My fears of leaving. May or may not be hypothetical

by DS211 14 Replies latest jw friends

  • DS211
    DS211

    Ok suppose a man met an inactive JW woman. Started dating, had a child. And throughout his and her relationship there were many ups and downs, drug issues on the womans part , too much drinking on his, she cheats then they find out they are pregnant and move intogether. Things go well but they want to raise their child responsibly. So JWs come by and it all seems like divine intervention at work. So they study, and they believe what they hear. They then begin to toss out bad books and movies. They encourage the couple not to wait but to get married to please Jehovah and become publishers. Reluctantly they marry at the courthouse with a small group if family and friends. But the father is in college and Mom works at night then wants to go out often to bars. She meets a guy and has a fling on the side after theyve been married only 8 months. The husband finds out and somehow forgives her. They both decide its time to dedicate their lives to become better. Mom stops smoking, dad finishes school and starts to work, they get baptised.

    the Husband/father then learns TTATT. Knows its all false. But hes afraid because he doesnt want his wife to go back to the way she was, which he knows he cannot bear for her to cheat again. Hes terrified that would destroy his childrens lives as he trew up in a similar way. What does a man do?

    so what would you do if the husband was you?

  • DS211
    DS211

    Not inactive but unbaptised woman*

  • OnTheWayOut
    OnTheWayOut

    In your hypothetical, you assume the only reason she doesn't cheat is because she is in the cult that tells her she can live forever if she lives by a set of imposed morals.

    This is just me, but if the imposed morals come with the JW imposed lifestyle, I would rather take my chances that my wife has finally come to realize there are other reasons to remain faithful. If leaving the lies of Watchtower allows her to go back to a former set of values, then she was never really mine to begin with.

    Before losing her, I would offer to go to couples therapy. But ultimately, living in a lie to avoid pain is a whole bag of depression and other pains. Some people feel similarly about fading and some people feel they cannot stay with JW "active" spouses because they can't deal with that. So really, there are no totally wrong answers in varied decisions on this matter. Each person must decide how much to gamble or lose or walk away from for their own reasons.

  • nonjwspouse
    nonjwspouse

    Only you know what is best for you. Don't comprimise you own integrity. If you know ttatt then do what you need to for your own integrity. You have no control over her beliefs. She will continue on, or not. You place acceptable behavior boundries on your relationship, and yourself. Make them clear but in a loving way.

    Continue loving her and showing her your own change of belief does not cause you to love her less.

    Find a good theraist to share with. To help you. Talking about it is always a very helpful thing. Find a therapist that is good for you. You maty have to go to more than one to do that.

    I hope all works out ok with you.

  • ABibleStudent
    ABibleStudent

    Hi DS211, Find a good marriage/cult-exit couselor or a good lawyer. Until someone's emotional baggage is resolved, a person will not change. Marriage/cult-exit counseling will either help the wife resolve her personal baggage or help the husband to realize that he is better off without his wife and should seek to exit the marriage as quickly and painlessly as possible.

    Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

    Robert

  • wasblind
    wasblind

    " They encourage the couple not to wait but to get married to please Jehovah "______DS211

    I really have no answer for your question

    however it makes me wonder

    .

    .

    Why would it please an all knowing God to unite a train wreck of a marriage ?

    .

    .

    I ask this not to criticize others. But As I look back on the marriage of my own parents

    in which my father was very abusive to my own mom

    .

    .

    ANYWAY BTTT

    .

    .

  • adamah
    adamah

    DS211 said-

    They both decide its time to dedicate their lives to become better.

    And that's what the husband is doing now: he's figured out that "the truth" isn't the truth. Granted, it was useful step to the couple at that point in their lives, but people can quickly outgrow it.

    The couple needs to remember that commitment they made to improving their lives, and look at the JWs as only a step in the process in their lives, and not the end destination.

    As said, it's the same excuse people use for justify the positive power of religion to bamboozle them, and even becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy when pastors and priests tell them how empty their lives will be without God(s) in their lives. I'd say people need to have more faith in their own capabilities; the couple got that far, so why stop now?

    Adam

  • DS211
    DS211

    Well, wasblind, JWs feel that jehovah can be their glue that holds them together. I have found through watching others that it could be a volatike situation. Why god would allow that is beyond me...especially when its his org right?

    To be honest this is just a fear i believe that WT instilled in me. I hear wife say all the time "i could never split up kids the way such and such has" or "i cant imagine how i would survive without you". But with WT perspective of going back to who you were i believe a sort of phobia developed.

    i think also i look at all angles in too much depth. Sorry how poorly this was postd lol im at work.

  • DS211
    DS211

    Adamah good point.

  • wasblind
    wasblind

    " I think also I look at all angles in too much depth. Sorry this was poorly posted " _____DS11

    I think you did a fine job in your OP DS11

    and when it come to concerns about your family nothin' is too much

    .

    .

    Even though I still consider myself a believer. Sometimes, I still have to ask why

    things that please God wind up hurtin' at times. And realize it can be attributted to choices we make

    and we want to believe we are doin' the right thing to please God

    even through the pain

    .

    .

    That unfortunately was the case of my parents

    .

    .

    Unlike you and your Wife, I can't even remember a time

    when my parents would be in agreement on anything. Even when it came to the benefit for our family

    I hope everything works out for you and your family

    And I hope you find a way to continue in the same direction that benefits your family as a couple

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