I put in a da letter a couple of weeks ago but the elders have not opened the letter and wish to meet with me first. I've seen the stress this has caused me and my family as well as the alienation of me from the family spiritually. So the question is can I do more to get my kids out of this cult by staying a member going to meetings some times and planting seeds or get out and try to then get the kids out over time?
better to stay in or get out
by Crazyguy 14 Replies latest jw friends
-
-
Oubliette
How old are your kids?
-
The Searcher
Weird!! They haven't opened your letter yet? Whatever happens, the wolf-pack is going to give you some grief for doubting God's direct channel of communication on earth!!
Why not choose the option to fade from within - become an inactive publisher and very limited meeting attendance. That's part of my plan. Elders can't be bothered with people like that - too much trouble & a waste of time!
-
jgnat
A farmer looks at the sky, and considers; do I plant now or wait a few days? He doesn't know when the rain will fall. He could have a bumper crop or lose it all, and he has no way of knowing which way to go. I think farmers are the ultimate gamblers.
I think you are in a similar situation. You have no control over how it all shakes out.
DA or not? It could have an effect, it might have no effect at all.
Focus on ways you can best influence your children going forward. Influence wherever they may land. You're dad. You've got one-on-one time with them. Use that time. If it rains or not, nurture those kids.
As for the elders wanting to meet with you about your letter, why? Let them chase their tails.
-
Pistoff
My vote is not to DA or say anything that will get you DF'd.
Fade away, plant seeds of slight subversion.
I am in my 12th year of fading, has worked well for me.
-
man in black
You have submitted the letter, you are basically. Painted into a corner right now. The elders are probably just waiting to see your reaction to their request.
when i wrote my letter, i sent one to the kh, and another copy to bethel.
The local elders ignored my letter for over two months. But when the co came , the crap hit the fan. Suddenly ALL the elders were concerned and wanted to talk. I ignored them, and let my letter do the talking.
finally two weeks after the co visit they announced it.
so do what your heart says, just be ready to deal with any backlash.
BTW, how do they know what your letter says if they have not opened it yet,,,, do they know already ?
-
Magwitch
The best way to get your kids out is too shove this religion down their poor little throats. Strict, no fun and tons of pressure to work toward pioneering, bethel service, missonary service etc.
Actually every situation is so different. It all depends on your circumstances.
I simply walked out the door with my 2 children and they have NEVER looked back.
-
straightshooter
I agree with the comments about fading being a good option. It won't completely alienate you from your family and relatives. This way you can possibly gain a hearing ear in the family vs they turning you off if your are df or da because of being loyal to the GB.
-
troubled mind
Only you can answer that question . I think you have more wiggle room if you just fade instead of disassociate ,but it is your life do as you feel is right.
-
flipper
CRAZYGUY- There are a lot of variables to consider in answering your question. Are you married to an active JW who would cause you trouble if you dissassociated or became inactive ? Do you care ? Is your marriage good - or on the rocks with this JW wife ? Are your children minors ? Then, yes they need to be protected from the JW cult and informed- however how much opposition will you get from your JW wife in trying to inform your kids ? Once again - do you care ? Or is your marriage salvageable to just stay in and keep the eace for some years until your kids are teenagers. Problem with waiting TOO long to get your teenagers out by hesitating is your wife may have indoctrinated them so deeply by that time - it may be too late to influence their thinking from the inside anyway- I experienced that when my JW wife and I divorced and after the divorce between 1998 and when my daughters finally shunned me as young adults in 2003. They have shunned me ever since. So you have a lot to think about- it's not black and white, no easy answers. You have to think about YOUR mental health and how damaging it would be to fake it for years just to get your kids out- then it may not work anyway. Would it be worth it ? Or you can be honest and evel with your kids now while they are younger and let the chips fall where they may.Only time will tell where those chips are gonna fall. Kind of hw I see your situation. It's all up to you. Good luck to you. We will be ere for you no matter what, O.K. ? Peace out, Mr. Flipper