Not feel alone, TMS. Many, if not all, of us ignored many warning signs for some time. That is, until they, or another sign, smacked us right dab between the eyes.
To be honest, I had some small doubts when I was baptized, but wrote them off as my insecurity and many years of being taught the JWs were basically rotten. The very first assembly I attended was when they handed out the Proclaimers book, of course, only to elders and others of long standing. How, I asked myself, was that dessiminating spiritual food? Still, I stuck it out.
Pretty much the final straw, for me, was shortly after I was remarried, to a dub woman with 3 small kids. It's not uncommon for step families to have trouble adjusting and we had our share. I was approached by an elder one Sunday after meeting as he wished to express his concern over how I was treating the kids because they no longer ran around and played on the stage and inside the Kingdum Hell anymore. To say I was shocked at that is an understatement. I looked at him in bewilderment as I stated that I thought the Watchtower said it was improper to allow ones children to remain in the hall to play after meetings. He agreed and I thought that was the end of that.
A few months later, since I was getting nowhere trying to communicate with the kids or get them to comminucate, I again turned to another elder and asked if he would have a talk with the kids and see if he could get them to open up and give me some feedback so I kew what was in their minds and could adjust the household accordingly. During their meeting, I stayed outside so as to give the kids full freedom to open up, the step-son, 9 at the time, took over the meeting, as I was later told. What things he whispered in the elders ears, I will never know as the elder refused to tell me and I ended up getting an ass chewing outside the kingdum hell for about 50 minutes, being accused of being militaristic, over bearing, cruel, you name it. When I mentioned that the boy had a problem in his personal integrity, as attested to by his school teachers, I was told, by the same elder, that I was a liar.
After that, even when I went inactive over this, everytime I would turn to an elder or discuss anything from the family, all this "confidential" stuff was always brought up to me. In plain English, they handed the headship of the house over to a 9 year old boy and left me with all the bills.
I went inactive, as stated above, but the crap didn't stop, even having gone so far as to have two elders first visit to my house appear as a set up to DF me. The same kid had a small mark about half the size of my thumb, on his shoulder and the elders took him and actually took pictures of this mark. The very next day, he tried to involve CPS in it, but the case worker sent him back to class as the mark had disappeared. This didn't stop the elders. They called and set up a meeting for the next Saturday to dicuss my "abusing" the kids. I was laready tried and convicted. The only thing stopping an immediate DFing was for them have actual "evidence." That is what the Saturday meeting was for.
The first thing they did was to wait almost 10 minutes until I got into the room to turn to the wife and ask her, in my presence, mind you, if it were okay to open with a prayer. They deliberately set out to provoke a confrontation with me. And, I obliged. The entire meeting was accusation after accusation until I had had enough and kicked them out, very verbily. he next week, I received the certified letter informing me of the Judicial Hearing as I was "prone to wrath."
I got out the bound volumes and elders manual and listed three pages of why, according to their own literature, they were acting improprly and refused to attend their little meeting. The matter was dropped util a few months later when the rumor mill got started again by my own sister-in-law.
With that, I wrote a letter of Disassociation, once again including quotes from the elders manual, NWT, Watchttower, you name it. I even included a copy of a letter from CPS stating they found no abuse in the home and copies of current Washington State law. The only thing they paid attention to was the line where I said I could no longer allow myself to identified as a JW. It was announced immediately!
Inadvertently, I forgot to sign the letter. The again sent me a cetified letter requsting the signature. Since they had already announced it, I figured why bother? Two weeks later, two elders, ioncluding the one I studied with and who hadn't stopped to see me in over 5 years, came by asking for the signature, saying the letter wasn't legal without it. When I countered with, "it was legal enough to already announce publicly," they said, "the Faithful and Discreet slave requires your signature on the letter." Since they woke me up from a nap, I was feeling ornery and countered, "if he really wants it, have him come and get it!" With that, they stomped, literally, out the door and I haven't seen hide nor hair of them since.
So, to me, they are the most unloving group of people I have ever met. Jesus said you would kow the true disciples of Christ by their love and brother, it ain't the dubs.
If God's Spirit is filling a Kingdom Hall, how is it that Satan can manuever the ones within that Kingdom Hall at the same time?
