Experiences With The Elders

minimus

Did you generally have good experiences with the elders ? We're any situations especially memorable??? Pro or con....

If there was an issue of any magnitude then the answer is no, I feel basically they do not have the formal training to deal with emotional problems with people, and their publications are highly over rated as far as information is concerned in this regard.

TheOutSpoken1

My now boyfriend recently had a run in with the elders at his hall. A girl from his past caved in because her JW marriage is falling apart and she felt her dealings with him in the past was something she needed to confess to save her marriage??? She told it all!!!!!.....He is no longer the shining example that he used to be known as. People knew about his reprimand before he knew the official punishment. Needless to say it was an eye opener for him. He saw how conditional their treatment is. He knows now to watch his back and front because the "friends" will blind side you with no loyalty. I think this is memorable for him because his eyes were opened wide to the witch hunt.

OUTLAW

A Sheperding Call by a JW Elders Wives are A lways ..

JW Elder.. Happy to Help..

..................... ...OUTLAW

minimus

I knew many that were afraid of the elders. The elders, to them, were not men you would want to have a conversation with.

Then there were others that thought the elders were Jehovah God's "gifts in men". HAHA

gma-tired2

My take on Elders. THe servants in charge that I knew personally in 50s and 60s seemed overall like normal kind men. In the 70s and 80s when the Elder arrangement started a power trip for those I knew. We still had some who were kind and understanding but I personally saw the hardnose a$$holes push the kind ones aside and push their nastiness. 90s till 2014 I stay far away as humanly possible from elders.

minimus

Yup, it's a new breed.

krejames

I can only say good things about the elders in the two congregations I was associated with. In the congregation I grew up in, the body of elders were lovely (crap public speakers but genuine, kind human beings). To be honest they put up with a lot. I used to hear horror stories about the elders in neighbouring congregations from people who moved to our congregation to get away from theirs!

The congregation I moved to when I left home also had a lovely body of elders. There was one elder that a few people badmouthed as being a tyrant, but he was on my judicial committee and I can honestly say that he was the most sympathetic, encouraging individual. I had five JCs in total and was never disfellowshipped.

That said I agree with Leprechaun that they are not equipped to deal with certain things because they are handicapped by the "official" stance taken by WTS. In my case homosexuality. Despite being sympathetic, they did not understand it (though I could tell they were trying their best to) but ultimately they could only look at the issue through "WT goggles".

There were a few WT study articles in the 2000s, if I remember rightly, with a lot of counsel directed at the elders and how they handle confessions, judicial matters and so on - in summary telling them they had to be a "refuge" and loving and sympathetic (maybe trying to counteract the situation in the 70s/80s, that gma-tired2 described). I can honestly say the elders did all they could in my experience, but in the end that's not enough if the basic belief system is mistaken.

Juan Viejo2

I'd have to agree with gma-tired2. Growing up in the 1950s as a child JW, I thought most of the "servants" wanted to do the right thing and wanted to "serve" the congregation. They were typically approachable and helpful. A couple had successful businesses and would personally help less fortunate brothers and sisters by giving them a job, a loan, or a "green handshake" to get them through tough times.

I had an incident when I was 19 that involved a temporary dangerous situation and the congregation servant and his wife put me and my wife up at their home for several days. Treated us like family. After we left their home they both checked on us frequently until they were sure everything was back to normal.

Another "servant brother" owned a TV repair shop. He'd repair our TV for just the cost of parts and do kind little things to show his love. I remember when he got one of the very first color TVs in his shop and invited anyone who wanted to come over to watch one of the first color TV broadcasts on a Sunday afternoon. I remember that to this day - "The Chocolate Soldier" operetta.

Between the time I was 8 and 20 I always felt that the KH "servants" considered their job to be serving the flock. There were some notable exceptions. Richard E Kelly (author of Growing up in Mama's Club) and I were good friends in those days. In his congregation in Venice, California the popular and humble "Company Servant" (and we all loved him) was replaced for no discernible reason by the Branch office with a recently exited Bethel brother. Dick describes how the mood within the congregation immediately changed as this newly appointed "Company Servant" came in and started abusing the flock, putting everyone on warning and looking for almost any reason to DF or reprove many of the younger members. He clearly did not see himself as a "servant" - but rather an overlord and executioner.

Although I left the WT completely in the late 1960s, the personality of the servant class changed remarkedly when they began to be called "elders" and "overseers." You could feel the love escaping out of the Kingdom Halls as if someone left the front door open on a chilly day. Even the elderettes began to change from generally good-hearted gossips to judgmental busy-bodies.

During the 1970s and 80s the whole concept of elders being "servants" completely disappeared with some rare exceptions. Even my own JW family members would comment that "things have changed" because "some of the elders were too lax and were replaced with other brothers who were not afraid to take a harder line toward the congregation."

My last trip to a KH was a couple of Memorials ago - just to observe and try to blend in. I was immediately recognized as a stranger and "love bombed" by a young brother and his family. They were sweet people and a joy to sit with. But the elders? Preening and clearly self-important. They were cold and obviously suspicious when introduced to me. Two of them came over and gave me the third degree about where I lived and why I was there. I watched as they all walked around the KH like peacocks showing off their expensive suits and haircuts. Their handshakes were formal and unfriendly - almost as if they were prosecuting attorneys looking to make a case against me. They barked out orders to the young couple who "adopted" me - "Get his name and address and be sure he has a study book before he leaves." The young brother reacted in an almost "Stepinfetchit" way and immediately took me over to the literature counter where he gave me a NWT Bible and "Bible Teach" book. He was clearly both in awe and intimidated by the elder.

So yes, times have changed. When even my own JW family members will reluctantly admit that elders have become less loving in recent years, then you know why some Kingdom Halls are losing their young people and troubled members.

JV

minimus

Juan, they probably had a feeling you were an "apostate".

Experiences With The Elders

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