Victims Quiet Pain - Why the WTS hides Pedophiles

by Amazing 16 Replies latest jw friends

Amazing

What is for the good of Victims? In borrowing some language from Pathoforms, we can ask the following: Is mandatory reporting of these allegations to the authorities respecting a victim's right to their dignity? What if they feel too embarrassed over what happened or if it is their desire "not to testify" in court? How important is it to get child molesters out of society? And must prosecuting these individuals and protecting other children be balanced with the protecting of the mental and emotional health of the victims?
Consider "Degree and Type" of crime: If you discover someone siphoned some gas from your car ... you see your gas cap on the ground, and your tank half empty ... do you report this to the police? You might. You might not ... you might reason you do not want to bother, or that the person who swiped some gas from you was financially distressed. The police would not make this type of crime, or its low degree of harm, a priority ... and so you will likely forget it.
Now, if your car was stolen, and you could not get to work, and you get fired as a result ... then the 'degree' of harm changes ... and you may have to make report to the police to get insurance benefits, not mention getting car thieves off the street. Or if caught, bringing civil suit to recover various ununsured damages.
Consider "Adult vs Child" victims: A young women, say 19 years old, is a prostitute. She is legally an adult ... and you see her Pimp beat the crap out of her on the street, shove her into a car, and leave the area. Do you note the license plate and report what you saw? Suppose she got away, and ran into you. And you offer to call the police on your cell phone, but she begs and insists that you do not do that, because if her Pimp finds out, he will torture her. What do you do?
Then, right behind her is her roommate who is also a prostitute ... she is 17 years, 11 months old, making her legally 'not' an adult. Of course, you don't know her age, but the point is, she too is being chased by the same Pimp. She too begs and insists that you not go to the police. She too is afraid of torture. Or the embarassment and violation of her dignity.
Then, lo and behold, another 'prostitute in training' runs around the corner ... a victim of the same Pimp ... she is only 16 years old ... what do you do? This continues on until progressively the girls get younger ... 15, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, ... when do you say "no" to the vicitm, and call the police? ... when do you conclude that the victim's "dignity and concerns" must be subjected to the need to contact the authorities?
Consider the "Perpetrators"...: The girls run off from you, and now the Pimp runs around the corner ... and sees you about to make a cell phone call ... assuming you are calling the police ... he begs you to not call the police ... he insists that he has never really harmed the girls ... this is what they wanted. When you tell him you observed his beating the 19 year old, he then changes his story some by promising not to harm the girls anymore ... and continues to beg you to stay out of it ... and think of the desire and dignity of the victim to not have the authorities involved ... what do you do? Yes, of course, many Pimps are mean s-o-b's and will just as soon shoot you as to talk to you ... but some Pimps are not that openly mean, and you would never know they are Pimps. They are 'good' to their girls.
WHAT ABOUT CHILD MOLESTERS? You folks that try to talk 'BALANCE' sound very good ... and in the case of some minor gas siphoning, or other petty acts ... the victim, especially as adults, can make the choice to decide to let it drop and move on. In serious crime ... especially repeated over and over again and again ... THE VICTIMS ARE OUT OF THEIR MINDS ... AND NEED HELP!!!! And this noble talk will not cut it.
Witnessing rape: Again, as I have stated in a few previous posts ... I watched my sister raped by my dad when I was only 5 years old ... He molested her for about SIX YEARS!!! ... from the age of about 6 until 12 ... he stopped because he was more afraid of getting her pregnant. My catching my dad was when my sister was 11. She spent more time comforting me then she did feeling bad for herself. Neither of us knew what to do, or what we could do ... and it took us many years to move beyond this ... for my sister it ended when I had my dad cremated. For me it ended when I was able to openly admit ... AGAINST MY DESIRES ... what really took place. The EMOTIONAL SUFFERING IS ENORMOUS - AND - WORST OF ALL, YOU DO NOT FULLY UNDERSTAND THE SUFFERING UNTIL 30 YEARS LATER, BECAUSE ALL ALONG YOU THOUGHT THAT IT WAS YOUR FAULT THAT YOU SUFFERRED!! That, is the HELL HOLE that PEDOPHILES put their VICTIMS through.!!! It is the mind-game, or type of mind-control a victim suffers. That is hard core reality. VICTIMS NEED HELP, EVEN IF THEY SAY THEY WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE!!!
Hey, sorry about the ALL CAPS ... I am not yelling ... just feeling very emphatic.
WHAT DO WE NEED! We need for parents, and religions, and lawyers, and therapist, and doctors, etc. to get the Pedophiles out of our lives ... and into some kind of treatment center all to themselves on some remote island near the South Pole. We need the same group of responsible adults and adult former victims to step in to help the victims to recover ... and the SOONER THE BETTER !!!
Religions like the Catholic Church and the Watchtower need to release the names of the pedophiles to the authorities - NOW!!! ... they need to support victims - NOW! ... they need to encourage, help and assert that victims and their parents go to the police - NOW!!! ... This waiting around is just stalling and make life more miserable, and will DEEPEN the DAMAGE done to victims.
Damn the committes to study the problem ... and full steam ahead to solve the problem - JUST DO IT - and stop talking about it.
For some posters: PLEASE STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR THE WATCHTOWER BIBLE AND TRACT SOCIETY! Some little token language in their BOE letters is nothing but FILTH ... it is total, absolute, irrefutable, and unquestionable blindness in an attempt to serve their own self interest as an organization ... this dicking around with words and parsing beneficial fairness to the Watchtower group is pure unadulterated bovine excrement. Get THIS: The Watchtower and its GOVERNING BODY DO NOT GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THE VICTIMS ... or we would not be here talking as we are ... they are simply only interested in saving their legal asses ... and perpetrating their own self-importance as religious Pharisees. OTHERWISE ...
They would write a Watchtower article to ALL JWs and not just for the Elders eyes in BOE letters ... and tell the JWs to get the police, the courts, child services, and other agencies involved ... shortly after I left the JWs I got to know a Baptist preacher and his wife who were involved in victim advocate programs through the County ... and when this came up in the Church ... they were able to work with the authorities closely and bring a lot of help ... IF THE BIBLE THUMPING BAPTISTS CAN DO IT --- WHY CAN'T THE JEHOVAH'S WITNESS DO IT? ... because the organization of Jehovah's Witnesses under the auspices of the Watchtower Society is a DYSFUNCTIONAL RELIGION in need of serious help as a community ...
... their relationship is not much different from that of a Pimp and Prostitute, where the victim is beaten and afraid to go to the police ... where the Pimp says: "Oh, I won't stop you or criticize you for going to the police' - but the Prostitute know good and damn well what will happen if she does go to the police ... or the relationship of JW to the religion is like that of Pedophiles and their Victims ... when the Pedophile says to the Victim, IT'S OUR LITTLE SECRET NOW ... DON'T TELL, BECAUSE IT COULD CAUSE LOTS OF PROBLEMS. It is the same mentality when the Elders who last shepherded me ... Elder G in my Exit Series, begged me NOT to go to the police because of the "trouble" it would cause. Dear God, I am glad I went to the police anyway, but I wish I would have gone to the MEDIA.
WE NEED THE LIGHT OF DAY ON THIS TOPIC FOR ALL TO SEE AND UNDERSTAND. PS: Pathoforms, this post was not intended to attack your sincerity ... but to clearly emphasize the issue so that we can get away from parsing words ... and see this for what it is.
morrisamb

I hear your pain. And I can relate to your sister's concern for your feelings while she was being raped. My sister and brothers and I were all sexually abused - sometimes together- and we became extraordinarily protective of each other but never shed a tear for our individual experiences -- who would listen, anyway?
I find people listen to me now and seek out my advice/opinions.
Recently I was contacted by a Brazilian journalist for O Globo Newspaper. He interviewed me about my experience being abused within a Jehovah's Witness family as compared to a priest, etc.
He asked, Do you think there would be less abuse if women were allowed in the clergy? I said, "That's not the point. In fact, neither is whether the vow of celibacy is indirectly related to the number of abuse cases. Molesters use patriarchal systems to prolong their reign of terror. It is not the fault of religion that molesters abuse their position of authority." He then asked, "If these priests are removed from the Church, won't that lead to a major loss of spiritual leaders?" I said, "Aren't churches in place to help their disciples? Isn't one victim's soul worth disrupting an institution for? If you leave one bad apple, you risk spoiling an entire bushel."
The spotlight of sexual abuse is on the Catholic Church at the moment, but the truth is there are legions of male victims in every sphere of life. That said, wouldn't it be Christlike if spiritual leaders within the Catholic Church stood up to the plate, set an example for the world, stating: "Sexual abuse will not be tolerated in any form and those found guilty must be dealt with. The Church aches for the suffering of the innocent victims."
Is that too much to ask? Anything less is unacceptable!
Why do molesters molest? Because they can. While all of us victims carry the guilt that should be on their head, they are free to molest others. I suggest our guilt and shame is directly related to the molester's lack of it.

I think we survivors must speak out so that other victims know they should not give up hope. If you had seen me at my "worst" you wouldn't believe I have the life I have today....I am loved!!! And the best part of it is I know I deserve it. We survivors have our own club, don't we? We have everything in common even though we are strangers.
I am not anti-any religion. I respect faith and its power in peoples' lives. The problem is so do many molesters, who use RELIGION's structure, it's patriarchal institution and it's bureacracy to manipulate and control the innocent. It's the molester who uses the religion -- not the other way around.

I escaped the past by dissociating from my experiences, sometime past and present. I know that's what I needed to do and although I thought I was crazy, that ship has sailed long ago because of the excellent therapy I have experienced. The therapy helped me intellectually never emotinally though. I've never cried in a therapy setting. I only have cried a few times with my partner, Maurice. I had to feel truly loved before I could let go. I'm 41 now. Sometimes I feel like a kid trapped in an adult body. But I'm so happy to be alive which is such an incredable feeling after wishing I was dead for so long.
I have been told I should be a therapist by a great many people. My experience led to a sixth sense about things. It comes very naturally...I have a problem solving brain. Hey we take what we get, no!
And you might find this interesting...
This was a posting on another JW web site, trying to connect my book to the Witnesses in a negative way:

There is growing evidence that the Watchtower Bible & Tract Society is being implicated in having encouraged elders, ministerial servants and even those higher up in the organization to cover over cases of child sexual abuse, male and female rape, molestation as well as domestic violence in their local congregations.
The reason?
The leadership is determined to give the public the impression that they are "God's Organization," a safe haven from the world. The truth of the matter may be far different. (the poster than quote from my web site and gave the web url.
MY REPONSE:
I am the author of the book that Paster Ron started this thread with a reference to. I do not know who Paster Ron is. I didn't even know about this site until my web site showed people had visited my web site from the link here. I've read all the comments in response to Mr. Ron's intitial posting. THE TRUTH IS my book is about a Jehovah's Witness family. I never stress that fact on my web site because my story is universal. Sexual abuse can and has happened to countless families of all denominations. But my book definitely is about the sexual and pyschological abuse of children and the physical abuse of a wife by someone who claimed to be a Jehovah's Witness. That's the facts, but the scope of the story is much broader, covering issues beyond faith: education, justice, crime and punishment.
Then on this same thread someone wrote me:
Donald,

You said that you were a Jehovah's witness. Is it possible for you to give convincing reasons that they are incorrect? There is a disagreement as to who Jesus is on the "Jesus said...." thread (and this entire site for that matter, at least for some of us). Perhaps you might be able to demonstrate here that how Jesus and the Father are separate and that God doesn't actually talk to himself. Or, that God does talk to himself as two different people and yet the same God? If it is confusion, it is not of God, so please, attempt to remove the confusion for us. I found the trinity most convincing until I heard the other side of the story firsthand. Also, I found, since being in this community, that trinitarians have many different versions of what the trinity is suppose to mean. confusing? Is this God's authorship?

My response:
Dear David,

I haven't been a Witness since '84 and in all these years I have never tried to convince someone they should/ or should not do anything based on my experience. If you have found a faith that gives you strength, hope, a future, why would anyone want to stop you?

My book is a memoir about my life. My book certainly deals with issues of faith and the Catholic Church, Jehovah's Witnesses and Born Again Christians do make appearances, but no one reading it will decide to chuck their faith, and if they did, they are looking for something that isn't there.

Many people have shared their personal stories with me over the past two decades and one of the things that I recommend for people who have been imbittered by a system: doctrine, church, society, etc., is to look outside the box that each of these can create. I was able to deal with my past through excellent therapy, unconditional love, and taking the time to see the suffering around me. There are so many people worse of then me ...how can I complain?

I hear your pain. I sense your unhappiness. Please don't give up in your search for truth and light..It's out there.

Donald D'Haene
www.fatherstouch.com
So once again, Amazing, I hear your pain and I empathize with you. We can't change the "world" but we can make a difference.
Mulan

Oprah's show on Friday, 26th, was about child molestation ........... and it emphasized it was 80%of the time, done by someone known to the family. She made a HUGE point that this must be reported to the police. There was a District Attorney on the show, who stated that point too, because while acknowledging that it's hard on the child to testify, it will stop these people from molesting another child. If they knew, for a fact, that the child will report them, after one incident, they might not do it again to another child........or at least think twice about it.
Parents were urged to listen to those little "red flags" that come up, when someone is really interested in your kids. And, most importantly, TALK to your kids, and tell them this might happen to them, and that they should tell you right away, and that you WILL believe them.
It was a good show, and very timely.
Marilyn (aka Mulan)
"No one can take advantage of you, without your permission." Ann Landers
morrisamb

thanks Mulan, I am sorry I missed that.
HoChiMin

Amazing,
This is so true.
>"They would write a Watchtower article to ALL JWs and not just for the Elders eyes in BOE letters ... and tell the JWs to get the police, the courts, child services, and other agencies involved ..."<
If they only acted like the big org. was a loving father and really protected their flock they would do just as stated above. But nnnoooooooo they look out for their own financial ass, and cover up the crimes.
DO YOU HEAR THAT WATCHTOWER?
HCM
waiting

Howdy Amazing,
Is this the first time you've written about your sister on our forum? If there is another time, I don't remember it. Of course, you post almost as much as I do....just beter stuff. It's *amazing* what happens when people continue to speak about the dark secrets of our lives.....it almost becomes the norm, as we recognize that so many people have similar, gross, memories of childhood.
Your sister gave you a fine gift as a child herself - comfort. That's much to be commended as she could have taken her anger out on you, which is what my much younger brother did to my daughter.
the Pimp says: "Oh, I won't stop you or criticize you for going to the police' - but the Prostitute know good and damn well what will happen if she does go to the police[/b]
... or the relationship of JW to the religion is like that of Pedophiles and their Victims ... when the Pedophile says to the Victim, IT'S OUR LITTLE SECRET NOW ... DON'T TELL, BECAUSE IT COULD CAUSE LOTS OF PROBLEMS. It is the same mentality when the Elders who last shepherded me
Good analogies. Just words given totally void of feeling for victim - but said to keep victim in line - and it works. At home, in the congregation.
Glad you added that note to Path - good guy. It's hard for people who've not had that type of background to understand. Rather like a man understanding a woman who's giving birth. When he says he understands......he doesn't.
waiting
waiting

Hello morris or Donald (got a preference?)
Nice to meet you. I've been to your website, before your book was published. Thank you for making your childhood account available for others to read.
Sometimes jw's are so defensive, they can't see that the real issue is child abuse, not jw's. Sometimes, xjw's can develop that same viewpoint. Problem is, the issues are so interwoven.
Glad you decided to venture into our forum - interesting place for vicious webwars to fluff to law. But it's addictive.
waiting
morrisamb

Dear Waiting, nice to make your acquaintance. Actually my partner's name is Maurice (Morris) and I am Donald.
Thanks for your comments. I would have to say, after more than 20 years of dealing with the subject, ministers, priests, Elders, whatever, are generally the most unqualified people in handling sexual abuse. Nothing has changed my mind but I'd love to! So once I figured that out, I realized that's one of the problems. I wouldn't listen one second to a minister, priest, Elder, whatever tell me one thing about how I should feel, what I should do. Hug me, love me, give me unconditional love, but shut up about knowing what's best for me and my experience with abuse!
two examples as proof.
1. I was in a car with a priest last summer. He didn't know I had been abused and he told my partner, who was sitting in the back seat: "You know, I'm worried about my pension. Those sex abuse victims' allegations and case settlements are dipping into the pot!"
2. An Elder told my Mother, "I can't believe Donald would turn out like his father." You guessed it, just because I'm gay and my father was a heterosexual molester.
Waiting,after all I've been through, such lines take on a level of farce. I mean these "ministers' missions" are to counsel and comfort others. How little comfort these comments prove to be!
Yes, people will find my little book quite an eye-opener!
dungbeetle

>For some posters: PLEASE STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR THE WATCHTOWER BIBLE AND TRACT SOCIETY! Some little token language in their BOE letters is nothing but FILTH ... it is total, absolute, irrefutable, and unquestionable blindness in an attempt to serve their own self interest as an organization ... this dicking around with words and parsing beneficial fairness to the Watchtower group is pure unadulterated bovine excrement. Get THIS: The Watchtower and its GOVERNING BODY DO NOT GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THE VICTIMS ... or we would not be here talking as we are ... they are simply only interested in saving their legal asses ... and perpetrating their own self-importance as religious Pharisees. OTHERWISE ...<
I wish you would go back and BOLD this.....
And that is a very good point. If the Watchtower meant business, this would be to ALL congregations...GOOD GOOD point...
waiting

Howdy Donald,
2. An Elder told my Mother, "I can't believe Donald would turn out like his father." You guessed it, just because I'm gay and my father was a heterosexual molester.
That's a more common response than one would think - and not just among the jw's. Even the Catholics want the priests to marry so that they won't abuse children. Like, if the men had women.....they wouldn't want kids - which alludes to the thought that somehow having sex with kids is normal (just different).
Or the thought to throw the gays out of the priesthood. Like, then there would be no more child molesters.
Btw, my father was a homosexual child molester. And one of my children is gay (in law school - taking exams right at the moment - and foul humored when sober during this week). My favorite aunt is gay, and my x-mother in law is waaaaaaaaay gay. No molesters in there (to my knowledge) other than my dad.
But it's hard to change public opinion - particularily when a lot of the change has to come from a child's mouth. Or an adult's memories - which a lot of people say aren't of worthy value.
Strange world.
waiting

Victims Quiet Pain - Why the WTS hides Pedophiles

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