by ILoveTTATT 45 Replies latest jw friends
Go out to dinner, then a movie.
Don't answer any calls from them.
If they happen to catch you, just say "Now is not a good time, I'll call you when I need shepherding". If they say anything, just smile and repeat that phrase. repeat it in response to anything & everything they say or ask.
Don't meet with them, use the excuse you are suffering from depression and not able to discuss things at this time. Do not speak to them in person, as they will not respect boundries. They kept pushing until my son had a breakdown and still didn't stop. They do not control you no matter what they think. Hint around of depression to mom and let her know talkig to Elders could push you over edge. Mom may likely go into mama bear mode and start protecting you.
My son said looking back he would not meet with the Elders. It just gives them power. You have your dad convinced as I said above now try to get mom in protective mode. We mom are usually protective of those who want to hurt our children no matter how old our children are,
" I don't want to not be in the house that moment since my mom will be there, and eventually I will have to face them."
Nope, you don't ever have to meet with them.
Think: if they didn't want to meet with you, it would NEVER happen.
You have the same choice.
Tell one Elder that he can come over and tell you all the reasons that they want to meet. Just 1, not 2. If they call you do what I did. Say. " Hey buddy Elder, call me back in 30 minutes. I am super busy at the moment." Then go make a really good drink. Then take it to them. Be a man. Just say , " So Elder buddy, man to man, between you and me, what are your concerns? " Just keep it casual.
Also, it's all about taking charge. If you don't, they will. Absolutely refuse to meet with 2 Elders unless you can bring your A game. I had 5 Elder's meetings and was accused of apostasy and being disrespectful to the Slave. I knew what I was talking about, and handed out articles from the WTBTS's own CD-Library. They had to call the CO in. They had nothing, so all they could do was take away my microphone handling assignments and WT reading and prayer at the KH! LOL!! I could be df'd right now if I had not been careful. So I would say that it is safer to NOT meet.
One thing that you could say is that you have doubts. Doubts are not a df'ing offense. One of the Elders said, " I am just afraid that you may have doubts." So I said ," Of course I have doubts! Jesus' disciples are not part of the Slave "class" anymore! Everything we have taught for over 90 years was wrong! If I had told you this earlier, I would have been hauled in the back room." Silence..... That was the last time they called me. Then 2 different Elders wanted to meet " just to encourage " because I told 2 other Elders that there would not be anymore backroom secret court sessions, I was NOT going to play that game. Of course, I said "NO" to their encouraging meetings, and I will continue to do so. Someday I may meet with them and respectfully present some facts to them and make them answer, but it will be on my terms.
The longer you stall, the more your Father will see how these people act. I would wait until you are ready, and then whatever you choose to do will be for the benefit of yourself and your family. You have to send a message. You are not under their authority.
DD
ILOVETTATT - You've had a lot of really great suggestions. I'd follow those suggestions as most folks are giving you the same advise just worded differently. You don't OWE the elders any explanations. They are not your lord and masters. Even though they THINK they are as one poster mentioned. If you give them no power over you they start feeling somewhat emasculated and stripped of their imaginary " power " - then in time they'll give up and stop bothering you.
As some mentioned you can just use the depression card, or just say you are doing fine and if you need anything that you'll call them. Elders only have as much power as we give them- so don't give them any power over you. If your mom starts asking questions, just say " it's personal and I'm working it out " then get support from your dad as he offered to you. Don't worry about any repercussions about the conversation you had with the almost baptized JW lady . You did good in disclosing the TTATT to her. Her JW husband's just pissed that she didn't get baptized- that's NOT your problem. It's HIS problem and HER desicion. You just watch after your own behind and don't disclose anything to these elder fools who think they can run your life. They can't even run their own lives- what right do they have to run yours ? Hang in there we are here for you, O.K. ? PM me if you ever want to chat. Elders used to bug me and call on me - they haven't for years now, they eventually give up if they see they aren't getting anywhere with you. Give no quarter to them. Good luck
All you have to say is....I cannot meet with you (and say it very nicely and forceful). If they ask for another date....just say, "No not at this time". DO NOT EXPLAIN YOURSELF.
They will probably continue to ask questions, just listen politely...but do no answer...just say thanks for calling or your concern. But I need to go now....goodbye
This is a lesson that is important not just with JW, but with others. It's your life, time, journey, etc. and you control who you want to include.
If you meet, you WILL be DFed unless you can lie through your teeth the whole time.
Hi all, THANKS!! I don't know much of you but I feel a growing "cariño" (endearment) to all...
Just to let you know, operation DODGE AND AVOID is ON!
So with the marvels of technology (so simple as a toggle on-off on the iPhone), I learnt how to not send my caller ID for all calls...
Plus my landline company offers a service that blocks calls from certain people... You bet the elders of who I have their numbers for, are blocked.
Plus I recently changed my cell phone number and haven't even given it to my mom or dad... Just so they have real deniability... They do NOT know my phone number.
I called the elder with my blocked caller ID, left a VM, I can't today... maybe reschedule? (thinking about it, I shouldn't have said let's reschedule... Just sorry can't today!)
ILTTATT
Stall. Lie to them. Pretend that they dont exist. Here is a little secret: unless the elders dont like you, have a personal vendetta or you were very prominent; they actually hate having to meet, form a JC and DF someone. All this requires time, work and headaches. Most of these guys have full time jobs, bitchy wives and are probably already annoyed with the needy ones in the hall. If the big boss is in town then they have to get their butts in gear for the week before and during the visit. So, if your ride these two weeks out you will probably be in the clear. If you stay out of sight you will eventually be out of mind.
I don't think they're going to buy that someone impersonated you on Facebook.
If you're not ready to be DFed, you will have to convince them that you made a horrible mistake in talking to the woman and that you are incredibly sorry for it. Otherwise, avoiding them is good advice. They could still DF you anyways, but if you don't talk to them, you'll have more options later on.
Handle it in the best way for YOU. Good luck.
