why am i still single?

by redpilllizard81 23 Replies latest social relationships

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  Las Malvinas son Argentinas

  Put up pics of yourself doing something, or with other people. Do NOT post pics of you taking a pic of yourself in the bathroom mirror. Smile on the pics. Show some teeth. Put up as many as you can. On your profile description, be honest and tell them what you like to do in your spare time and in life. Show a little philosophy, but don't get carried away with it. Don't get too wordy. Chances are they've already made up their mind by the time they have gotten past the pics.

  Do NOT always talk about yourself. Only do so when prompted. If anyone told you that dating is like going to a job interview they are lying. Ask the other party questions, but make sure they're good ones. Show a genuine interest. 'What are your goals in life?' is too broad. Ask about what they did last weekend, or lure them into talking about their friends. Take the bait when you are prompted to say something about yourself. Don't go on and on about your job.

  Above all, stay positive and optimistic, and NEVER bring up exes unless you really have to.
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  prologos

  pictures not in the bathroom mirror just after a shower, but a scene where your full (or not) toe to head self shows of well.
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  redpilllizard81

  I would love to talk about exes...what exes?? as a witness we werent allowed to date so therefore my dating history doesnt have much to draw on....I think in some ways I'm penalized bc of lack of dating history...like poor credit/no credit....
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  LivingTheDream

  Yeah, it's hard to date at first when you are newly "out". But what worked for me was to not try to think about JW stuff AT ALL! ZERO. NADA.
  
  Don't think like a JW, try to think like a normal person. Try to stop worrying about what other JWs are doing for example. Stop looking at their Facebook stuff. Stop thinking about all their crap. Once I stopped caring about them and worrying what "they might think" I started doing better with the friends situation as well as the girls situation.
  
  Try to develop friends too, not just chasing romance. These friends can show you how to "act" around people of the opposite sex in a non-JW way, which is what you need to do to get anywhere.
  
  By the way, with these friends, come clean and tell them you feel like an awkward dork and tell them why. Most of these people will take pity on your JW past knowing it wasn't your fault you were in there in the first place. Most will want to try to help you get a date, get laid, whatever you need. Unlike JWs, most non-JWs won't judge you for who you are.
  
  Some will even like you for it.
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  KateWild

  I will help you red,

  For me a man has to be funny, have hobbies and interests, and be a good listener and show genuine interest in me. All this needs be in good balance also, I don't want a stalker, or someone out doing hobbies all the time.

  Responsible, reliable and caring are good qualities too.

  The reality is though red xjws have a lot of baggage, so we all as individuals must face the fact our past has shaped us.....I hope a womans perspective has helped you. Have a happy search red

  Kate
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  pronomono

  Go to places where people go to chill and make friends. I used to be incredibly shy, didn't talk to anyone. But now that I'm breaking away from the "truth", I'm a completely different person. I have a co-worker that tells me that there aren't any strangers to me, just people I haven't made friends with yet. I've learned a few drinks loosen me up and then I'm free to talk to anyone. After the initial ice is broken, conversations flow easier.

  Try joining organizations or clubs where people share your interests. We come from an organization minded background, so use that background in making yourself feel comfortable around others with like interests. Bowling club? Pool club? If you live in or around a city, you can find a lot to get into. Just meet people. Aim for friendships. The rest will come later.

  If I knew this before I got married and learned TTATT, I'd be in a completely different situation now.
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  Nice_Dream

  I just read a book called "Marry Him, the Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough." Even though you're a guy, it might be interesting to skim through it for the online dating tips which seemed pretty useful. The lady in the book is 40 and single. She hired a dating coach, goes to meet guys at speed dating events and online and is having difficulty because all the guys are getting snatched up.

  Don't worry about your lack of dating history, it won't be problem for the right person. Get yourself out there and you'll find someone soon enough!
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  Band on the Run

  It is impossible for all the guys to be snatched up. People get divorced, spouses drop dead.....

  In my life, I've found that circumstances do matter. Some communities are more social than others. First, an urban area helps. Second, a university community helps. The more people hang out and do things of interest, the better your chances. I would never go to a singles bar but I observe plenty of neighborhood bars with a regular crowd. Museums run events. There are book clubs and discussion groups at public libraries.

  The larger your circle of acquaintances, the greater your chances of meeting someone or having a friend suggest someone they know. Churches often serve a social function. Many mainstream churches run singles programs.

  Doing interesting things makes you more attractive. Also, you might as well learn/experience things while you don't wait but live. Finally, I recall being young and feeling hopeless in my twenties. I mentioned it a feminist meeting. The married women responded that being married was no guarantee of a great social life or company. One can feel trapped. I view FB as a fake yearbook general bs place. No one places ugly photos or publicizes the horror of their lives on FB. No one should. FB reminds me of yearly Christmas card greetings. People do parodies. One couple took a Christmas photo with a stuffed toy and made up a list of oh so exciting adventures for their fake family.
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  mind blown

  First off. Ponder on your positive behaviors, as well as negative. Hopefully, the positive will out weigh the negavite. If not. Clean emotinal house.

  Take a "realistic" veiw of who you are, and who may be a "realistic" equal.

  Think of hobbies, passions, goals, etc. and attend events or classes where you can meet singles that share your likes. But remember your realistic mirror.

  Put your big boy pants on, and when you see someone you think may be of interest, ask them for their number. Meet in a populated place.

  Always be a gentle men. From the heart.

  If you're douche bag, in anyway, don't be selfish. Let the nice ones go (as not to hurt or scar them)

  Be aware of how one problem solves. Very important.

  Don't be desprate. That will scare many away. But at the same time don't be too cool.

  Notice how one interacts with family or and friends.

  It's a numbers game. If you make the effort to go out and mingle. Eventually, you'll meet someone.

  Don't waste time on someone who isn't into you. Lick your wounds. Move on swiftly. There really is pleanty of fish in the sea.

  What I find awesome are seniors who meet and marry. So there is hope what ever stage you're in.
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  redpilllizard81

  Thanks everyone for the comments. It feels good just to blow some steam off.