Hi!
I am gay and was also an elder for more than a decade. Feel free to pm if you’d like to.
Gay MS??
by andysmiles 65 Replies latest jw experiences
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88JM
Welcome andysmiles - it sounds like you're in a similar position to me. I'm finding it very hard doing a fade as I'm also an MS and in a small congregation. I haven't told my parents though, but I found moving to my own place has been a great help as I can be myself at home now.
I was baptised in 2003 and made an MS in 2007. I knew I was only interested in guys even before baptism and like you, I thought it was just a phase and would pass after I got baptised - I never told anyone how I really felt.
The advice that others have given here so far is sound - make friends with people outside the JWs so that you have support if it all turns sour. I've made some great friends in some of the gay exJW groups on Facebook - we meet here twice a year in the UK.
With my fade at the moment I'm missing meetings more and more frequently, and only drag myself out in field service for an hour or two every month. It's really difficult mentally having to do all that knowing I don't believe it any more, but knowing I can go back home and forget about it all really helps. I'm really amazed I haven't been asked to step down as an MS already, but perhaps as it's a small congregation they are desperate for guys. Hopefully my fade should become much easier if I can move further away at some point and move congregations, but it's mostly financial constraints that are stopping me doing that yet.
Let us know how you get on - we're here for you.
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ohiocowboy
Hello Andysmiles! I am Gay too-(So is my Partner of almost 12 years-lol) and I just wanted to say hello!
I wish you the best in your journey as you find your way. ALWAYS keep your self esteem, and never let others bring you down. You deserve the best in life as much as anyone else!
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Heartofaboy
Hello andysmiles, I was made a MS when I was a young man struggling with my sexuality. Back in the 1960's when I was a teenager being Gay was a very lonely existence in the JW's.
No one told me I was going to be appointed it was just announced at the meeting.
My first reaction was to tell them I didn't want to be appointed.
I KNEW I shouldn't be appointed...........I realised then that God's Holy spirit had NOTHING to do with the appointment of men within the WBTS.
When I did ask for help from the elders I was advised to get MARRIED.
I cannot stress enough that it is very unwise to listen to this advice.
I'm still not out to my parents, they are very old now & I think it would be unfair, they have enough regrets looking back over a life wasted in the Jehovah's Witnesses & wishing they had not listened to the witnesses that called on them 50 years earlier.
I have great empathy for you andysmiles & will be thinking of you. Thank you for telling us your story.
Hugs
Hoab
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tornapart
Hi Andysmiles and welcome. There are a number of gay exJWs here, so I'm sure you'll find some help and understanding here.
It's all so simple in JW land. You are born gay, grow up gay and then are expected to click your fingers and become straight overnight. It's like telling smeone who's straight that they have to become gay.
I've read some truly heartbreaking stories of young gay JWs who are desperately struggling with their homosexuality, some to the point of depression and suicide because they can't cope with the guilt.
Being a gay JW there's only three ways to go. 1) You give up any thoughts of ever having a loving intimate relationship with anyone. 2) You live a double life 3) You get out and make complete break and live a life of your own but knowing you will be shunned. Not much of a choice is it?
Stick around here and share your problems. No one will ever judge you on here.
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Heartofaboy
That is a very good point ohiocowboy, self esteem is so important it can be so easily eroded if you listen to the homophobes spouting their ignorance from the platform in the KH.
I recall being at a meeting & one JW man giving a talk was barely able to hide his contempt of gay men, you could audibly here the groundswell of agreement & disgust from the audience...........I thought this must be how God thinks of me.
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WTWizard
The LIE-ble is against sex, period. Paul was sexophobic, and would condemn just about everything to do with sex. That scumbag grudgingly conceded that marriage is better than fornication--that "Oh all right, if they are going to do it, we might as well let them marry. But it would be better if they would remain single" attitude blatantly sticks out through Paul's writings. And we are talking straight sex there, too. Gay sex was absolutely prohibited by that scumbag.
This homophobic, sex-regulating attitude goes all the way back to Moses. Even the Noahide Law, which predates Moses, prohibits certain sex practices--that was the Jewish law for Gentiles living in the area. Among the sex bans within the Noahide Law are homosexuality (bestiality, incest, and adultery are the others--I saw nothing about regular fornication or, shamefully, pedophilia especially when done with the goal of ruining children's lives, which is deserving of the death penalty). You can die for homosexuality, but not for molesting children with the objective of ruining their lives?
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Vidiot
Historically, authoritarian regimes have always felt threatened by sexuality, because a sexually liberated population is far more inclined to value general freedom and work towards achieving it, whereas the pent-up energies of a sexually repressed populace are far more easily directed towards advancing the regime's agenda.
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20yearfader
hey andy and welcome.
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VOLO
I can answer (as most of us can) your last question first. You can be appointed (while still secretly doing what JWs condemn) is because God's Holy Spirit has absolutely nothing to do with congregation appointments. There are many good and sincere brothers and sisters doing their best to do what they've been told the Bible teaches, but God is not 'directing' the organization in any way whatsoever. Meaning it's just like the Catholic Church or the Society of Friends or Weight Watchers or the Moose Lodge or your Grandma's herb study group. In other words it's nothing more than a club with a set of internal rules and regulations that mean nothing at all in the larger world.
So if you feel there are more positives than negatives in your membership (a group of pre-selected frends who are mostly honest, a chance to practice speaking in public, getting to talk to Grandma, practice at socialization at assemblies, a chance to dress up) then stay in. If you think the negatives (the casual homophobia, the sexism, the lack of any sort of cultural or intellectual discussion, the cluelessness of some eders) outweigh the good parts, then quit. Its a pretty clear choice, although each choice has its own set of challenges. I can't talk about quitting, because I'm still in and a MS too for the past five years.
The way to do that (stay, if you've decided to) is now that you know its NOT Gods organization, start viewing the meetings as a long-running play. By now, you should know your role by heart so just try to give your best performance each week and don't worry (or feel guilty) because you don't really believe your lines or because you're not the same person at home and at work as you are on the platform. Heath Ledger got too caught up in the part he was playing and look what happened to him. Don't make the same mistake., Just keep reminding yourself....IT'S ONLY A MOVIE!!
Even so, you can still do a lot of good in your congregation, if you want to. There are aways people who DO believe and who are trying (and failing) to be good and who feel terrible about it. Be kind to them, since you know the elders wont be. There are plenty of good verses and principles in the Bible that can help encourage such people (and I don't mean 'encouraging them to do more'). I mean encouraging them to be better people, and failing that then to forgive THEMSELVES as well as their brothers and sisters. The reminders to look out for the ones in need in the book of James, and Paul in the book of Romans telling those folks to get over themselves and stop worrying about what everybody else is doing are very good. Ignore Ezekiel and Revelation and Second Peter and anything else that is spuriously applied to our times.
If you do those things while you're in, you'll be doing good, and if you decide to leave, having done all those things in the past will leave you with a guilt-free conscience when you walk out the door. Never be judgemental to anybody. And only speak the things that come from your heart. If you can't mentally agree with anything your script contains, cross those lines out. I've been in for over ten years (a MS for about half that) and I have never once used the terms "faithful and discreet slave" "reach out" "Gods appointed servants" "celestial Chariot""spiritual feast" or "Babylon the Great". That's all cult talk. In fact, except for a little piece of paper filed somewhere in the congregation files, there's nothing to connect me or anything I say with that organization out in Brooklyn. It can be done. It's just a matter of whether you WANT to do it. Or Not.
Short answer, decide which course is best for you (take your time, there's plenty of it), then do it and let go of guilt, either for what you did or for what you didn't do. You did the best you could. As the Glorious Ones like to remind us, we're all imperfect.
PS. Welcome. You're among friends.