if you had a miraculous, unexplained escape from death..

by nonjwspouse 19 Replies latest jw experiences

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  nonjwspouse

  Plus you were not baptised but grew up in a JW family, stopped attending or studying for 30 years then attempted to go back for a couple years. The attempt had serious negative effects on your marriage, and personality, so you decided to stop all studies etc, for the time being ( over a year). But with the full intention to return later and be baptised.

  This miraculous, unexplained escape from death was discovered to have occured during this time of complete detachment from studies etc.

  What would you feel explained this escape? Would you as a believer in "the truth" feel like this was Jah's way of telling you to come back to the borg and get baptised, or would it cause you to realize the borg is not relevant to God or miracles such as this? ( The drs said they had not known of anyone surviving what my husband had happen a few months ago, and we just found this out through a special testing that it happened spontainiously, it was signifigant, and now healed on its own. His is now a case study for the Drs at a major teaching and research hospital in the US)

  My concern is that he will fall back in to those studies, and fall hard. I wonder how any of you would possibly feel?
• 

  Glander

  "Time and unforeseen circumstances befall us all..."

  "...those looking for signs and portents..."

  "...the sun shines and the rain falls on the wicked and the righteous..."
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  Ding

  First, I'm glad he escaped death!

  Regarding your question, I think this could go one of three different ways. He could think:

  1. This just happened... has nothing to do with God or even there being a God.

  2. God did it, but I wasn't being a faithful JW, so God must not be the Jehovah of the Watchtower.

  3. Jehovah is giving me one last chance to come back to his organization.

  Each individual is likely to react in his own way. Given what you've said about him wanting to return and be baptized, I fear this will push him in the WT's direction. You will probably find out soon if that is so. If so, you might try asking him what else it might mean so he considers more than just the WT-approved conclusion.
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  Truth seeker 674

  "Time and unforeseen circumstances befall us all..."

  "...those looking for signs and portents..."

  "...the sun shines and the rain falls on the wicked and the righteous..."

  So true glander I have escaped death several times in my life twice as a witness and 3 times after being disfellowshiped. I was even dead for over minute and there is nothing that could drag me back to that religion.
• 

  nonjwspouse

  Ding,

  Thank you for your kind words. I want so badly to ask him questions regarding his state of mind right now. We have had a sort of moratorium on faith questions because they in the past would become so very heated. I have learned to state a single thing then let all else go, learning how not to send those JW "protections" into full force. My main objective for almost a year now is to plant non obvious seeds of potential doubt.

  I am not perfect at it, and if asking, I fear I might hear something I won't want to hear, and my emotions might take over. So I wait.

  Today's Dr visit, and words " You shouldn't even be here given what happened to you", hit me very hard, and it did him too. It has a small chance of happening again, which is also scary. Next time he might not be so lucky.

  I already know in my heart I must ready myself to have this discussion with him, and try to figure out the best, loving, non confrontatioonal approach. Plus, ready myself for words I won't want to hear, even if they very well later might change. I have to learn to be more of a rock.

  In the past 18 moths my ability to be a rock was completely crushed due to so many other life happenings. I was "imploding" as described by a therapist. Slowly my strength is growing, and health is improving. But both of us I would consider emotionally fragile at this point.

  Difficult.
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  nonjwspouse

  Glander,

  Absolutly, life happens, it just DOES. The rest is just how we deal with what life does. Priorities in life, and deciding what matters most.
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  Mum

  First and foremost, I'm glad you're both well and still together.

  When I was a JW, I don't recall things like this being a "sign" of anything. JW's are not great believers in "miracles." But, even as I say this, I do remember certain things attributed to "Jehovah," but not usually regarding the health of individuals. BUT, there was a story in the Watchtower back in the '70's about a toddler who needed a blood transfusion, but the child was kidnapped from the hospital by JW's and hidden in private homes. The story was that she did very well without the blood transfusion. I don't know now how much truth there was to the story, but I believed it without question at the time.

  Each individual attaches meaning to things in their own way, and it's hard to know what you would do in a given situation. I wish you both the best.
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  adamah

  Today's Dr visit, and words " You shouldn't even be here given what happened to you", hit me very hard, and it did him too. It has a small chance of happening again, which is also scary. Next time he might not be so lucky.

  Sounds like it's high-time to find a new doctor, one who's not superstitious, since that's not helping anyone. Yes, they're out there, and they THINK they're doing believers a favor by supporting their patient's superstitious beliefs, when in fact they're only likely insecure about their OWN faith in God, and abuse their power over others in order to profess their faiths on the job. That's totally unprofessional behavior, and something that may warrant a written complaint to the State Medical Board as unprofessional behavior. For a science-based profession like medical SCIENCE, offering a "God Dun It!" excuse is simply unacceptable....

  But aside from that, this sounds like engaging in a whole lot of post-hoc rationalization to me.

  Think about it: if the family member beats the odds and survives, it's explained away as being given a second-chance by God. If the family member DIDN'T survive, it's explained away as punishment from God for turning his back on him. God cannot lose for winning, and the entire dynamic is driven by what someone WANTS to believe as an outcome correlated with a cause, AKA an untested, unprovable hypotheses.

  If someone is willing to give their mind over to that kind of absurd reasoning and then call it "logic", then they deserve what they get. That goes for doctors as well as patients!

  Adam
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  nonjwspouse

  adamah, it was not only this Dr but also one at the mayo Clinic, in fact, a team of Drs there, all with the same conclusion. It is medically unexplained as to why he survived without a stroke. These cases are basically disgnosed at autopsy, usually when only one artery is involved. But for both, with signifigant tears, is so remarkable. His is now a case study there. His was found with a specific test to have occured, and not produced a stroke, and healed again in a period of several months.

  There is no known cause for this to happen spontainiously, ( no trauma cause) though they have guesses. We will do what they advise but they have no guarentee, or much to help aside from a baby asprin a day and no chiropractic manipulation etc... it won't happen again. I know of a few things to look for, but most of the time it is asymptomatic or with non remarkable symptoms. I know I will keep my eye out and demand, with a tantrum in needed, proper testing if something suspecious in the rhelm of what I now know, happens and a ER Dr seems unconcerned. If this is caught before a stroke occurs then chances are very good for survival. The key is getting him help when needed, and recognising when that might be.

  Now what my husband will feel about all of this is what I am concerned about. What he will attribute it to. I am not concerned the drs call him lucky to be alive, and to remark never having seen a surviver with this occurng, in all his years of practice. Those are truthful statements. I am concerned about my husbands frame of mind. What it might cause HIM to believe and act on.
• 

  ingimar

  nonjw, your situation is very similar to mine. My husband is a baptised JW! not raised a JW and only has 1 half sister who is a JW and thank goodness, she lives overseas.

  I have been with my husband for 7 years and married to him for 5. He told me that he was a JW but I never saw any sign of his affiliation except for his bible that was in his drawer. He never attended meetings and our life was going well until last year when one of them came to the door and caught him at home. He started attending meetings last November and I started researching. What I found out scared me and I admit that I verbally assaulted him with questions and facts. He took on his cult personality and we clashed. I knew that my reaction was the worst possible one but I couldn't control myself. I ended up mad at myself, mad at him and mad at every JW on the planet.

  I was scheduled to have surgery in January but I failed the pre op bloodwork and surgery was immediately cancelled and a battery of tests ensued to see the cause of my seriously high platelets. In March I was diagnosed with a rare chronic blood disorder which is a form of blood cancer. I was trying to cope with all of this as well as my husband's increasing interest in the JWs. I finally had a complete meltdown in May, telling him that I could not handle this and that I couldn't see our marriage working when we shared completely opposing world views. I was furious that he refused to look at the facts about this cult. Yes, I called it a cult and told him I did not like his cult personality. I was ready to leave when he came to me, put his arms around me and said that he could not stand to see me like this and he would not attend for a while. He could also see that the stress was affecting my health. I was shocked as I had done everything that I knew that I was not supposed to do. I just thanked him profusely and cried.

  Since then, he has been amazing but I too wonder what he is thinking and if he will return to them. I want to ask questions or bring up things but I am afraid too as well. He seems so much happier as well and I did tell him this. I try to emphasize all the good in people and the world as well as focus on the importance of family. The one JW sister appears to be shunning us and when I mentioned that she had deleted both of us from her Skype contacts and that she had told their non JW brother that she couldn't associate with him because he was an inactive JW, my husband's response was "I guess that is her problem". I was happy with that response.

  I have strayed from the topic....During the last few months I have been to see many specialists, including hematologists and my husband has attended with me and learned a lot about blood. I think that he realizes that doctors only give blood products as a last resort and not willy nilly as JWs believe. He does know now that tHere are times when the only option is a transfusion. I would like to discuss this more with him but I don't.

  I finally had my surgery 3 weeks ago and all went well and I did not require blood products but did lose a lot of blood. Now I have a long recovery ahead of me. I am worried that he may start attending after my recovery but I hope that I was able to plant some seeds of doubt in him. There was one pesty elder that was always showing up at the door but he came once when my husband wasn't home and I told him that I would appreciate it if he would stay away and he has. I saw him out in the neighborhood this morning but he skipped our house. I am not sure if my husband is aware that I told him to stay away or not and I won't lie about it if he asks.

  I hope that your JW husband goes with the miracle theory and that mine listens to science and research and that neither of them return to this cult.