by lv4fer 22 Replies latest jw friends
I am just curious. Unfortunately I don't think I'm going to be able to do the slow fade as I had hoped. There is no way they are going to Df me, if I go it will be on my terms! Do I have to write a letter to the society, or do I just tell the elders.
"The reward for conformity was that everyone liked you except yourself."
Rita Mae Brown
You can write a letter to your elders, just saying that you no longer wish to be considered one of Jehovah's Witnesses. They will pass the info on to the Society. The elders might want to meet with you, or at least call you to make sure that this is your decision. Then the announcement will be made and you will be seen as a dissassociated person.
I Found it simplier to start celebrating holidays and brake as many rules and regulations as I could as so printed in their Hand Book --- Have been visted 2xs now by DAN HALL of Reveal Ministries and if that does not do it 4 us nothing will--they may have read a letter do not know -- probably have resorted to GOSSIP in our case---WHATEVER WORKS...HAVE A PERFECT DAY everyone !!!!
Hi! I am a newbie as well, and what you are asking now was one of my first questions when I started posting here. I got a lot of really good advice from other posters, and I feel a lot less pressed to make a decision as to my standing with the JWs now.
One point that many of the board members shared with me was that disassociation is a creation of the WTBTS. Just like disfellowship-ment, it is just another way for JWs to label those who have dissented. If you really feel in your heart that you have unquestionably changed paths and never want to go back, let your actions speak for themselves. If you do not attend meetings or participate in any of their activities, they will get the message loud and clear that you are no longer interested in being a JW. Unfortunately, no matter how you leave…whether it be inactivity, diassociation, or disfellowship-ment…they are going to look down on you and treat you with the same contempt. So don't worry about labeling yourself for their convenience. Go on and life your life the way you've always wanted to but were never able to…AND if you need any help doing that, I'm sure everyone here would be happy to ease you through the process!
I just stopped going. End of report.
When they came by for the shepherding calls, I accused them of being morally incompetent to sit in judgement of me because they allowed a guy named C.B. to continue in their presence as an elder. And C.B. was skinning the sheep. I told them not to come back until they had cleaned up their moral act. By the time they had done that (they removed C.B. as an elder) I was gone.
C.B. changed congregations to another one where he had lots of buddies, so he was made an elder again within months. He just COULDN'T LIVE without being empowered to stick his fuckin' nose into other people's business and find fault with EVERYone. Fuck him, and them.
Francois
lv4fer,
Sunflower makes a good point, but in my case I felt compelled to let the congregation know that my disassociation was NOT something I was ashamed of, but rather, that I freely chose.
So I
a) wrote a brief letter to the elders (and delivered it their homes)
b) had the requisite "but WHY?" meetings with the elders
c) informed several close 'friends' (who no longer ARE... [8>])
d) asked the PO to inform me when the disassociation would be announced
e) attended the TMS and service meetings on that date smiling (and shaking, to be honest) and sitting down FRONT
f) after sitting through the ENTIRE service meeting (they didn't announce my DA during announcements), heard the announcement and walked up the center aisle with a radiant glow on my face, a spring in my step, and feeling the joy of POUNDS of oppression taken off my shoulders
Some might like to try that method as the opposite to the one Sunflower proposed.
Or, you could write a letter to the Society and copy your local BOE, and never step foot in a Kingdom Hall again. (The middle ground?)
All depends on how much power you want the organization to have over your exit, which should be a personal decision.
Best wishes,
outnfree
It's what you learn after you know it all that counts -- John Wooden
There is no way they are going to Df me, if I go it will be on my terms!
If you DA yourself it's still on their terms. The only way it can be on your terms is if you just change lanes and go about life as you wish.
But I understand how you feel. I mean it's upsetting to be under their control and you just want to yell I QUIT and make it all go away.
If you haven't any family left in the borg, then as far as I'm concerned DAing is the way to go though. Sort of a finality to it.
Never Squat With Yer Spurs On
When I stopped going, nobody called or visited until a JW friend asked the elders to visit, and it was only when the C.O. came that they visited. There were no more visits until 3 years later when I wised up to the WTS's bullshit and sent a DA letter. Two days later, I got another visit. "DA letter?" they said. "What DA letter?" Yeah, right.
So, in hindsight, I guess the elders in the hall I went to let people drift away without giving it much thought, which can be good if you don't want to go back, or bad if you're having problems and need help. In which case the elders probably aren't the best form of therapy.
TR
UADNA-WA
Unseen Apostate Directorate of North America- Washington Division
OutNFree,
Your experience with DA sounds absolutely glorious! I've dreamt of acting out that exact scenario…I just don't know how I'd handle such a situation in reality. Being a JW has been such a trying experience for me that I think stepping foot in a Kingdom Hall would bring me to tears. I never want any of the brothers or sisters to see me in that condition again (especially not over something they provoked). Whenever I do see them, I am at least on neutral ground (anywhere outside of a KH) where they have no more control than I do. I know that probably sounds silly, but that is just what works for me. Considering I have been completely inactive for over a year now, returning just to DA myself seems a little too emotionally costly and not worth the worry. What is important is that I have spiritually disassociated myself from the religion, and feel a growing sense of freedom and confidence everyday.
However, I definitely applaud you on handling your departure with such composure and class. It seems like you have gained a sense of closure and calm that is absolutely priceless to people in our situation. Perhaps one day I will DA myself and close the door once and for all, but for now I am just focusing on being myself…unrestrained.
Hi Sally,
I had been a loyal defender and whole-souled sheep for almost 30 years, and then (got a computer-LOL) began to discover all the LIES and deception I had dedicated (and ruined) my LIFE to following. I was stunned at first, but got REALLY IRISH ANGRY very quickly.....I wanted OUT, ASAP!!!!! I no longer wanted to be KNOWN as a JW, or have any part of living as one any more. It was a strong matter of principles (MINE) and I was done.
A few ladies on an online support group said to not be hasty, to play it cool, lay low, cuz SO MUCH in the way of relationships was at stake, etc........but for ME, I could just NOT walk into the Kingdom Hall and not explode, knowing what I did....it was impossible to "play cool" and be true to myself.
I've had many, many low moments....lost "friends" of 30 years, and many family members. It hasn't been easy, but looking back (Oct 1999 I wrote MY "DA" letter) I couldn't have done it any other way.......just like quitting smoking before I got baptized---it HAD to be cold turkey---or pulling off a bandaid---as QUICKLY as possible!
I DID email every JW I knew-----that DA letter, including the nasty little secrets (at that time----MUCH more "stuff' NOW-LOL!) that I had uncovered......and the lack of love I had felt in the prior six months, etc........just so it would be "on the record" with enough people who would know WHY I was defecting. I also sent one to Brooklyn, wishing I had a way to make a loud "raspberry" sound when they opened it!
Announcing sweet lil ole ME as having "conduct unbecoming a Christian" (I'm a grandmother fer Pete's sake and had never been reproved or anything ) made my jaw clench, so I figured I'd set'em all straight AND get out of the Org on MY terms! I KNEW I couldn't stay quiet with what I'd found out and would have been DFed eventually!
My suggestion to you, now, if you've REALLY made up your mind to leave, is to email AND snail-mail your "DA letter" to as many as you can think of, stating your personal reasons for doing this, etc. There will still be speculation and gossip, but at least YOU will have written YOUR "truth", and there IS satisfaction in that.
Take care, know there are SO many in your corner right now who totally understand all the implications you're facing, and keep yer chin up!
Hugs,
Annie
Shredded families and ruined lives;
The WBTS has MUCH to answer for......
Hugs,
Sunspot
