I know this is one HUGE rant, but I want to put my own questions and doubts in writing.
I am a fading JW who has become Agnostic... I still believe in "God" and "Jesus," but I simply cannot explain to people why I believe in them. I just do.
About the existence of God: It is an infinite regress. "All things were created by someone"... well... who created God? If there IS a God, how do I know that this person is benevolent/wise?
Why do I still believe in God?
I think it has to do with the fact that I still pray, and believe that I DO get answers to my prayers. But it leads me to think, what if I felt that my prayers were not being answered? What about the billions of humans on this Earth who suffer, who need to work 6 days, 12 hours per day, to be able to have enough money to buy the Starbucks coffee I just drank? WHY??? WHAT MAKES ME SO DAMN F!CKING SPECIAL, WHY DON'T YOU CARE ABOUT THOSE PEOPLE!??!?! If there IS a God who is helping ME but not billions of other people, then that is one EXTREMELY PARTIAL God... what if His "blessing" turns into "displeasure"? Therefore, I cannot believe in God just based on perceived prayers answered. There must be some sort of PROOF to Him.
I don't believe that the Bible is the Word of God, it can't be. If God is omnipotent and all-wise, I would EXPECT Him to do a PERFECT book and protect it PERFECTLY. No contradictions, not even seeming contradictions. No different versions (Septuagint VS. Masoretic), no losing the originals and relying on imperfect copies to know what the book said... no failed prophecies, no nothing... no errors. Infallible should mean exactly that... no mistakes at all... The EVIDENCE is that the Bible's text was NOT protected at all... I don't know at what point it became a book used to control people, but it did.
About Evolution: I am a Chemical Engineer, with officially tested IQ's over 130, so I DO understand complicated things. BRING IT ON... I am open-minded and will accept things if they can be proven beyond reasonable doubt.
It seems logical to me to separate Evolution and Abiogenesis, as they are two different topics altogether. A lot of churches and faiths have gone completely on the "we accept Evolution, but not Abiogenesis" bandwagon. "Evolution," the way I understand it, is just changes and changes and changes until one species becomes another species...
Abiogenesis deals with the origin of life. I enjoyed reading the article on Wikipedia on it. Very easy introduction to the topic. I knew from school that Pasteur had killed the "spontaneous generation" theory. Sneaky JW's and their Creation books/articles only mentioned this side of things. It makes sense now with the current scientific knowledge that life does not generate spontaneously. No spontaneous generation means that life came from previous life.... therefore a Creator... simple enough... but it makes an infinite regress... again, being a JW, it was an easy answer for me: God is from forever, no beginning nor end. Now I know that this is black-and-white thinking. A little thinking outside the JW box, a little bit of Googling, and the scientific explanation makes sense for me: different time, different atmosphere... just the perfect situation AT THAT MOMENT for the generation of self-replicating molecules, or whatever the precursor of life was. There are a lot of holes in the theories, but just like physics, or any branch of science, investigation will yield something, eventually. CERN, for example, may yield incredible breakthroughs in Physics. Perhaps one day we'll have a "theory of everything". Perhaps one day those holes to the origin of life theories may be closed. But there is sufficient evidence for the POSSIBILITY of abiogenesis. Much better, in my humble opinion, than believing in a God who had no beginning, to close the infinite regress.
Evolution sounds logical. Adaptation has already been proven over and over. However, I see holes in the theory, and I haven't had time to investigate or I have not seen a clear answer to them:
1. If evolution says that only the best survive, and we humble humans, self-named Homo Sapiens Sapiens, are the most intelligent species on this planet, why aren't we the ONLY species? My understanding right now is that the survival of the fittest refers to the survival within the species itself. I.E. monkeys that are affected by a disease and survive it may pass their genes to the next generation of monkeys, and maybe they will be immune to that disease and have an even better chance of survival, than the monkeys who weren't strong to survive it.
2. What's next, after humans?
3. Has actual evolution, i.e. the changes accumulating sufficiently to make ANOTHER species, been observed? If so, where? I would think that the smaller the species/the faster time to reproduce, the better chances to actually observe this.
Thanks for reading my really long rant...
Thanks and have a good night!
ILTTATT