Do you blame your parents?

by sleepy 26 Replies latest jw friends

  • sleepy
    sleepy

    Do you blame your parents for bringing you up as witnesses?
    Do you tink they sould have known better, or do you feel sorry for them?
    I used to think how lucky I was to be born into a family that had the truth.
    Now I wonder, how could my parents have fallen fot it?
    Why werent they able to see it was wrong?
    Maybe they were going through a time of questioning their lives.

    But would my life really have been better if I hadn't been brought up a witness?Maybe just different.
    Prehaps I was stupid in joining them at 17.
    Or maybe I had little control over what I did at that age .

  • Gopher
    Gopher

    No, I don't blame my parents.

    My parents raised me and my sister to be a JW, which we no longer are (but my parents are still devout JW's).

    They did what they THOUGHT was right. I never sensed from them any idea that the organization was wrong or that the people were unloving. Or if they did, they managed to hide those thoughts quite well.

    Even when unsettling things occur, they will just ignore it and continue to hope in the organization. Their routines are so defined by the religion, there are few times that they made little exceptions to its rules.

    Now they shun me, again following their organization's rules. They think that by doing so, they will be encouraging me back into the path of everlasting life and God's favor.

    They probably will never feel the need to examine any alternatives.

    -J.R.

    This post was not evaluated by any mental health professionals.
    Any opinions expressed are those of a fuzzy, cuddly rodent.

  • Amazing
    Amazing

    Hi Sleepy:

    My parents raised me as a Roman Catholic. Had I been raised as a nice Bible Thumping Southern Baptist, I might have been better equipped to resist the JWs ... who knows?

    The reason that those who became JWs prior to 1990 fell for it more easily is the availability of information was limited. Good quality works, like that of Ray Franz were not written. And the ability to find and talk to former JWs was non-existent ... so unless one could access older JW literature and history, or was an expert in Greek and Hebrew, then the JWs looked pretty good, and seem to represent the Bible accurately.

    Yet, even with all the information available today, easily accessed, some people are still falling for the JWs, but it is mostly in those nations with limited access to information and limited availability of the Internet.

    So, were I raised a JW, I could not have easily blamed my parents as easily as I could were my parents and I to have been contemporary with the current generation.

  • mpatrick
    mpatrick

    I don't blame my parents, but I often wonder why they became JWs and why they remained JWs after 1975. My parents were both raised in very devout Catholic homes. They are actually one of the few that became JWs because someone came knocking on their door and started a Bible study with them. I do know that my parent were having marital proplems, because my mom still says to this day that becoming JWs saved their marriage. My father sold our beautiful log cabin home and farm to pioneer in the 70's and both of my parents literally tried to push the JW teachings on their families. My aunt told me that they finally started hanging up on my mom everytime she mentioned anything about the JWs, she said she finally got the hint. Her father quit talking to her for ten years and told her he would rather her be a prostitute than a JW. My fathers family tried an "intervention" and convinced my father to come back to Catholism if the end didn't come in 75', but that never happened.

    I guess the reason that I don't blame them is because even though it has been a long hard road for me getting out of the Borg, being a JW has made me part of who I am, and I like who I am. I actually grew up around some really incredible JWs. I don't know if anyone remembers "d'art" from H20, but she was like a mother to me growing up. She would take me to art museums, to the ballet and would do a lot of things my own mother would have never done for me. I was one of seven children and my family was not that well off. I feel people like d'art helped defined my life. Had I not been a JW, I probably would have never known her. She has helped me even to this day! If it meant being a JW all over again, just to have her in my life, I would do it!

    mpatrick

    He does not believe who does not live according to his belief.-Thomas Fuller

  • Prisca
    Prisca

    I don't blame my parents.

    My mother was brought up as a JW, so she knew nothing else. Her father was violently opposed to her and her mother's faith, but it must have made her faith in the JW dogma even stronger.

    My father became a JW in his adult life, but I think he was buoyed by the hope of seeing his parents again, who had both died in his teenage years.

    I have to admit that not all my life growing up as a JW was all bad. I was protected from the nasty side of life, and I made the decision to leave as an adult.

  • teenyuck
    teenyuck

    Well, perhaps I am too old to blame my parents and Dr. Phil would tell me to move on, however, I do.

    My mother single handedly brought our family to destruction by adhereing to the JW demands.

    She has lost contact with her younger sister over 30 years ago. Her sister was having an affair with a married man. My mother told her she was immoral and a bad association and cut off contact. My aunt, 22 years old with two children from her first marriage (which ended when her husband beat the shit out of her), had no one helping her. She was broke with no job skills; a man offers her a job to pose for pics next to his line of bath products. She also was his mistress. None of her family stepped up to offer support during a very hard time. Til this day my aunt will not speak to my mother. I don't blame my aunt for not talking to my mother.

    As a result of cutting off her youngest sister she alienated the other two. They were JW but willing to turn a blind eye to their sis's behavior. They could not give her money, however, they could give her emotional support. Now my mother has no contact with them or their families either. Neither do I. I have tried and been brushed off.

    This is one of many relationships destroyed by the borg. I have family I have never met due to "bad associations."

    The only positive thing that happened was when my father left. My mother was broke. She went to the elders and they paid the mortgage on our home ($238.00 in 1974) for 1 month. She then got on welfare and found a job within 6 months. The welfare covered the house payment and food stamps covered food.

    That was it. Over the years everyone of my immediate family was DF'd. Including my mother. Who was reinstated.

    I did not have JW friends growing up....I had no friends because of the "bad association" lable.

    She seems to have doubts about it all...however, she has no other friends or family. She cut everyone off and now is stuck.

    I blame my mother for falling for the 1966 "ARMAGEDDON is around the corner" lie. She fell for it. My dad was always in it just to make her happy.

    I blame my father for not even trying to protect us from a harmful religion. The shunning we faced at school, the lack of educational goals, the inability to have or make friends, the list goes on.

    They made incredibly bad decisions as parents. I blame them for that. I do not feel sorry for them.

    I hated going door to door at age 5. I begged not to. No, you must. I had to read the Paradise book before homework. I blame them for thinking that education was a waste of time.

    They were young adults when they made the decision to become JW. My mother was 26, my father was 27. They have to bear some responsibilty for disrupting their children's lives in such a detrimental manner.

  • Undecided
    Undecided

    No! I had a really good life as a JW. I had friends at school, in fact my best friend was a worldly neighbor that I was with almost all the time except on meeting nights and service days. We didn't let religion come between us at all. Sounds strange by today's standards in the JW congregations. I played on the basketball team at school, played in the band, glee club, and all the other activities I wanted to. My parents were loving people who died as faaithful JWs.

    The reason I quit was because I became tired of all the responsibilities I had that left me no time for my life. I later found out the untruth of the TRUTH. I have no bad feelings for JWs because they are JWs, I feel sad for them in some ways. I think the GB members should take a close look at themselves and their claims and have a lot to answer for. I still love my parents and would love to see them in a resurrection, but have no hope of that anymore.

    I'm not as tolerant as I once was when they try to recover me. I usually give then something to think about, but in a nice way.

    Ken P.

  • LyinEyes
    LyinEyes

    First very good points ,Amazing, about the lack of quality informations on the JW until lately. As I am not a greek or hebrew scholar( neither is the WTBS as they claim) , it was easy to beleive that they knew what they were talking about. Who was I , to second guess these scholars. Well, thank God for the internet.Thank God , for the avalibilty of all the infor we need to make our own educated choices. We now have easy access to test things out ourselves and heaven forbid (LOL) let a bunch of ol farts lie and tell us they are something that they are not. The proof is in the puddin, so to speak.

    Oh the main question, .... no I dont blame my parents for being JW.
    I feel sorry for my mother, she was very young and never had the access to find out about the JW. Any time dad got apostate things in the mail, he made a big issue of burning it in the yard. Literally burning the demons out he would say. I wonder if he heard a hissing voice as he did so!!!! That fool is still trying to climb the theocratic ladder , at the cost of all eles. I blame him for being a hypocrite. If he was a good , sincere loving brother ,as he claims to be, I would feel like , well that is his beleifs and he is just doing what he thinks is right. But he is famous for making up his own rules and will have the audacity to tell you that he has a special calling from God, therefore he can be used by God , to help others , when other brothers can not. He is seriously self righteous and I am beginning to wonder if he is suffering from illusions of grandeur.
    Last time I talked to him he compared himself to Lot, to Abraham, to king David and then I am sure he would have went on to Jesus Christ himself, if the convo would have went on. I blame him for being an idiot. My mom is dead , so only feel sorry she didnt have a chance to make the choice that I did , she would have loved it. She never fit in and was such a flower child, her motto was live and let live.
    She was reasonable , but my dad was and is an idiot.

  • Englishman
    Englishman

    I was brought up as a JW from age 8.

    When I was told that I would be DF'd and lose contact with my family, I said to my parents: "You made the choice to become witnesses. I didn't make that choice, you made the choice for me. The choice for me to become a witness wasn't made by me, I made it clear at age 8 that I hated the meetings and the door to door work. I told you back then that I didn't want it. You insisted that I became a witness. Now that I want to leave, I have to get myself DF'd so's to get some peace".

    So, yes, I'm 55, my mum is 79 and she is partly responsible for having brought me up without education in a cult religion. I try to remember that she was still in her late 20's when she became interested, but the fact that she still believes all the JW crap doesn't mean that I can absolve her totally from the responsibility of my upbringing.

    Englishman.

  • Billygoat
    Billygoat

    I don't blame my parents for being JWs or raising us kids JWs. It was their choice and a choice millions of parents make, whether JW or not. They believe the religion they're raising their kids in is the best way.

    Now I do blame my parents for being abusive - physically, emotionally, and mentally. I blame my dad for not being able to control his temper and for beating the crap out of us because he had a bad day at work. I blame my mom for standing by and watching my dad beat the crap out of us and doing nothing to protect her children. I could blame them for everything else gone wrong in my life, but it's not all their fault. I've made some pretty crappy decisions all on my own. Could I have made better decisions if they had raised me differently? Probably. But I limit their responsibility in my life today. I see way too many people blame the org and their parents for decisions that they've made all on their own.

    The decisions I make today are all in awareness of how my parents handle things differently than I. Personally I think I make better decisions than they do, because I'm not blinded by cult thinking.

    Andi

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