Feeling not well: guilt

Gorbatchov

Gorby is not feeling well at the moment. Wife and kids went to the KH last week. Gorby stayed at home watching live soccer game PSV - Milan.

The next day the guilt feeling came. Thinking about my kids at the KH without me.

Next step was thinking about my own JW youth. The good things. The fun I had at the book study. In the late '70 and early '80 when I was 7 to 10 years old it was feeling safe and secure. The highlights, the first "lecture", reading the bible for the congregation. The applause of the audience...

This feels worse, because it influences my relationship with the most valuable I have: my 2 kids of 4 years old and my wife.

So, next to the guilt came hate. I hate this f*ck*ng religion with it's so called standards and best way of life. Because it torn apart my own fantastic close family.

Gorbatchov

cognisonance

Gorby,

It is frustrating. I lost my spouse, my childhood best friend, and other family members I car about. I also do have some found memories in the cult, so I can relate to feeling ambilient at times. Sometimes looking back it seems almost to crazy to be true, how can anyone believe that religion, but yet here we are and our family does indeed believe. Hang in there. Feel free to vent here. I like this website as it seems to help as a support group in a way.

-Cog

Witness 007

These feelings will pass in time and its all part of disconnecting from the Matrix.

1009

Try to analyze why you feel guilty.

When you conclude (like you wrote) that you feel guilty because your children are sitting in the KH without you, consider this. Your children go to school without you and you probably will not feel guilty about that. Because you don't belong there at their school. The KH isn't your place neither. But you can support them, like you would do with school. You can think about bringing them, maybe regularly, maybe once in a while. You can even try to visit a meeting when they have parts. Not because you want to visit meetings, but because they are your fantastic family. You can prove them that their 'worldy' father still is a loving man, even if he has another opinion now.

There also is some nostalgia. Recognizable. How foolish we were back in those days, huh?

PSV - Milan : 1 - 1. Still a chance to go to the next round!

1009

BTW, I've sended you a PM

Gorbatchov

@congisonance: you are right, we find support here at JWD. It's great. Yes it's crazy to be true!

@1009 thanks for this advise you give me. It's the best advise that's given to me in 42 years. Thanks so much.

1009

Uhm, 'best advice in 42 years' is probably a bit exaggerated. But you're welcome.

I was thinking about a non-JW father of a young brother I helped (the one who plays soccer in a team, I talked about him another thread where nobody believes me). This father HATED JW. When I met him the first time, I wanted to make a joke: "Hi, I'm Michel. You might have heard about me: I am the guy who is brainwashing your son." Wrong! He appeared to be a pretty aggresive guy and almost threw me of the stairs. Ouch... But later on he appreciated my attitude, because he saw I allready was quite critical towards JW. And allthough he really hated JW, he liked talking with me.

Anyway, this father really loved his son. He came to some meetings when his son had talks. He came to the circuit meeting when his son was baptized. And so did his non-JW sister.

Talking about that: my DF-father came to my baptism, as well as my non-JW sister. My non-JW grandfather sometimes brought my grandmother to the meetings. Actually, I remember more and more non-JW's who accompanied their spouses from time to time.

Wow, non-JW's are not so bad after all!

adamah

Yeah, I think it's a mistake to try and make JWs out as if they're all evil bad people: most of them AREN'T, but they ARE trapped into a social dynamic that they're unable to exit, due to self-perpetuating mechanisms and policies. To the person, they lack the ability to exercise control over their own lives, and instead go with the will of the group. Social control IS a powerful force, and few are able to go against the group, EVEN IF the group is heading off a cliff like lemmings. It goes against ALL human instincts to NOT run with the crowd, but in this case, it's important to do so: sometimes the crowd IS quite mad, and simply put, is WRONG.

Ultimately the best decision you could make would be to give them the chance at freedom in life so many have, but take for granted: the freedom to choose a religion without social pressure of the risk of loss of one's family. In that regards, the best thing you can do is be the example in the family of someone who reassures them that you'll ALWAYS be their father who loves them, whatever religion they're apart of.

Be the "bigger man", even the father you never had, and that may pay off in spades when they come to the correct conclusion themselves in the decades that follow. You can only be true to thine own self, and that's nothing to feel guilty about, but quite proud of.

Adam

wannaexit

Dear Gorby: my heart goes out to you. Just remember that you are not alone and many are in your same situation. Thank God we have this wonderful forum to come to and draw comfort.

breakfast of champions

Yeah, I see where you're coming from.

But when you break it down, there's "guilt," and there's "inappropriate guilt."

Most people will feel guilty about the stuff they're supposed to: lying, killing people, stealing. . . All of the big "ten commandment" stuff. No brainier shit.

Then there's the guilt that is imposed upon you by your: culture, family, religion, job. . . . and yourself. That's all pretty much inappropriate guilt. Bullshit nonsense heaped upon ourselves or others.

And yeah, the hate thing isn't far behind. Mostly when you hate and loathe your own existence.

I really would recommend a psychologist/psychotherapist. And if you've tried that already without success, try another.

My wife, who is still "in," has seen an absolute sea change in me since I started about 18 months ago.

Best of luck,

BOC

Feeling not well: guilt

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