Tell us a little about yourself and your family.
I grew up on a small island south of England. My parents moved there from mainland UK and left their families behind. As noone else in the family is a JW and lived in different countries I don't know any of them that well. I have an older half-brother from my Dad's side before my Dad became a JW, about 14 years older than me. I did not know he existed for most of my life and have only met him 3 times. I have a slightly older full brother and younger sister.
I moved to London last year for work. Then left 'the truth' like a real life David from the prodigal!
Were you a born in or a convert?
Born in. My parents were baptised a few months before I was born.
Are your parents / family JWs?
Just my immediate family. My older full brother is service overseer in a foreign language congregation and star of the family and my younger sister is still a JW but about as liberal as they come. Both my parents are JWs.
It was my Dad that really brought them in, my Mum just followed. I blame American fundamentalism for the conversion, when my Dad travelled he lived in Israel for a short time with an American who convinced him Jimmy Carter was the antichrist. When he got back to the UK and Jimmy was clearly not fulfilling any prophecy he sought answers which were not forthcoming from British Christians who don't tend to focus on the apocalypse. Except for the JWs. My Dad must have been the only person who responded to a JW visit by asking him who the king of the North was.
How many generations have been JWs?
2.
Did you hold any position in the WTS? (MS, Elder etc...)
I was an MS. I explained this to a nonJW a few weeks ago who thought it hilarious I used to have the job title 'servant'
Did you *really* believe in the bible, in spirits (angels, demons)?
Yes.
Did you get baptised? When and why?
In 2004 at 17. It was part obligation but it also felt like the right thing to do.
What was the initial trigger that made you start questioning things?
The dishonesty and hypocrisy. Not initially of other JWs, mainly of myself. I was keenly aware that I was not living up to the standards and was just pretending for the sake of acceptance. When I figured out that I wasn't alone in pretending I wondered why Jehovah's organisation required so much dishonesty to work, and I started to question talks and later even the slave.
Where did you find information? Internet sites? Books?
Firstly just reading the NT in a non-Nwt translation and feeling that I was loved and accepted far beyond what the Society taught me. This gave me the courage to get on the Net.
How difficult or painful was the process of leaving?
Through most of my life I imagined I would not make it through Armageddon, so freeing myself of this terror and guilt was a massive relief. But being threatened with shunning by family and dropped one by one from friends who claimed to love me was horrendous.
Was it a big dramatic exit or a careful quiet fade?
A quick and careless fade. In hindsight I have no idea how I avoided disfellowshipping.
Did you convince anyone else to leave with you?
In 2000 hours of preaching I never convinced anyone to join the JWs, and have not convinced anyone to leave. Apparently persuasion is not my strong point.
How were your family relations affected by your decision?
No issues with my sister. Strained with the rest but getting slowly better.
Were you or are you still being shunned by those who didn't leave?
Not df'ed but practically shunned by everyone not in my family except for one friend who thinks it's nonsense but the best way to live. I am known as an apostate so have been marked as 'spiritually toxic' (an actual phrase I heard about me last month)
How long have you now been out?
My last meeting was June 23rd 2013.
Was there anything you looked forward to doing when you left?
More not doing things, not going to meetings or ministry!
What are you most proud of achieving since you left?
Not going back! Actually I think getting the courage to investigate my beliefs and leave it behind for the unknown is my greatest achievement in life.
Is there anything you miss about life in the congregation?
The easy social acceptance, my friends, and talking to my parents without the tinge of unspoken disappointment.
Red pill or blue pill? Do you regret waking up to reality at all?
No. Even as a non believing JW I felt better than as a believing one.
Did you become an atheist or transfer your faith elsewhere?
I believe Jesus lives and getting to know him has been the most beautiful part and greatest adventure of my life.
How do you now feel about religion in general?
Religion is at its best when it builds a community of people who accept and embrace each other's weaknesses and pulls together to work for justice. It's at its worst when it tells you that the community will purge you of your problems and forces you to pretend this is so for social acceptance even when it's not. (or worse still, creates new problems)
Not all religious communities are abusive any more than all marriages. But I don't think it's wise for anyone to depend on one community for all their relationships, religious or otherwise.
Do you feel any guilt celebrating xmas or birthdays or doing any other JW "no-no"s?
It doesn't feel sinful but I worry about hurting my parents feelings further, probably more than I should.
Have you attended any face-to-face meetups of ex-JWs?
Not yet, but it's on my bucket list.
Describe your circle of friends - mostly other ex-JWs or regular people?
I don't have many but they're all regular people.
Do you tell people about your JW past?
Occasionally, not often.
Do you feel animosity or pity toward current JWs?
I think most JWs struggle with shame and guilt which is completely unnecessary and I feel bad for them.
How do you respond to witnesses when they call at your door?
I ignore them and refuse to answer. I'm moving into a new territory soon where no JWs will know me so might talk to them then if they call.
Storm the barricades or tend to the wounded? (do you favor activism or support)
Support, which I see as a form of activism. All of history's greatest social movement's successes have been a result of demonstrating a better way. 'beauty will save the world' as Fyodor Dostoevsky said.
What do you think is the most effective approach to reaching people still in?
Love love love.
Do you think the WTS can or should be destroyed, will continue on as-is or grow / change?
I think it will continue to grow for a few more decades and then face a quick collapse as the average age grows higher and there'll be less elders to keep control, but I don't think it will die out.
How has your life been impacted by your JW past?
Growing up a JW in a small island community created it's own unique challenges I think. As we only had each other we were forced together in spite of our differences and often went after the same girls and each other's sisters. There was a lot of drama and a lot of fall outs, though it did settle down once we reached our early 20s, we matured and those not paired off could afford to go fishing abroad.
I suffer from strong social anxiety, I don't think the Society is entirely to blame for this but I think growing up JW mostly limited to the island exacerbated it by allowing me to generally remain in my comfort zone, and because I very rarely had to meet socially with people I didn't grow up with. It used to be nearly crippling at times but has improved significantly in the last year, though still an issue.
I did well in English classes at school and wish I could have pursued writing and university, but there's no guarantee this would have worked out.
Are there things in your life you blame the WTS for?
They are clearly to blame for me losing my friends, and straining my family relationships.
If I'd known the end wasn't coming I might have worked harder in my career and would not struggle for money so much.
However, I've heard bad stories about my father pre-JWism so can't say for sure everything would have been great without it. Though surely I would have had more friends!
JW upbringing - a protection or a curse?
It can't be healthy to promise people they will never die!
How do you fill your time now it's not filled with meetings and field service?
Lots of reading. Books are my new best friends and they never shun you.
Do you still have an interest in JW beliefs and doctrines?
Yes, but not as much as I would have expected.
How much of your time is still spent on JW related matters?
Not much outside this board now.
What do you think of the ex-JW community?
I think ExJWs are some of the bravest people I've ever known. And so many people who would be willing to instantly forgive and help people who have shunned them is incredible.
I consider it a privilege to be a part of.
Do you see yourself still being associated with the ex-JW community in 5 or 10 years time?
I don't know, but I would not be ashamed of this if I am.
Do you fear the future?
I live in terror of dying alone and try not to spend too much time thinking about it. I prefer to set small goals for myself and live a day at a time.
What advice would you give to anyone starting the journey of leaving the WTS?
Join an exJW forum and seek advice from somebody much wiser than me!
What would you change in your life if you could go back and talk to yourself?
I like to think I could go back to when I was 16 and convince myself to avoid baptism and go to University, but I can't imagine I would have ever had the courage to break away from my parents and find the financial backing at that time. Perhaps I would just encourage myself to read more, write more and keep in better touch with nonJW school and work friends. And not to feel so damn guilty all the time.
Do you have any regrets about life since you left?
In low periods I regret leaving but most of the time no regrets, I needed to at least try to see if I could cope without the Watchtower Society and at least so far I'm quite proud of how far I've come.
Can we read your life-story anywhere? (links to online or books)
A little bit here: http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/255051/1/We-are-all-scallywags-but-God-loves-us-anyway-My-story