Ready to put the breaks on my kids attending meetings

by marriedtoajw 10 Replies latest jw friends

  • marriedtoajw
    marriedtoajw

    Those of you who have been reading any of my posts know my situation with my jw wife. To update you a little on what's been going on, here it is. My 22 year old son who still lives at hom has stopped studying with the jw's and has not been to meetings for a few weeks. The jw he was studying with came to the house a couple of Sundays ago asking if he could speak to him. He was polite and I replied that he was at a friends arranging what college courses to take in the next quarter. Turns out my son has met someone, not a jw. He was introduced to a very nice girl by one of his cousing, my cousins daughter. He has also found some part time work through the help on my sister. Nothing great but it's a job with a small but much needed steady pay check. My wife seems to not mettle too much as to why he's not attending meetings with her, but then again, I'm out of the house quite a bit and so I may be unaware of any conversations they may have had.

    He would never call me when we were separated or out of the house for anything, ever... He would always call my wife for just about anything when one of us are out of the house, but he's been calling me for little things here and there. This may seem like nothing but it is. He would never call me for anything unless it had to do with money he needed. He seems different. I've also been rocking the boat with my wife a little lately calling her out on her double life. Nothing major just a few little things here and there. I've gotten to the point where I need to do something different, anything as long as it's different from being the passive accomadating no rocking the boat kind of guy I've been.

    As I've mentioned on another post, my wife's jw mom and dad rent a house from a jw and so does my sil and her husband, from the same jw. Seems hard times has fallen on this particular jw and he needs to sell the house my sil and bil are renting. They have to move into another jw's trailer that is parked on their own property that they normally use for vacations. They're moving by the end of the month and my inlaws want my wife to go visit them, in the next state, to just be there to help them get settled in. Now, we are broke and I don't have the money to pay for the gas just so she can drive there. In fact, I've had to borrow from family off and on over the last year. All of the sudden she decides that she will take up the offer her cousin gave her to work in a food truck to make "extra" money so she can take the trip. I looked at her and said, "you really think that this is extra money don't you? How is it that I'm working like a dog and still fall short, but the money I earn is our money and this is going to be your money to take a trip we can't afford?"

    I'm really pissed, not hurt but pissed because she knows how hard I work but never does anything herself to look for work in any way. Now I find out that she's had this offer to work with her cousin that she didn't tell me about but now wants to tak advantage of it to take this trip for her?. I'm at the end of my rope with everything jw. My daugher is getting more confused too. She wants to go trick or treating but is asking questions as to why the people at the meeting says it's bad and the other kids there can't go. I've been patient long enough and I'm ready to not just take a stronger stand but to do everything I can to keep my kids out of that Hall...

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    All right, buster. Slow down a little. Your children are starting to feel their oats and this is VERY GOOD. Don't go Rambo on this, trying to ban anything. Be the cat that ate the canary. Be happy for them!

    I am very glad you are shaking up your world a little. It appears to be working very well. I'd say you've found your groove.

    How about negotiatng the wife's extra income; say she uses 50% for things you normally can't afford (like the trip), and the other 50% for a bill; say, the cable or or something? Don't completely disincentivize her efforts to work, even if her motives are suspect.

  • Comatose
    Comatose

    That's good advice jgnat had. Since she appears to be content to be lazy most of the time you have to incent her to work it seems.

    Congrats on your kids. Can you just tell the kids they can do what they want? If they want to go fine if not stay home. Make sure they know its a choice. What's your wife going to do? Leave you and have to work full time?

  • zeb
    zeb

    Go jgnat!

  • Gayle
    Gayle

    Your kids are lucky,,with you they have a door open to easily leave JWs control. Sounds like it's happening! You can show them the way to freedom of mind and heart. They are seeing the way out gradually and how the JW way has no happiness to offer.

  • garyneal
    garyneal
    My daugher is getting more confused too. She wants to go trick or treating but is asking questions as to why the people at the meeting says it's bad and the other kids there can't go.

    Different people view things differently, some people think it is okay to trick or treat, some do not. The attitude witnesses take with Halloween can also be found in many Christian churches as well. Tell her you think it is okay if she wants to do it.

    Are you in charge of your finances? You should be if you alone are making all the money. Pay what bills you can and cut off non essential things. For me, something non-essential might include a cell phone plan that my wife and I have. If she starts making her own money, she can buy her own plan. That is just an example, your mileage may vary.

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    A relative of mine just watched her husband leave his third job in a row. Things are tight and as it stands, she is the only breadwinner. They worked out a plan. Cable is cut, no television. Besides, she figures, her teen daughter needs to be studying. She's budgetting in other ways, too. No more pre-packaged dinners and meals; it is scratch all the way. Soup for supper.

  • marriedtoajw
    marriedtoajw

    Thanks jgnat, it is good advise because that feels right. Just had so little of anything going my way lately. Not that I'm necessarily playing a game or at war but in a way, it feels good watching my son make his own decisions that seem right to me instead of watching him head for a train wreck and feeling unable to help him. I know the road is long and the future is unknown but this gave me a little bit of fuel. Thank you for redirecting me to a more realistic and practical position, I get it. Well, as for the finances, I don't believe my wife has any real intention of taking any job for any extended period of time. I'm not counting on this job lasting as she implied it's just temperary to earn $ for the trip, even though it could be more. Again, not a great job but it would relieve some pressure from me. Don't think she's interested in that it seems... Actions speak louder than words. We have cut almost all unecessary expences. I would say the only thing we do that is technically unecessary is we do eat one at a restaraunt once every other month. No fast food, no video game purchases, no sport events or concerts, at least none I pay for...

  • friendaroonie
    friendaroonie

    Its about time!

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    I agree, marriedtoajw. I sense you can tell there is change around the corner, whether your wife likes it or not.

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