After 44 years I finally found and spoke to my old prison buddy!

by Terry 39 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Terry
    Terry

    I have had very few mentors in my life. I love each of them dearly.
    One such was a man a bit older than me named Tollie Padget.

    Tollie was the rarest of rare birds. At the time I was sent to Federal Prison as a conscientious objector (Jehovah's Witness) Tollie was the only intellectual I ever met or knew. His mind was a thousand volts of crackling electricity. I learned from Tollie what it means to live a life of the mind. He tackled knowledge the way a starving wolf eats meat. Ideas were, for him, beautiful puzzles. Tollie dismantled and reassembled Science, Physics, and yes, religious concepts. We were both Gung-Ho madmen in our devotion to the superhero deity best known in the old testament: JEHOVAH GOD. We served at His pleasure--or so we believed.
    I absorbed so many useful tools from my friend Tollie I learned to emerge from my shyness and inversion socially. He was exuberant, ebullient and filled with bonhomie.
    All of that was 44 years ago!

    I had been tipped off where I could reach him (El Paso, Texas) and I telephoned him and left a message.
    I've carried Tollie with me throughout my life. I've always spoken of him to others.

    I wrote about him in my book, I Wept by the Rivers of Babylon. He saw to it that I got some measure of protection and justice when I was sexually attacked in prison. At the time I was writing about him I tried to reach him through Facebook by sending a "friend request" which was granted--but--no correspondence ever took place. No response at all.

    I have inquired time and again through the years and only yesterday did I get an out of the blue e-mail from somebody who lived in El Paso and knew him. They believed he had left the organizaion and that was incredibly good new to me.

    As I said, I was tipped off anonymously. The story was Tollie had dropped out of Jehovah's Witnesses and was no longer active. On this basis I called. Had he still been the 100 per cent rah-rah JW he use to be--I'd never have done it.

    Finally. . .I spoke to him on the telephone. . .after all this time.
    I called because I thought he was emotionally able to reach out and talk about it.
    We did talk and reminisced and laughed and it was as though no time at all had passed. . .

    We spoke about an hour before getting around to how we dealt with 1975. To my surprise and dawning horror, Tollie began

    making excuses for the Society. Ohhhhh noooooo. . .

    I suddenly had a dawning awareness he was still AN ACTIVE Jehovah's Witness--which meant--he did not YET know he was talking to a "mentally diseased" ex-JW whom he must shun.
    I got sick to my stomach realizing this!

    What would he think? I had ambushed him and tricked him into having a conversation with an APOSTATE?
    I made an excuse to get off the phone and I asked him for his e-mail adddress. I wanted to write him and let him know what was going on. Otherwise, he could be disfellowshipped for talking to me knowingly. Not too far fetched--at least he might think so.

    I struggled with writing the e-mail and what I should say. I divided the letter into two parts. The tell him my status part and--if he was still curious--another part about how I had written my book and mentioned him and how I tried to keep it as accurate and non-hysterical as possible.

    I also sent him a PDF of my book--knowing full well he cannot and probably will not read it.
    And today. . .I awoke and thought about what might have been.

    He had said we needed to get together real soon and it sounded wonderful. He doesn't live that far away. In fact, for many years he was living in Granbury, Texas about a half hour's drive from Fort Worth where I live!

    But--none of that will happen now. He's lost to me forever. I don't even have the dream to hope for.

    Another piece of my life stolen, courtesy of the Watch Tower Bible and tract Society.

    I'm sad. I hope not morose.

  • designs
    designs

    Sad indeed.

  • PaintedToeNail
    PaintedToeNail

    Terry, I'm sorry you were misled about your friend and mentor. You are right, yet another piece of your life stolen.

  • stillin
    stillin

    He probably just couldn't walk away from the status that came with his jail time, among JWs.

    You chose the truth, Terry. Maybe there's still a way to keep your friend. Otherwise, isn't the Society winning and controlling?

  • Terry
    Terry

    Tollie had immediately gone to Gilead after being parolled from prison.

    He and his wife graduated and ended up on the bottom of the world down near Tierra del Fuego.

    They stayed 2 years until Tollie developed bleeding ulcers and had to return to the States for medical attention.

    When they were ready to go back, a coup had taken place and no outsiders were allowed in.

    Tollie told me how he had constantly been counseled for being "too spiritually-minded" by overseers, Elders, District guys and Gilead instructors.

    Stop and savor that one a moment!

    His Congregation's presiding Elder came up to him after a Watch Tower study and said, "Brother Tollie, could you not raise your hand so many times with a comment please--you may stumble the other weaker brothers who don't study as much as you do."

    Extraordinary--eh?

    We discussed how flabbergasting it was to be let out of prison where we had conducted 8 meetings per week only to end up in a Kingdom Hall where

    EVERY JW was in slow-motion and more or less lazy about everything!

    We were preparing for the Great Tribulation and Armageddon's coming in 1975, yet in the local Kingdom Halls it was more or less business as usual.

    We felt like we were Special Forces units for the Time of the End. Instead of using us--the local congregations found us to be a bad example of overzealous show-offiness.

    How ironic, isn't it? If you really do more than they ask of you they like it even less than when you don't live up to the average semi-participation in activities.

    We could have had a great reunion--Tollie and me.

    But--it just ain't uh gonna happen.

  • Bruja-del-Sol
    Bruja-del-Sol

    So sad... But on the other hand, have you tried him? You don't know, you just assume that he would shun you when he knows you're not longer a JW... Sometimes people do surprise us with actions we never had expected. Don't cut him off yourself, out of fear of being rejected! Prepare yourself, emotionally, but take your chances... who knows what will happen if you give it a shot???

    Or am I being overly naive thinking this way?

    Anyhow, here's a virtual hug for you...

  • crmsicl
    crmsicl

    This to shall pass Terry.

  • FatFreek 2005
    FatFreek 2005

    What a sad testament to the society's dictatorship and hold it has over people. Of the some 70,000 victims who annually make their way out of its clutches it seems that more often than not they are still feeling guilt from having left their perception of so-called truth.
    You and I and many on this forum have come to the conclusion that truth does not necessarily set one free. More it seems it's the unfettered realization of all that man-made dogma that we were spoon fed.

    Thanks to modern computer technology we now realize that watchtower teachings are rich with contradictions. google the online essay entitled The Great Watchtower Contradiction.

    Len

  • NewYork44M
    NewYork44M

    What you describe is why I never reach out to those I knew in my past life. Too painful. I am sorry to hear.

  • Iown Mylife
    Iown Mylife

    Thank you for posting, Terry. To me, it's better knowing how things turned out for people, if it's possible to know. So sad you had to spend time in jail.

    Re the counsel about commenting too much: The couple who studied with my husband and me were born ins and the wife's father was an elder, very active, moved to where the need was greater and raised his kids here in the South. She was zealous and always had her hand up. She told me it's the conductor's job to decide who will answer and everyone is supposed to be ready to answer. She said she puts her hand up on every question and then the conductor can call on her if he needs to.

    I thought she was doing the right thing, like everyone was supposed to do if they could do it. But LOTS of people criticized her for that, and said she was a show off, instead of trying to do more themselves they wanted her to do less.

    marina

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