Tell us a little about yourself and your family.
My mother joined the frenzy when the end of the world was coming in 1975. Her sister-in-law was first recruited and got her in. When the end didn’t come, Mom was disfellowshipped shortly afterward, but she went back a few years later. I did not care to go with her. Still, it was the only religion I was exposed/subjected to, so when I made a mess of my life as a young adult, my mom sent some JW’s around and I wound up turning to Jehovah for help.
Were you a born in or a convert?
I was converted in my early 20’s.
Are your parents / family JWs?
My mother is currently an active JW, my father was always opposed and the end of the world by 1975 had a lot to do with my parents divorcing. My wife is an active JW as is much of her family.
How many generations have been JWs?
So I am second generation with no third generation JW’s- you know, the end was so near that we didn’t want to raise kids in “this system.”
Did you hold any position in the WTS? (MS, Elder etc...)
I was an elder for close to 12 years when I figured out that it ain’t “the truth.”
Did you *really* believe in the bible, in spirits (angels, demons)?
Very much so for quite a while. I believed that Jehovah intervened in my life to save me from a suicide attempt and led me back to Jehovah’s Witnesses. I never really believed that a Smurf came alive in a Kingdom Hall, but otherwise accepted that “things” could be demonized.
Did you get baptised? When and why?
I was baptized in the summer of 1988 because I wanted to serve Jehovah as that was the real purpose in life.
What was the initial trigger that made you start questioning things?
The initial trigger was 1995’s change in the definition of “this generation.”
Where did you find information? Internet sites? Books?
For years, I only read some information from scholars and clergy (avoiding anything by former JW’s) at the library. In 2005, I finally asked myself why I wouldn’t just simply google “Jehovah’s Witnesses.” So I did, I followed wherever it took me. The most helpful information came from freeminds.org and jwfacts.com.
How difficult or painful was the process of leaving?
It didn’t go so bad for me. I had to fade out quickly because I had never dealt with the suicide attempt years back. Why bother dealing with a deep-seated problem when the end is so near and Jehovah had my back? Discovering the truth about “the truth” led to some personal anguish and I sought professional help.
Was it a big dramatic exit or a careful quiet fade?
I faded quickly. I resigned as an elder in August and ceased all meetings by the following April.
Did you convince anyone else to leave with you?
No. My wife and mother are still JW.
How were your family relations affected by your decision?
Mom says she doesn’t want me to be disfellowshipped. Otherwise, she pretends all is fine. My wife cares deeply for me and is conflicted that I am not the evil person they would tell her I am.
Were you or are you still being shunned by those who didn't leave?
I am not shunned by family, nor officially by JW friends or acquaintances. However, the congregation pretty much avoids me like the plague. I appreciate that they stay away. It makes it easier for me to be myself. One time, the C.O. was out in a car group in my wife’s car and forgot an important electronic device on the backseat. My wife went out of town and I had her call him to come get it back. He was too scared to come to me and sent his wife so she could grab and run.
How long have you now been out?
I faded completely in the spring of 2006. I am still considered “inactive.”
Was there anything you looked forward to doing when you left?
Getting back “birthdays.” Before being a JW, I had joined the military. We had a saying whenever we had some tough assignment that took away our time off- “What are they going to do, take away our birthdays?” That meant no matter what we had to do, we still had that. But then I joined a dangerous mind-control cult and voluntarily let them take away my birthday. Oh, the irony of that. Now I have it back.
What are you most proud of achieving since you left?
I got the counseling I needed and dealt with my demons from my past.
Is there anything you miss about life in the congregation?
I had a best friend who was disfellowshipped for awhile. I was there for him, but he was not there for me when I faded. I miss him.
Red pill or blue pill? Do you regret waking up to reality at all?
Not at all. I am so glad I am not wasting my life denying reality, sitting at endless meetings and conventions and knocking on doors to “count time.”
Did you become an atheist or transfer your faith elsewhere?
After examining the religion of Jehovah’s Witnesses, I continued researching the Bible as the primary source of Witness beliefs. (Well, that’s up for debate.) I saw the flaws there. I looked into eastern thoughts and other beliefs, but also saw what science had to say. Science won. I hate labels like “atheist” but I definitely know that the God of the Bible is not there.
How do you now feel about religion in general?
Religion holds back humanity. It diverts huge resources from doing real good, and gives a token amount back to humanitarian efforts, and then tells us that you aren’t moral and won’t do good without religion forcing it upon you.
Do you feel any guilt celebrating xmas or birthdays or doing any other JW "no-no"s?
Despite not being Christian anymore, I love sharing gifts in late December with non-JW family and friends that have chosen the Christian holiday as the time to do that. Birthdays are totally awesome, making one person the focus of the day. Plus, doing something Watchtower says not to do makes it better.
Have you attended any face-to-face meetups of ex-JWs?
I have met with tons and tons of ex-JW’s at local meetups and have traveled by airplane to attend larger gatherings of ex-JW’s.
Describe your circle of friends - mostly other ex-JWs or regular people?
I have awesome coworkers, but my closest friends are all ex-JW’s. They already “get it” when you talk about your past and it is so easy to relate to each other for that reason.
Do you tell people about your JW past?
I describe it straightforward without trying to soften it. I let them know I was in a dangerous mind-control cult. I describe the goofy things they do if people want to know about avoiding holidays or door-to-door recruiting or anything.
Do you feel animosity or pity toward current JWs?
I feel no animosity toward current JW’s. Pity, though? Very much so. Those poor deluded people being misguided by that evil publishing company. I turned all the animosity toward the organization. The people are mostly good people.
How do you respond to witnesses when they call at your door?
As a fader, I cannot stir the pot at my front door. The Spanish JW’s ring the bell and I just say “No thanks.” (They don’t know I am inactive, but they could report a raving apostate at this address and it could get back to the congregation I attended.) I have confronted JW’s on the street, but usually just enough to try to plant a seed of doubt in their minds.
Storm the barricades or tend to the wounded? (do you favor activism or support)
I don’t think that activism really works. It might be good for the ex-JW, but I think the JW sees it as the persecution that Watchtower “prophesied” about, so it can strengthen their resolve. I prefer learning about ways to reach through to loved ones by reminding them of family love and support that is available from non-JW’s and ex-JW’s, showing them unconditional love. I believe in the huge and necessary support system of aiding fellow former JW’s.
But everyone “in” deserves to know the real truth. If there is a way to reach someone, it should be pursued, so one never knows if some direct approaches are helping one or more individuals. The best protest sign I ever saw said “Your kids would rather be playing.” That might have made some think.
What do you think is the most effective approach to reaching people still in?
I believe we need to give love to former members. Send them photos and cards and remind them of wonderful times that had nothing to do with the religion. Offer to be there for them no matter what. Be genuine. Reach them by making them think for themselves while trying not to trigger them to go into cult mode.
Do you think the WTS can or should be destroyed, will continue on as-is or grow / change?
Watchtower needs to go away. It is shrinking in its effectiveness and losing the young ones, but it will die a very very slow death that might take more than one lifetime. Lawsuits from victims of sexual abuse by members can speed it up- they are all about money and survival. But I imagine a more thrifty, smaller Watchtower will survive even the lawsuits.
How has your life been impacted by your JW past?
I went into a depression over my unfaced issues and the wasted time in the JW’s and still have bitterness that they have my wife, mother, in-law family as captives.
Are there things in your life you blame the WTS for?
Yes, as mentioned- I had demons to face and was sidetracked for two decades before doing that. Their Armageddon-any-moment-now claims helped me make bad decisions concerning my future, including dental care and career choices.
JW upbringing - a protection or a curse?
I was exposed to a JW upbringing as a child. Even though I didn’t stick with it until I was an adult, I can definitely see the problem with restricting children from a normal upbringing with holidays and sports and all. Try to imagine the child who is terrified of his own desire for a cupcake at school because it’s a “birthday” treat from some “worldly” schoolmate.
How do you fill your time now it's not filled with meetings and field service?
I enjoy relaxing. I read a lot- what I choose instead of what they said was necessary for study. I get out more to walk/bike/enjoy the day.
Do you still have an interest in JW beliefs and doctrines?
I made a 2011 New Year’s Resolution to stop reading JW materials. I have pretty much stuck with that. I keep up with the new light a bit just because I have loved ones still in. Otherwise, I really don’t care to keep up with the celestial chariot.
How much of your time is still spent on JW related matters?
I do spend a good deal of time on the ex-JW forum, but less and less as time goes on. Otherwise, I have absolutely nothing to do with JW’s in any way. My wife goes off to her meetings and assemblies and says virtually nothing about them to me.
What do you think of the ex-JW community?
The community is so necessary for me. I love my ex-JW friends. They are such a comfort.
Do you see yourself still being associated with the ex-JW community in 5 or 10 years time?
Certainly, if my wife is still a JW. Even if she is not, I will keep up with friends, maybe not so much with what’s new in the Watchtower.
Do you fear the future?
No, not at all.
What advice would you give to anyone starting the journey of leaving the WTS?
Think your exit strategy out carefully, but make goals and make progress. Don’t think you have to keep going to meetings for years for someone else’s sake. If you have kids, get them out of there as fast as you can and let them enjoy childhood and proper education planning. Read Ray Franz’ CRISIS OF CONSCIENCE and Steve Hassan’s COMBATTING CULT MIND CONTROL, and maybe some other books of your choosing that will help.
What would you change in your life if you could go back and talk to yourself?
I would help myself to avoid the Watchtower altogether and I would convince myself to save money early and get an education.
Do you have any regrets about life since you left?
Some people like phrases like “No regrets.” I am not that way. I say that I have become content with my regrets, I have corrected my path the best I could. I recognize that life detoured into the dangerous mind-control cult was better than death. I regret taking too long to do something once I realized there were problem in Watchtower, but I am content that I finally did get out. I regret not figuring a way for my wife to get out, but it may happen one day.
Can we read your life-story anywhere? (links to online or books)
I wrote my story for personal therapy, then changed it slightly to be anonymous and made it available for others that it may help. It has absolutely no doctrine in it. It has received positive feedback from people I know, but I do need more Amazon reviews posted if you buy it. The price is as low as low can get without being free.
Want to share your own story? Please use the Interview with an Apostate: Template and post it in the Personal Experiences & Reunions section with the title "Interview with an Apostate: [your name or alias]"