i've told my df' dad and gay brother-in-law. i just wouldn't know how to go about it.
i'm scared...he can get a bit verbally rough with me, but i think he's having his own doubts and it's his way of trying to put them in the back of his mind? like im the cause of some of his problems, when its probably just the WT that is the problem.
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Red Piller
Welcome oogie. Yes it is all mind control. It starts to wear off after you wakeup, it just takes a little time.
Are you a born in,like me? What made you research mind control?
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snare&racket
Oogie,
I used to secretly look at the internet on my phone around 1999, 2000, yeah I was ahead of my time with the matrix nokia WAP phone, but my cool genes aside, your comments remind me of those days. I was a pioneer and late a bethelite whilst looking at the old net soup site, I felt awful. I felt guilty and I felt ashamed. Despite this a good part of me, an honest part of me wanted to know the real TRUTH. i remember the day I recognised that real truth does not need defending, a truth can always defend itself, because it is true! Anyone that forbids you to look at opposing ideas and views is scared of something.
Before long my researching and reading became addictive, things were all making sense and clicking together. The guilt remained. Next came the difficult spell, for me it lasted about 3 years where I knew it was not the truth, it was a lie, but i didnt know what to do. Eventually I went to the elders with all my questions, it was a late friday evening. The evening ended with not one answer, a lot of bemused faces and the PO advising me I not return to meetings whilst I had these questions. I dont think I ever smiled so much walking home, not because it was a nice affair or because I wanted to hear it but because I no longer owned the guilt..... They did. There were no answers, they werent even suprised at what I said, they just wanted me quiet. This after 25 years as a JW, including standing at the machines in London printing the very literature !
The guilt ended that night.
I Went back to education and went to university, I recently visited a good friend of mine, the only JW that respects me for my desicions and chooses to still see me. His mother IL asked me recently, out of the blue if I would ever go back... I was suprised to find that I laughed as I said "No!".... But that is truly how easy it is now, it is so ridiculous once you are on the outside looking in.
I feel sorry for you right now, but it gets better. IF you have children, I would urge you with every cell in my body to research, read and ask. Let them trip over their own beliefs and open the door for you to leave, it isnt hard to do! The quicker, the better for your children. The longer, the more mental anguish and damage that will be inflicted on them. I say that knowing how heavy it sounds but I say it in 100% honesty, the JW religion damages children in a massive way. You won't believe me or see it yet, but you will in 5 years. Just to get you thinking, how many other 5 year olds think of the devil or armageddon, fearing a god , knowing that everyone not a JW will soon die as they displease god... You have seen the pictures in the literature for JW kids, it wouldnt't make for child reading anywhere else on earth...
Most people here have suffered in a significant manner due to the mental enslavement of a publishing company called Watchtower.
Welcome to the way out, please keep your hands in the car at all times, there will be ups and downs, thrills and spills........
but when its over you will be smiling ;) x
snare x
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Bob_NC
Agreed snare&racket. May I add Oogie, you don't have to "do" anything right away. I understand wanting to. I wanted to run screaming up and down the aisles of the Kingdom Hall. I didn't. My JW friends whispered among themselves about what might be wrong with Bro. Bob, but hardly anyone said a word. The elders and the CO did of course. And just like with snare&racket, their concern was whether I was going to talk and contaminate the congregation.
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Mum
You're very smart, Oogie. I didn't want to leave the cult, but I had to get away from my JW elder husband for mental health reasons. It took me two years to realize that they're just another religion, and not special at all except for their mind control techniques and many false predictions of "the end."
Tread softly, and take your time. Start making friends and participating in activities you enjoy that are not cult-centered.
Best wishes.
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Oogie
thank you all for the tips and encouragement!
yes, i was taught indoctrinated from birth...i have 11 years of baptism total blindness. about 5 of not being physically at the meetings mind-control sessions, so we listened in by phone.
i am more mad at myself for being duped and letting the elders circus trainers whip my spirit.
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snare&racket
Well, that is the past, this is the now and focus on the future.... Be strong, it is nothing more than a community club.... You could leave it tommorow.
None of it is real
Some people you love will reject you, but you cwnt make them love you unconditionally if they simply dont even if you believed they did.
Time to think about who comes first in your life? The evil god of the bible? 7 old ex wondow cleaners in Brooklyn? Seversl local window cleaners? Or you and your children.... For 99.99% of the world its not a hard question.
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Oogie
@bob_nc: i just want to shout: "i'm free!" lol.