Why I never escape abuse....part 3

by KariOtt 12 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse

  • KariOtt
    KariOtt

    Now I am in rehab. 45 days inpatient. The program was a 28 day but I had to play my social service caseworkers game. She said 45 days in, so the center said I could stay. They didn't mind as they were charging me $250.00 a day. I had no insurance so I was put on a payment plan. I had a blast there. I ran into an old charge nurse and my bailbonds man. I kept him on retainer to make sure I never spent a night in jail. When I got out I never argued at the fact my caseworker was bulling me. She made me stay in the same alcohol class that ran for 32 weeks for 5 years. The class met once a week and cost $75.00 per class. She also had me on UA's twice a week and had someone show up at my home once a week for a breathalizer. That was free. I also had to attend an AA meeting once a week. For 5 years! She let my son return to me after 6 months. I had planned on staying sober only long enough to get full costody of my son back and move out of the state. Some where inbetween I was no longer staying sober for my son and for me. I remained sober for 17 years until last June when I had yet another fight with my hubby over his growing reinvolvement with the witnesses. I drank a lot over 2 days before I attempted suicide again and failed. I checked myself into a psych ward. We all know how jw's feel about psych help and I was discharged after 2 days. I was able to get 3 out patient sessions before an end was put on that. God forbid I reveal anything about the witnesses. I am not a witness but that didn't matter. I was able to get an excelent assessment. With that and the therapist recomendations my primary care doctor put me on 3 different antidepressants, an anti anexity, 2 different drugs to help keep my mind from racing, and a stromg sleeping pill. Since my eating habits suck he advised my to take a multi vitamin. I also take a thyroid medication since my thyroid was removed due to cancer. More on that hell tomorrow night.

    part 4 tomorrow

    Sorry this is so long and taking several days to finsh.

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    I still don't get your hubby's hold on you, why you handed so much over to him. Including your mental health, for which he is proveably not responsible. Your son is all grown up? I am betting he is very proud of you.

  • KariOtt
    KariOtt

    jgnat.... I don't know why he has such a hold on me. My son is 27 and wont work clamming health reasons. Since I feel he is old enough to support himself We no longer support him. So as he put it I am dead to him until the next time he wants something. He lives with my dad mooching his life away. On the rare times he does work he takes care of his wants before his needs. Since his wants cost more than he usually has his needs are never met. Thats where grandpa comes to his rescue. I quit telling my dad to stop giving him everything he wants. More on my son tomorrow in part 4.

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    Did you notice how you reversed my question? I asked why you allowed it, and you say he has the hold on you. You are a separate person from your husband, with a free will.

    Sorry to hear that your son is taking his time growing up. Some do manage to snap out of it, hopefully sooner rather than later.

  • KariOtt
    KariOtt

    jgnat which post are you refering to?

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    Hi Kari. I hope you have a good night. I'll keep an eye out for your continuing posts. I walked away from an abusive relationship (on wobbly legs, but I did it) so I am feeling the sisterhood.

    Here's the exchange, right above.

    J: I still don't get your hubby's hold on you, why you handed so much over to him.

    K: I don't know why he has such a hold on me.

    J: Did you notice how you reversed my question? I asked why you allowed it, and you say he has the hold on you.

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    I'm going to repeat for you the events in your life that show off your strength.

    • You locked the door when you turned sixteen.
    • You walked away from more than one abusive relationship.
    • You confronted your abuser and reconciled with him.
    • You graduated from nursing school, top of your class.
    • You repudiated a weak mother who would not or could not face her own demons.
    • You complied with all requirements to earn your son back.
    • You faced your alchoholism and enjoyed seventeen years of sobriety.
    • You're smart.
  • Aunt Fancy
    Aunt Fancy

    You said your primary care physician gave you these meds. I know many do prescribe them but with your history I would suggest you find a very good psycrytrist who specializes in pharmacy and get yourself regulated by someone other than a primary care doctor. They do not specialize in this and and you really need to have someone that really knows this field. They can also recommend a good therapist that specializes in your type of abuse. I have always believed that you should find the best doctor for whatever your situation is. Don't settle for a primary care doctor when you are dealing with such a serious situation.

    Jgnant makes a good point. I would run and get as far away as you can from your abuser. There are so many options out there for women today, you don't have to take the abuse. Just because you have been severely abused as a child does not mean you have to live the rest of your life being abused. Take a stand for yourself and get out. Why live your life like this when there are other options out there. There are many women that have had terrible abuses done to them but they took control of their lives and got out. They are living very fulfilling lives and they are free. Unless you love drama and you get some sort of pleasure from all of the dram then get out. I know many people are comfortable in all of the turmoil and drama but it takes work to get out. It takes a lot of work and you have to be willing to change in order to get out.

  • AlphaMan
    AlphaMan

    Kari......very courageous endurance through all of this. Could you please tell more about how your family was involved with the JW's and how the Watchtower caused some of your terrible experiences?

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    Kari, I know from experience that abused partners sometimes have to take a few "trial runs" at leaving, just to be certain they can make it on their own. I won't count any trial runs as failures.

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