anger triggers...

by zanex 10 Replies latest jw friends

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  zanex

  ok so here it is. This last week some of my mother's family (my gma, gpa, uncle etc) got in contact with me. They are all non borg and have been ANTI borg for as long as I can remember but for years I treated them like shit because I was "trained to" but NOW when I talk to them and hear that they are just normal people with normal lives and I feel very guilty for the way I once treated them. They dont hold me responsible for any of those actions and always tell me that I am family no matter what. At that point they started tellin me about my cousinz bday parties and the holidays of the past and i felt a surge of anger/hostility towards my parents. I shudnt hold them responsible because they are just as brianwashed as I was but that anger still comes up...this make sense to anyone? I am tryin to NOT get mad at those random things but damn....

  -Z-
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  LDH

  (((((((((((Zanex))))))))))))

  The irrational bouts of uncontrollable crying will come next.NORMAL.

  Did you get my email? Lunch next week?

  Lisa
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  Mulan

  We were all victims of victims. Don't blame them.........they really believed it was right. My parents did the same thing, and my mother is still very involved, at age 90. I can't be angry at her, but my brother is very bitter, about all the lost opportunities in our lives. He blames Mom for getting us into this religion, and Dad for letting her do it. Dad went along but says he never believed it, and his life kind of proves that too. He was df'd three times,,,,maybe four.

  Marilyn (aka Mulan)
  "No one can take advantage of you, without your permission." Ann Landers
  
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  Billygoat

  Sometimes I get angry too. Mostly for the lost opportunities. I wish I had a normal childhood, with sports and cheerleading at school. I wish I could have had slumber parties and boyfriends. I wish I could have had parents capable of showing true unconditional love.

  But I left at 19. I've had many opportunities since then that I've been able to take on. I still get a lot of opportunities today. I can blame my parents for what happened in my childhood, but I can NOT blame them for things that happened AFTER I left. If I miss an opportunity today, it's my own fault. Not theirs. They have no control over my life anymore.

  So today at the age of 30, I play in a softball league and am a secret Britney Spears fan. It all caters to the 13 year old in me that never got to experience life. Yeah, sometimes I get teased by my friends for listening to Britney and other teeny-bop performers, but I don't care. I'm going to experience NOW what I didn't experience THEN. I make no apologies for it either!

  Andi
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  zanex

  lisa: check yer email...yer ahead of the game

  mulan: yah I try not to blame them but since i became a father myself I have some serious doubts as to their definition of "whats best for my kids" but we dont see much of each other so no biggie there. Its a good thing that we live 2 states away from each other.

  billygoat: I have led a helluva wild life since the night of my df'ing it is just the absence of those opportunities that I could have become closer to my extended family that I get angry about. I take advantage of EVERY day that I have now and have been for a long time but still those triggers continue to get a reaction out of me. Its great fuel that anger but I'm sure it isnt very healthy. whatever dont kill me makes me a crazier person I guess LOL.

  -Z-
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  144thousand_and_one

  Zanex,

  I can totally relate to your feelings of anger. Although I was born and raised a JW, I never liked it, and stopped attending meetings at age 14.

  23 years later, I realize that my parents (who are still JWs) were only doing what they thought was right. The organization did a good job of deceiving them and encouraging them to strip us of all the joys of childhood and exploit us like childhood slaves rendering marketing services (i.e. "going out in field service") for the benefit of a corporation. I no longer harbor any resentment towards my parents.

  I harnessed that negative energy you're feeling to achieve personal and professional success. I still feel angry, now and then, but the best revenge is to live good and enjoy life.
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  invisible

  Zanex - Thankyou for bringing this up. Celtic here by the way, you may call me whatever, my real name is Mark.

  I was extraordinarily angry as a young man. Suffered from multiple personality disorder for years when you would slide into different personas ranging from extremely warm and loving on the one hand and an extreme demonic rage at the other extremity, there were 15 in total and it would take about 45 minutes to complete the scale. At 14 I was smashing, headbutting concrete walls to try to block out the pain I was in. I also had sciatica for many years, similar to explosions going off in your head close to the top of the central nervous system, 5 times a day on average, the pain was absolutely agony almost indescribable.

  Cont'd due to prob with pc on thread below
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  invisible

  Also I had very regular crampings throughout my entire body as muscles spasmed uncontrollably, in the jaw, in the neck, in the stomach, legs you name it, my fingers still get it occassionally, usually when I'm writing.

  The physical ailments I believe now might have been linked to the manefestations of what I was being taught on the so called spiritual level. I was convinced as my mother was fond of saying that I was demon possessed. God was obviously punishing me, hated me, didn't want me, so I tried often just to be the sunny good natured boy that I knew I was really, on the inside. But for good I got hit and for bad I got hit harder, in the end I became that confused because I did not know who ME was anymore.
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  invisible

  How can Jehovah's Witness kids relate to this kind of constant public humiliation? constantly, week in, week out, til life becomes an absolute living hell misery.

  Then there was that booklet, Unseen Spirits, Do They Help Us Or Do They Harm Us? At 12 I was so freaked by this study material I was having regular night and daymares, my mother even stopped me from attending the meetings, imagine the confusion weeks later on being returned to the meetings, this material still being published in essence by the same guys.

  I say it is absolutely criminal the way that JW kids are forced to grow up without a choice, without a sense of positive self worth, without real praise, with so many beatings and constant humiliation. What do they think they are playing at?

  I could rant on all night, but over the years have learn't much more about peaceful relations, on connection to the inner soul, of facing ones demons and telling them to f off.

  After I left, I spent the first summer of '95 in a bit of a daze and then rapidly downed as many drug cocktails as possible and in effect danced the anger right out of my system. Yes I know, I'm one of those absolutely crazy contorting dancers that can easily do 14 hours at a stretch, hahhahaha.

  Now, I work voluntarily with a well respected UK think tank in issues relating to Social Exclusion, kind of strange life really, when I look back.

  Would still love to connect fully by positive pro-active doing my life's goal, I'm narrowing it down, conflict resolution appeals as well as the design of alternative community spaces and designing sculptured acoustic water gardens.

  Keep enjoying life!!

  You keep your chin up and write if ever you need to.

  [email protected]

  Celtic
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  ozziepost

  Anger is a very negative, even harmful emotion which it's best to try and avoid. Okay, we all know that. We also know that the Bible tells us to flee from anger.

  This is what it's always been with Mrs Ozzie. No hate, even to those who've hurt her terribly. Until yesterday.

  For the first time ever in her long-ish life she uttered the words "I hate the Watch Tower Society". What caused this turnaround? What changed the temperament of a lady whose capacity for love is renowned?

  It was the elders twisting the mind of her daughter and instructing her to write to Mrs Ozzie with the words "You've cut yourself off from me". The most hurtful words imaginable for a loving mother to receive from her daughter.

  Oh, the wickedness of the borg! And all in "Jehovah's name". May God forgive them.

  Cheers,
  Ozzie

  "If our hopes for peace are placed in the hands of imperfect people, they are bound to evaporate."

  
  - Ron Hutchcraft Surviving the Storms of Stress