Advice on children (page 2)

Frazzled UBM

I think it woudl be very wise of you to get some legal advice. Whatever arrangements you accept now could easily become formalized and you will find you have lost ground to wind it back. Being diplomatic is fine but get advice and come up with a strategy to limit your kids' exposure to the WBTS indoctrination. Better safe than sorry. I will bump my thread on UK custody law re JWs. There is a case you could refer to as a precedent for getting your wife to agree to limit the time your kids spend being subjected to WBTS brainwashing.

DesirousOfChange

We are not at the stage that i need an attorney, i think i can use my own influence.

Famous last words.

Doc

jgnat

So, in her scenario, the children would go to the meeting every Sunday.

Your first refusal, the children would go to the meeting every other Sunday.

Your compromise is that the children will skip one Sunday a month.

They are still going to get exposed. I suggest there are other things you can do to build your children's independence and resilience in the face of conflicting parenting and training.

http://psychcentral.com/lib/10-tips-for-raising-resilient-kids/00017272

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/98485.Teach_Your_Child_How_to_Think

eyeuse2badub

If they are "God fearing" (aka scared shitless of the Ocopope) they shouldn't have anything to do with you unless it's "nesessary" family business. Really, how necessary is it that you be their dad? O that's right, dads are pretty necessary! LOL---So just tell the ex that you have joined the local Pentacostal Church and you, as their "spiritual head", are taking them to the Pentacostal meetings every other Sunday. Let her put that in her peace pipe and smoke it. OMG! She will crap if she thinks that will happen but she may ease up on her stance also.

Just saying!

eyeuse2badub

4thgen

The only reason you should agree to take them to the meetings is if you plan to return yourself. Otherwise, you are teaching the children of the importance of meetings. Otherwise, you should make your stand clear right now and ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=de_P2aUZJyA&list=RDHqEIt-rQqbM

Best wishes,

4thgen

KateWild

I feel for your situation, when contact changes it can be a lot of unneeded drama. The kids are 5 and 7 what they really need is stability, consistency and loving parents. Sadly if the two of you could agree on religion you would still be married, negotiating what is best for them is traumatic and sucks up all your energy.

I am going through the same thing, you are not alone. We all have to support each other dealing with our ex's who are JWs in good standing many of whom lie to the courts, my ex does.

I hope things become stable and peaceful soon for you and the kids.

Kate xx

Band on the Run

If you can afford a lawyer, I would see one. It is obvious there is a battle between your ex and yourself concerning JW indoctrination. There would have to be exceptional circumstances to bar your wive's right to take them to hall. This should have been settled in a written agreement. My concern is that a lawyer in the field will have a good sense of what you can win. Negotiations require skill. Even if you negotiated as a livelohood every day, your children are involved. In my opinion, the emotional burden involved takes away skills you might otherwise have as a negotiator.

There are way to contain legal fees. You are too close to the matter to have good objectivity.

My other concern is the overall agreement you reached with your ex-wife. If it is deficient in this area, is there enough detail in other areas to avoid future legal disputes and legal costs.

Could you really enter a KH with your children as an apostate? How do you think your children will feel walking in with you? Nervous is my guess. Very uncomfortable is another. Family law is not my area of expertise. I have no young impressionable children. Merely passing a KH gives me physiological response of extreme anxiety. You are not a robot. Also, I don't know if a judge will let you impose only my ex-wife can take them to the KH approach. You may have no power to impose that condition.

Unless it is a minor matter, I don't know real life lawyers who don't go running to another lawyer b/c you are too involved to be effective. We are not Mr. Spock or Data.

braincleaned

I'm in EXACTLY the same situation. I have my kids every 2 weekends, no meeting on my time. Period.
It took a little time, but my ex got used to it. I'm not DFed, but I'm a strong apostate/atheist.

Do not get a lawyer for this! WRONG message to your kids.

KateWild

Do not get a lawyer for this! WRONG message to your kids.-braincleaned

I agree, if we could have reached out of court agreements it would have been better for the whole family. Kids, grandparents and parents alll need peace. It's solicitors and lawyers job to cause drama and stress. Thank you for your fresh perspective braincleaned.

Kate xx

Oubliette

Apostating: We don't have this arrangement written down.

Whether you get a lawyer or not, you should definitely have your "agreement" in writing!!!

Advice on children

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