Why I am upset with myself for my atheistic beliefs

by confusedandalone 35 Replies latest jw experiences

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  losingit

  Thanks for your thoughts, c&a. There's a lot in there for me to.think about. I am also 36, and alot of those same questions are directed to.me as well.

  I am not a born-in. I was a convert, trying to.find my footing again in the world. Honestly, I think I've always maintained some type of connection to the world, at least in secret. Very few times would i venture out, with permission from my husband . The frustration from being in a cage caused me to make major mistakes, and our marriage suffered. Im much better ina relationship when i can decide to be me every moment rather than when i am coerced . Isnt it always that way?

  Now freedom leaves me with the same questions to answer. unfortunately i do not have the means to pursue them. Im an artist, i can feel the creativity wanting to burst out-- but where? How? I love to dance! I am a dancer-- where, how can i refine this skill? I'm a painter-- where, how can i refne that skill? I don't know where to begin.
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  losingit

  I believe my gifts are an ntegral part of my spirituality. For example, I LOVE being a teacher. In the classroom, with the kids, making connections all day, guiding them through their journey. I am grateful that i am able to contribute to the world as a teacher.

  Idon't know if I could ever be an atheist, even comprehend going down that path of reasoning. Now that you are comfortable with them, thats good for you. To each his own.

  IInteresting, i remember that post where you uploaded pics of the Florida scenery after you got stuck without gas. Funny, that experience reaffirmed your belief in NO GOD, whereas for me reading that post and seeing those pictures proved to me his existenc.
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  tornapart

  Even as a full in Jdub, I could never understand how going to all the meetings, put lots of hours in the FS, answering up, preparing for meetings etc etc... somehow equated with being spiritual. It really is totally meaningless. Although I did all those things, it left me completely cold.

  To me spirituality is sitting in a beautiful place outdoors and feeling at one with the surrounding nature (whether a believer in God or not), soaking up it's beauty, listening to birds sing and feeling your emotions soar. Having a great meal and being surrounded by all your family and just having fun and enjoying each other's company and feeling the love. Listening to an amazing piece of music and letting it capture your soul. Every human on this planet has a measure of spirituality. It just cannot be defined by religious rules!
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  snare&racket

  I say dont be an atheist unless you do so for reasons of evidence and logic and happiness. GO search out truth, see what you find.

  I mean the above sentence with all sincerity, but having done the above myself, to a reasonable degree (for me) I ended up where you have started...atheism.

  I see it like this....lA teacher could ask a ridiculously hard math question and a kid could shout '32' out loud immediately, the other kids solve the question and get the answer 32. The kids who worked for it feel like they earned the correct answer, the kid who shouted s number on instinct, even a guess...,probably had no satisfaction and no sense of achievement, no learning experience and no respect from his teacher.....but still..... The answer was 32.

  snare x
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  confusedandalone

  "I say dont be an atheist unless you do so for reasons of evidence and logic and happiness. GO search out truth, see what you find.

  I mean the above sentence with all sincerity, but having done the above myself, to a reasonable degree (for me) I ended up where you have started...atheism."

  S&R in my case there is very little searching left for me to do. During my final 3 years in I was just so fed up with the thought of owing everything in my life to a magical guy in the sky. I hated opening the bible because it was just so obvious it was packed full of non-sense. From the state of the things around me I hjust can't imagine there is anyone out there controlling things when so much is screwed up and even if h=it was they obviously are not interested so I can't waste my time tryinbg to find someone that no one has heard from ever in history.

  All holy book turn my brain to poo as I read them... science is captivating and provides answers to things it can and those it can't it keeps searching. My searching for GOD is over. My searching for reality continues :)
• 

  rawe

  Hi confusedandalone,

  I haven't read all the posts on this thread, so hopefully this isn't a repeat. In many ways, how we engaged the faith as Witnesses reflected who we are. Not all of course, not by a long shot, since so much of it is forced. Like you I'm an atheist, but I did learn to enjoy aspects of Bible reading. The history, the philosophy, view points of the authors from the awful to the wonderful. I enjoyed getting into this and analyzing. I also enjoyed the fellowship at the Kingdom Hall.

  So... after leaving the faith in 2007, I actually continued our "family study", which by that point was reading two pages of the Bible about 3 times a week. The only adjustment I made was adding an additional book I knew my children would enjoy. Right now we're on the third book of the Harry Potter series. And recently, I have started to attend services at the Unitarian Universalist Church, since they accept atheists.

  But... my wife really did not like any of this aspects of the religion. She doesn't feel the same needs as me and would just as happy to never read another page of the Bible or have anything to do with religion. However, she loves Christmas, the decorating, etc, which to me isn't as important.

  Nonetheless, there is a big difference between how we act now compared to how we did in the faith. Now, we are open to explore how we truly feel about things and act accordingly. As I sometimes quip, as an atheist, I do whatever I want, it just so happens, I "want" to do things, that most folks agree are pretty good, like love my wife and children, be a good worker and citizen, etc.

  Cheers,

  -Randy