I got my money back (page 2)

smiddy

Who can fathom the mind of an active jehovahs witness ?

smiddy

Faithful Witness

I contacted Amazon, and it was confirmed that the packages were delivered, but refused by recipient. I decided to send an email to my sister:

"Hi (Sister),

I sent packages to (nephew) and (niece), and received confirmation that they were delivered on 12/18.

Yesterday, I was informed that those packages were returned as undeliverable. Did I send to the wrong address? I sent another package to your family, with some treats. Did you receive that one, or did your neighbors eat it? I'm confused. I have been struggling with this concern for (niece and nephew), always left out of every family occasion. I thought it would be nicer to give this year, than to exclude them again. I shopped carefully, looking for gifts that were neutral but fun and useful. I really do love you and your family, and want you to know that we care a lot about your kids and their happiness. If you will accept them, I will send the gifts again. I hope you will consider sending me a reply to this email, either way. Sending our love to you all, Faithful Witness" Quite honestly, I do not expect a reply. I may follow up with a phone call. I know she is out in service right now. Thank you all for your replies. I know I'm making a fool of myself, but I agree with Xanthippe. I am done being controlled by the JW's.

ruderedhead

You're not making a fool of yourself, Faithful, you are simply looking for answers from your sister. Accepting one package and refusing another is a little confusing for the sender. Your email was simply conveying that, without being mean or rude. You sent your love. Now perhaps it is time to let it go for this year if she doesn't respond.

Next year perhaps you can send the packages the day after Christmas, so the children still receive something, like normal kids, but I think they might accept them if it's AFTER the holiday. Worth a try for the kid's sake. Keep being the good hearted person you obviously are. You are setting a great example not only for your own children, but hers as well. And for others who are aware of this situation. All the best to you.

whatif

I agree with ruderedhead about sending the gifts AFTER the holiday but even going further and sending any gifts another month so as not to be viewed as Christmas gifts. If your niece/nephew were of the Jewish/Hindu/Muslim faith would you be sending them Christmas gifts? You want your family to respect your wishes of no longer wanting to be a JW so why not show that you respect their wishes to not celebrate the holidays? Why not show you're above their shunning you and show you want acceptance, tolerance and love. Unless your goal was just to piss your sister off since she's not talking to you and you decided to shove Christmas in their face??

You wrote, "I've wrestled with this idea since we started celebrating Christmas with my kids 3 years ago....." I don't understand why you need to wrestle with it. They don't do Christmas just like you didn't 3 yrs ago. If it's really about the kids and your love and generosity then surely you can send them gifts at another time.

Faithful Witness

Whatif: Thanks for using your first post to reply to my worries. I appreciate your insight. Maybe I can explain better some of the history behind this brazen act of sending a (gasp) gift in the mail while the kids were off school on their 2 week winter vacation. I sent cards last summer, which my sister admitted to opening and reading.

We have spoken about 2 times in the last year, the 2nd time being one where I thought we actually made a connection.

I was never a JW. We abstained from Christmas for 3 years while studying with them, and quit the whole affair when we discovered what they really were. Our family used to have a big Christmas, and my niece and nephew were the center of a few huge birthday parties in the past. They are old enough to remember the fun Christmas parties, and my sister was the one who loved gift-giving most of all (5 daughters, 1 is now JW, along with my parents).

I have been tiptoeing around their rules and fears for a few years now, trying to please my parents and sister by working around their beliefs. We created a whole new idea, just so the JW's and the non-JW's could be together as a big family once a year. Our "homemade trade" ended 2 years ago, when my sister decided it was no longer ok to even come to my house, the only location that geographically worked for everyone.

I was never a JW, so have never agreed to live by these absurd rules. I have gone beyond being accomodating and patient through this ridiculous and unfair treatment my family gets, simply because we refused to jump in the pool and submit to that organization.

The JW's have infiltrated and divided our family, like has happened to so many others here on this forum. My mere existence and generosity have been insulted and rejected for no good reason. I'm not shoving anything in anyone's face.

Just a little side note. Last year, my sister and parents were offended when they were NOT invited to the Christmas party at my other sister's house. We, of course, did not invite them because we didn't want to rub it in their face that we were celebrating a holiday they used to love, but that they now hate. So which is it? Give an invitation or a gift, so you can be rejected? Or have them cry and complain when you don't include them? This year, I decided to err on the side of giving. My bad. I don't regret it. I am adult, and I take rejection well, even though it does hurt.

Last year, they felt left out. She sure has me guessing and jumping through hoops!

I hope the kids understand that we all want them included.

Faithful Witness

I also did check with my mom, before sending the calendar and the building set. I asked if she thought my sister would give them to the kids, and she said she didn't know why not. I didn't know what the reaction would be, but since last year was a disaster when we didn't include them, I didn't mean to hurt anyone by trying.

Faithful Witness

When I was in high school, all the students exchanged Christmas cards around the school. I gave them to my Jewish friends, and they gave me Happy Holidays cards. Now, my husband works in the technology field. Many of his coworkers are Hindu. We did actually send a small gift home for his friend's little boy. We used snowman wrapping paper, and the gift was accepted gladly by his mother. Holiday sweets and goodies were gladly accepted by his coworkers of every belief.

The JW's are not just some other religion. They have a whole different set of shifting rules.

problemaddict

The fact that you are being delt with like this even though you were never baptized is astonishing. it shows you how far their rehtoric has shifted to one side, in order for people to make the slow removal of family justified in their minds.

whatif

I also think it's astonishing that your sister is treating you this way. I apologize for my comments as I didn't have the whole background. It's hard to have the whole picture without hearing both sides and having the background history. For what it's worth, we have a fairly large family with quite a few religions in the mix, a few atheists and a few agnostics. None of us, including JW's and all the rest have let religion divide us. If anything, the JW's in my family go above and beyond to make sure non JW family is always included and assured of their love. They take the initiative to have family parties as they do not go to the Christmas and birthday events. And the family bond has not changed at all. I could never stop talking or speak just twice a year to my sister because of changing religions.

It's very strange that your sister and parents were offended for not being included in last year's Christmas event...don't really know what to say to that. Without knowing anything more to the whole story and just going by your comments, I think the problem is your sister and has nothing to do with the JW's. Some people that study and become JW's can become quite fanatic if that is their personality. They then have less to do with their non-JW family leaving the family to feel that the JW's are tearing their family apart. JW's are encouraged to show extra love to non-JW family. The problem is your sister not the JW's. I really feel sorry about that and hope you will be able to get back to having the sister or parent relationship you used to have with them in spite of differing beliefs.

Faithful Witness

Thank you, but I don't see that happening for us. It is sad to see my once thinking and aware sister, being controlled this way. Yes, part of it is her fanatical husband, but she called me herself about 18 months ago and explained how she has to protect her children from us.

I have now received a reply from my email to her. I'm not sure what to do next, but I will not agree to these terms. I will continue being kind when I see her or any in her family. If they want to act like jerks toward me, so be it. I will not stop being kind, or loving my family.

Whatif: I'm glad to hear your story is happier than mine. You don't realize how lucky you are.

Here are the words of my sister, who has known me her whole life. She knows my nature, and the peacemaker in me is not going to let this be the end of the story... I just see that this is going to be a very very long road. I hope she does not take my mother with her, even further into this mind game she is insisting on playing.

"While I appreciate the thought, please do not send us gifts.

Our kids are not missing out on anything other than things we try to protect them from.

At this time, based on prior encounters and their affect on me emotionally, I think it would be best if we didn't communicate.

I hope you can understand my decision and the fact that it is not meant to offend anyone.

Sent from my Kyocera Hydro"

I thought things were getting better, when she sat and spoke with me this past September. I'm not sure if that was one of the "encounters" she is referring to... Not really sure which ones she means, except the one where she called me and told me that she was not hiding behind her husband.

2 quick observations from this little note that speaks VOLUMES:

1. She has a smart phone now! 2. She did not answer me about whether she received the food gift. Did they eat it? How about the restaurant gift card I sent over the summer break? Did they use that?

I most certainly do NOT understand that decision. I need some clarification.

I got my money back

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