So Frightened.. Extremely Afraid

Caupon

As some of you may know, I'm a pretty troubled lad who was on the verge of getting baptised but stopped when I learned the shocking truth about the organization. Following that my own mother let me have it in anger to my decision. Since then, my life has been true hell.

But there is something that creeped me out a bit at my last meeting, particularly the Ministry School. I'm trying my best to act like I enjoy the meetings and I suppose I'm succeeding in that. I'm also naturally respectful so there is no problem speaking to folks. Now, walking inside, I guess my suit jacket was very loose on the button threads. So one button fell as I was finding my seat. But I didn't know it had fallen so after the forsaken meeting, I opened the door to the rear library to try to find them. What do you know? Benoist to me, the elders were there just talking casually, which was weird hearing them talking just like any other group of males. At that moment, the way they were talking made it evident that it wasn't at all about Jehovah or anything related to the organization and congragation. Unfortunately, I still asked them if I could look for something. All five men looked at me like I was really annoying them. And almost immediately one said furiously, "No, you can not! Not while we're having a meeting." They all had the biggest tempered stare on me. After that I apologized and closed the door stunned. I figured just wouncing in on them may have been negligent and stupid on my part but I in no way expected such an aggresive reaction like that, especially from the elders. I mean, they did not even ask me what I was looking for.

Being a minor, it really scared me because even though I know the Witnesses are false, they still seemed very nice people. Now I'm terrified to go back to the Kingdom Hall because of that encounter of people who always were so pleasant but showed me another side to themselves. Or maybe I'm worried about nothing and they just had a bad day, but that can't be because they all appeared to be happy giving their talks and greeting everyone that day. Or am I just overthinking this? It just seems that the more I learn about the formerly called Russelites, the more horrific the organization stands with me.

braincleaned

Don't worry too much. You did nothing wrong. They acted like Pharisees ... even bullies. So let it go.

It's a pity they don't know how to act like Jesus.

Anyway, how old are you?

Do you have any questions that are bothering you?
Can we help?

braincleaned

My son is 15, and my daughter 12... I love him so much. I'm an atheist dad, but my his mom is a JW. I encourage him to be polite and even to listen carefully at the meetings.
You have to know why you will choose this or that path. Knowledge is power. However, without confusing him, I also teach him critical thinking. It's important to know why you believe what you do, and how you know what you know. It's a process.

As for baptism, I will say what I said to my son; "if 30 years old is good for Jesus, it's good for you." Give yourself time to go thru the changes you need to go thru before taking a life-altering decision. That goes for marriage too! LOL! Okay?

PS: I write & draw comics for a living. So I never really grew up!
Vince.

Xanthippe

Hi Caupon, I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time. I'm glad you didn't get baptised. Eventually you will be able to leave home and start a new life away from this religion. Focus on that because it may seem a long way off to you but you have your whole life ahead of you and it's going to be ok.

Some elders are good people. My husband was a good elder, he really cared about the brothers and sisters. Unfortunately most of them don't. Many of them are people who can't cope with the real world and haven't achieved much with their lives so they are big fish in the tiny JW pond. Many of them know they wil never amount to much so they look down on others especially the intelligent ones - try being an intelligent woman in that religion. So I do understand why they treated you like that. You probably frighten them because you are bright and they know it!

Anyway you are not imagining things but I would say don't take it too much to heart because in a few years you are going to be outa that place! Take care

Qcmbr

Forgive me if I'm wrong - this reads like a troll post. Minors do not refer to themselves as minors nor would they mention Russelites. This situation seems contrived and the response out of place ( terrified simply because some one acted like a dick?) I think this is an adult.

If I have made a gross error and you are a young person who writes like an adult but who is emotionally on the edge ( the situation described is nothing to do with JWs , it's just life and everywhere is the same) then Iwould strongly suggest you don't use Internet forums for advice and comfort unless you can first of all resolve why you are emotionally so fragile. You will experience far worse on public forums than people simply getting short with you. If your situation is real then you will get battered roving the Internet. Respect your family, honour the efforts they make to feed, clothe , protect and love you and know that as you get older you will be able to make difficult choices about relationships and beliefs much better when you have emotionally and mentally matured.

AudeSapere

Hi Caupon -

I don't recall your story so sorry that I'm not up-to-speed on your details. But did want to give a quick comment...

You wrote: Or am I just overthinking this?

I wasn't there, but my opinion is that you are overthinking it. It sounds like you are fairly well-balanced and working to keep yourself well-informed. As long as you stay respectful, don't get into too much trouble and keep your humor about you, the KH should not be horrific for you at this stage. Boring as hell, maybe, but not necessarily horrific.

There are sucky things about growing up a JW. But there are some good times, too.

JW elders are not paid. Neither are they very well trained. Most work very difficult and strenuous secular jobs. Meeting times can become more stressful. I would not dwell much on the harsh response. I doubt it was personal. You just caught them off guard and they wanted their privacy back - for whatever reason.

That said, my best suggestion for teenage JWs is to lay low in the congregation. Focus on school/formal education and get a job. Save money and learn to budget yourself. Learn to cook and care for yourself. Help around the house and help neighbors. Don't get baptized. Follow Jesus example - he did not get baptized until he was 30. Avoid discussions about doctrine, websites, WT history. Casual mention is probably OK but there is nothing to gain from full-blown hysteria over things the WTS did 70 years ago. They did it. You know they did it. I know they did it. They know they did it. But they say they've changed. And all they (elders and your parents) will do is blame you and try to correct your thinking.

Just lay low. Take care of the business of setting yourself up for a good life that is supported by a good career. You can pick a religion after you have explored life a little. There is absolutely no rush and no sense in fretting about it.

I hope this makes sense and helps just a little. Looking forward to hearing more from you.

btw - Welcome to JWN~!! It's nice to have you join us.

-Aude Sapere (meaning: Dare to Know; Dare to Have Wisdom/Understanding; Dare to Think for Yourself)

braincleaned

I know a 14 year old who writes like this, and many 16/17 year olds who would make an adult's writing pale in comparaison.
I started to write at a very young age... so I choose the benefit of the doubt.

steve2

When I was your age, I was a bit on the vexed and super-sensitive side too. You'll be fine. Wear thicker clothes - they'll protect your thin skin. The elders sound terribly normal for elders though. Start to worry when they lure you into the back room and ask who removed the false predictions from Russell's Divine Plan of the Ages. Boy, you cannot help but look guilty as hell. Give it time- you'll eventually grow up...I hope.

Qcmbr

Then let us all tread carefully, there are legal ramifications when engaging minors on the Internet.

Caupon

Qcmbr, sorry for reading like a troll but when I write posts, I write it like I'm writing a paper for school. I look up words in the dictionary and stay very careful in expressing my feelings, which is not something I'm good at in real life. Thanks everyone for your advice. I guess I was overreacting the situation. Being a stressful and untidy person is no easy come by. Didn't mean to waste everyones time.

So Frightened.. Extremely Afraid

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