Depression, Medication, and Other Grey Areas

by startingover13 19 Replies latest jw experiences

  • startingover13
    startingover13

    One thing that I have noticed in my dealings with a lot of women in the congregation are deep, intense feelings of insecurity and worthlessness. I use the term "worthlessness" very loosely because it can apply to many different situations, in the congregation, in the home, personally, etc. Over the years, and especially over the past 6 years, I've met sisters from all walks of life. One common theme is the fact that many are either depressed, neurotic, or feel that they don't deserve better than an insecure 20-something brother who is only good inside the KH. I've heard horror stories of horrible husbands who don't take into account their wife's well-being. I've ever heard a sister tell me about her ex husband and how she saw her sex life as nothing more than a wifely duty. Sad!!

    As I began my fade, I began to talk about less than kosher topics with some of these women. Many were on medication (anything that ends with -pam is for mood swings, anti depression, etc). It was shocking to hear about the addictions to valum and other medications. Now, to be fair, Jehovah's Witnesses have normal body chemistry like all other human beings. Depression and other conditions are to be expected. But there was another trend that went hand in hand with this; the feeling of being internally flawed. "My (ex) husband/boyfriend corrected me because I wasn't submissive." And of course, the congregation gossip didn't help either. It was just shocking to me to learn that many of the friends, in my experience sisters, are fragile and insecure on the inside. Couple this with the constant measuring up to other families and the pressure to be all you can be (Army reference HA!), many people just can't take it. And seeking professional help is seen as putting trust in nobles.

    Growing up in the truth, I would have never thought that many of the friends dealt with these issues. What's more, some JW husbands are cold, calculating, "spiritual" men. I've grown to realize that JW's face mental issues as much as any other people, if not more due to the high stress environment. I hope to get married soon. I feel that this knowledge will help me to at least take care of me and mine, and be a listening ear to those around me. More than anything to support my family emotionally and reassure them that their worth can not be measured in magazines placed, hours recorded in service, or any other worldy standard. Love God with all of you heart, and do your best to imitate His son. Nada mas, nada menos. Thanks for reading.

  • jeff spreng
    jeff spreng

    I am very sorry to hear this. What do you think we should do. I think these men sound the same as the world. Sometimes I think that possessive poeple become JW because it allows them to get away with things that they would otherwise not.

  • startingover13
    startingover13

    Yes. And the sad thing is they often used the Bible to support their abuse.

  • Apognophos
    Apognophos

    It's very true, the religion positively preys on women with low self-esteem. I can think of one sister who was pretty, and fairly smart and likeable, who after many years as a nunpioneer, married a brother that made everyone think, "She married him?" She could have rated the most handsome brothers in the area.

    In talking with her in the past, I found from hints she dropped that she seemed to have a feeling of low self-worth, possibly due to abandonment or abuse by her dad, but I wasn't about to try to delve into the subject of her childhood.

    Apparently, in some cases the sister is planning on their husband becoming more attractive in the new system (this was a shocking fact that I learned from reading this forum). But I also think there's a bit of an "I don't deserve better" feeling behind it as well, and that makes me sad.

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    Funny, my JW hubby is the stay-at-home partner in our pair, and he has been on anti-depressants for years. Lo and behold, remove the antidepressants and he doesn't want to go to meetings any more.

    There's precious little reward feedback in the society, is there? It's always do more, do more.

  • Band on the Run
    Band on the Run

    I identify with feelings of worthlessness from the Witnesses. My father picked up woman hating from Rutherford and other bright lights. He could not relate to any woman. I don't want to reference all the descriptions of women. Not one bore any resemblance to reality. Meekeness and submissivness are prized qualities among JW women. Some of the women assert the male headship stronger than any man would. How many of today's religions would write a story about Selma and Steve. Steve was physically abusive to Selma. Rather than being counseled to leave him or even state that such conduct is adultery, Selma is told to be of good cheer. She takes her beatings with humility. Steve converts to the Witnesses. The WT does not state whether Steve stopped beating Selma upon conversion.

    Another strand I see in the Witnesses is the strange belief that men are asexual and women tempt them. The world has another take on the matter. One that is more in line with hormones. Until Nathan Knorr was married, marriage was viewed for the weak. My parents were ostracized by their local KH for getting married.

    I sat as my mother and aunts pretended that they were idiots to let my father and uncles shine. The reality is they were brighter than their spouses.

    Worthlessness is true. I never felt that I ever did enough to survive the big A. Apostate thoughts went through my head at an early age. My aunt, however, revealed that she felt the same way. If she did not make it, no human could make it.

  • clarity
    clarity

    jeff spreng ...welcome, I see it is your first post!

    Looking forward to reading your story.

    *

    Knowledge is power ...

    that is why jw org says

    "no independant thinking" "do not trust your heart",

    "read our watchtower" ...that is why they give you all

    the answers & ......all the questions!

    They do not want you to see the real truth!

    clarity

  • rebel8
  • rebel8
    rebel8

    startingover13, perhaps there are some comments you can make to these ladies to plant some seeds of awakening.

    Of course they are turning the bad feelings inward. The wts tells them to. Even though they've toned down the misogyny in recent years, the cult has a legacy of disdain for women, and it has carried on to today's generation.

    Perhaps reply, "Yes, submission can be really hard sometimes. I try to meditate on how jehovah feels about women, being the weaker vessel, not being capable of taking the lead or teaching in the congregation [and so on--lay it on thick--keep drumming the point home with the wts' own words]...

    "...I think about an article I read in our magazines once and it just deeply affected me. [discuss the infamous "women are like cows in heat and are to blame for all fornication" article]...

    "Why, did you know, the Society said women might even become men in the New System! I often wonder what that would be like and if I'd have a difficult time adjusting to being a man. But the idea of being an equal surely does sound like a relief sometimes."

  • LongHairGal
    LongHairGal

    STARTINGOVER13:

    Thank you for spelling out how incredibly sick this religion is and how wise I was to get out and too bad I didn't do it sooner. Yeah, happiest people my ass!

    I imagine the damage to born-in women would be worse. I came in as a young adult and I saw how they just wanted to strip away your self-esteem. I refused to persecute MYself because these idiots hate women. I just wasn't having any of this. I was swimming against the tide the whole time I was there. I'm glad I didn't fit in.

    I cringe when I think of how damaged I could have been if I totally bought this bullshit.

    My sanity and freedom are not things to be taken for granted.

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