How would you handle a situation where your grandkids are being used by their father to manipulate their grandmother into going to the meeings? Grandkids sending text messages to grandmothers phone asking if she will come to their meeting. Grandmother is no longer attending meetings and doesn't wants to she know ttatt. Any ideas??
please need some advice!
by insearchoftruth4 13 Replies latest watchtower bible
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ruderedhead
Could Grandma stomach going to a meeting once every 6-8 weeks to keep contact with the kids? Perhaps she could drop some subtle, innocent seeds of doubt here and there when the kids are old enough to do some thinking. Dad is obviously a manplulative man and you don't want to be cut off from the grandkids, which could be where he takes it next. This is such garbage!
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nugget
I am so sorry this is happening. Emotional manipulation is unsurprising and common and this is a nasty example.
As a grandmother it is natural to want to spend time with grandchildren and their father knows that this request will have greater impact then one from an adult.
How often outside meeting times are the grandchildren able to spend time with their grandparents or is it only at the meetings? Are visits conditional on keeping up the appearance of meeting attendance?
It is hard to know what to advise without a little more information. If this tactic is being used to coerce then there is also the implied threat that failure to attend will result in withdrawal of affection.
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yadda yadda 2
Just tell your grandkids how much you love them but that you are having a wee break from the meetings for a little while and will be back "soon." Just keep saying that and eventually they will ease up. Then invite them around for lunch or dinner and carry on as normal being a caring and fun grandmom.
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LostGeneration
Does daddy dearest keep the kids away on purpose outside of the hall?
If not, I would just reply "Grandma isn't feeling well today, maybe you can come visit me afterwards to see how I'm doing"
If he keeping them away at all other times, she is going to have to call him out on that behavior for what it is - emotional blackmail.
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KateWild
I agree with all the ones that said text them back and arrange to see them another time. If dad is refusing any contact unless Grandma attends meetings this is worse another strategy may be needed.
Kate xx
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insearchoftruth4
Ruderhead, thanks so much for your advice. Unfortunately going once every 6-8wks will open a can of worms that grandmother doesn't want to open. Son in law in cahoots with grandmothers elders in her cong. Grandmother is down to supervised visits that are far and few between because she is not going to meetings.
nugget thank you! visits with grandmother has been reduced to supervised visits down to once every couple months for maybe an hour. son in law suspicous of apostate thinking but his suspicions are not being confirmed. So he is digging for info through the grandchildren.
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KateWild
Oh dear it sounds like a very precarious situation and delicate too. He sounds very controlling, just how the WT like JWs to be. This is emotional blackmail, I would go back to the meetings and back doing FS if it meant unsupervised contact with grandkids again.
Gma has to choose between freedom from the BOrg or contact with kids, sadly that's the ultimatum in a controlling religion.
Take care Love Kate xx
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ABibleStudent
Hi insearchoftruth4, Grandmother tells kid's father to stop using his children to manipulate Grandmother and sends text messages back to grandchildren asking them if they want to meet her at Disneyland, a waterpark, or some other recreational activity that would cause/cost father a lot of money. Grandmother should be fun loving and show grandchildren unconditional love.
Grandmother should also talk to daughter about how to identify manipulative and abusive relationships.
Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,
Robert
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nugget
The problem is that grandma is already seen as bad association. A few visitis to the kingdom hall will not resolve this as once the JWs radar has you then nothing short of zealous worship will be enough for them. Random visits will also mean that elders will feel they have the right to pry into what you think. Son in law sounds like a control freak.
I would use supervised visits to reassure the grandchildren of unconditional love, that you would like to see more of them outside the meetings since in a more social setting you can really talk to them and find out what is happening in their lives. Keep away from the subject of religion and if the children ask why you haven't gone to the meetings then as has been suggested use illness as a cover. But say how much seeing them has given you a real lift and that you have really benefitted from seeing them.