I have been abused in some way or another my entire life. My dad started molesting me when I was 3 years old. He physically molested me until I was 16 and we moved into a new house where I had a lock on my door. With my door locked at night I no longer recieved late night visits from my dad. When I was 5 I told my mom about the game I played with daddy. Mom didn't stop it. When dad found out that that mom wasn't going to do anything to stop him he kicked it up a notch and would molest me while mom was in the same room watching. Dad also physically, emotionally and spiritually abused me. I remember I was a hard core thumb sucker and dads way to break the habit for me was to break my thumb. Now mom wasn't any angel. She beat the crap out of me every chance she got with wooden spoons. It wasn't until I was 40 that I could even have wooden spoons in my house. I threw moms spoons in the fireplace every time she replaced them. I easily burned over 100 wooden spoons. When I was 16 I came home on the last day of school to my bags packed and a one way ticket to Alaska to live with my grandmother. When they found out how happy I was the promptly sent a one way ticket home. Mom also emotionally and spiritually abused me. My older brother and younger sister were more of my abusers physically, emotionally and spiritually as well. I can remember my brother hitting me in the head with a baseball bat and I got in trouble. There was a 2 year period where I was in the ER for another injury weither it was a broken bone or stiches. My sister is 10 months and 10 days younger than I am. She was the pretty one. I am not never have been. In fact I am what some would consider homely. I never had a date until I was 19. No homecomming, no prom, I couldn't even get a date for the sadie hawkins dance. My sister on the other hand always had one. Every big dance mom jumped at the oppertuinity rub it in. Making me go dress shopping with them, praiding my sister around in front of my bragging about how pretty she was all the while telling me I had to due better in school because I was to ugly to land a husband. I would need an education to support myself. Now lets jump to when I was 20. I had a boyfriend. We moved in together. Thats when his sexual abuse started. He liked to swing. Forced me to swing. I can't tell you how many STD's I got. When I came home after 6 weeks living together I came home early and found him in bed with another man. All our swinging never included same sex. I knew there was no way I would ever be able to satisfy him sexually and Aids had just come onto the front burner. I no longer wished to be with this man. I had no idea I was pregnant. When my mom found out I was pregnant she and my grandmother pushed me everyday to abort the baby. When it became to late for an abortion They went into a daily routine to put the baby up for adoption. Which I did.
Why I can never escape abuse
by KariOtt 15 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse
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KariOtt
Now After I put my son up for adoption I relized what a mistake it was and that it really wasn't my decision anyway I called the agency and made arrangements to get my son back. It was easy because no papers had been signed. Since I was still living with my mom she told me that I would have to find my own place to live. Since mom and dad had finally divorced and dad had bought an apartment building and he never wanted me to give his grandson away to begin with. I told him what I did and mom kicking me out for getting my son back dad gave me a 1050 square apartment to live in. Free. This was the 1st of many great things he did to gain my forgiveness. We even went through counsling together. Yes I have forgiven him. Many find that feat remarkable. Though counsling I saw remorse and disgust at what he had done to me. After I worked through the issues with my dad my therapist thought it was time to get my mom in counsling with me. That only amounted to 1 session to wich she used the whole session blaming me for suducing her husband and distroying her marrage. My therapist told me that mom would never be in a session with me again. That she felt that she did nothing wrong and until she relized she was wrong and not me therapy with her would be a waist of time, money and energy.
I'll finsh my story tomorrow.
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clarity
Kari ..........omg
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Have you been in some kind of therapy?
If not plse try to find some.
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You need professional support & caring.
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I just can't imagine parents being this EVIL!
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Is your grandmother still around? Can you talk to her?
So sorry Kari .......
clarity
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Nice_Dream
I am so sorry this has happened to you. It sounds like you have been through so much, I can only imagine. You are a strong and beautiful woman, and I hope that you can seek some more counseling to help support you on your journey. <3
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LoisLane looking for Superman
(((Big hugs of sympathy and concern to you))) I am so glad you are in Counseling.
Your thread is that you cannot escape abuse. It sounds though, like you are on a bigger and better road, than you have ever been on in your life.
For your father to confront you and try to gain your forgiveness, is something. In your State, could he still be sent to Prison for years, including your mother, for what they both did to you?
LoisLane
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happy@last
What an amazing and strong person you are to have survived. Enjoy every day of your freedom.
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zeb
and karri i take it they were jw in 'good standing'?
Karri in my home state is the name of a beautiful reddish and strong timber and a beautiful tree as well. Like the others i too am glad you are in counselling.
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KariOtt
Zeb.... no they were not jw. Dad is catholic and mom was a aitheist. Mom died in 1993. Dad is still alive.
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DeWandelaar
I am so wtf-ed that I do not know a way to answer properly... I feel so sorry for you
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Scully
Kari
I'm very sorry for what has happened to you. I'm glad you were able to go to counselling with your father and that he was able to realize how he hurt you, and how he took steps to restore your relationship and gain your forgiveness. I'm proud of you for being able to forgive him - not too many people can do that - yes, you are remarkable.
You've done so much for yourself and your son to help break the cycle of abuse in your family. There's one more step to take: you need to feel that you are worthy of being treated with the respect you deserve as a human being. You need to give yourself permission to escape abuse.
Let me switch the word abuse with another equally ugly one: slavery. Do you think anyone who was ever a slave felt that it was a situation that they could 'never escape' from? All it took was for one person to stand up and declare themselves deserving of and entitled to freedom instead of slavery. The idea spread, and the more people who believed in the equality of all persons, the more people dared to stand up for their own right to be free.
You have to believe that you deserve better in order to expect better. Believe in yourself and your right to be treated properly, my dear, that is the most important thing you can teach yourself.