I think one way would be to tell your child that the main reason for no sports or any other activity is because they believe that the end is soon and any activity in this system is a waste of time and that we should all be just focused on the preaching work be damned with living. So then you would need to show your child all the times the JW's have said the world is about to end and then maybe you could ask your child do they want to piss away thier life for a religion that teaches such falsehoods???
Child intimidated into no sports activities- suggestions please
by 4thgen 28 Replies latest social family
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jgnat
Crazyguy, I'd reserve a conversation at that level to a teenager.
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ABibleStudent
Hi 4thgen, Have you asked your son what he wants to do? Considering he likes sports, you could also ask him what changed his mind about wanting to play sports after/during school? Tell your son that you love him unconditionally and will protect his rights to critically think for himself and to enjoy life to its fullest.
If you were a JW, also tell him that since you were a JW you want him to enjoy life to make up for how much you missed out living life and having fun as a JW.
Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,
Robert
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cofty
I'm a massive fan of sports. I have been coaching footaball (soccer) for about 18 years. I have seen so many examples of children growing in social skills and confidence through sport.
What age is he? Find a sport he is interested in and a good club that provides coaching and competition at his level. A good coach will care more about him and his long term develoment than about the score on Saturday. Once he makes a friend or 2 and finds out what a buzz it can be to master new skills he will be hooked.
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RunAsFastAsYouCan
i tell my kids almost daily, I'm your license to think, feel, dream, do, and say ANYTHING you want in this world. I'm you license. Think about, talk about, dream about, the things you want in this world. Don't think about the things you don't want. I will help you do anything you want in this world. If it is within my power. Go for it. Follow your heart. Don't be intimidated by the clownbags in the cult. Absolute contempt for everything cult is my mantra.
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KiddingMe
Just thinking, the fact that you have full custody gives you an advantage here. Unless there's some type of parenting agreement with regard to school activities, your ex is going to need to be more respectful of activities your son is involved in while under your care. This includes guilting him or transferring his personal opinions onto your son. Things are different now than when you all were married. It's in his best interest to be reasonable if he doesn't want it to affect his relationship with his son.
How many JWs have unbelieving mates, and their children are involved in school activities or sports? There's an elder who's son is a professional athlete, his wife is an unbeliever, so the door was open to allow sports. He supports his child to this day attending events as his schedule allows. Dad is a very humble man and you wouldn't know it if you didn't know him personally but those that know him know how proud he is of his child. But at the same time if it were up to his religious believes it may not have happen. Its the same concept now that you are divorced, there must be a compromise, in the best interest of the child. I know it sounds easier than it is but sometimes JWs need an out to allow themselves (their conscience) to be okay with the situation. I'm not implying your an unbeliever, but it's the same in the sense that you may have to take a stand (without jeopardizing your son's trust) like some unbelievers have in this situation.
Can you have a conversation with dad realigning boundaries? Is he reasonable? If so, you could say something like, "you know how much "child name" likes "whatever activities" I sense that he is hesitant in exploring this because he may worry about how you will feel about it. I know you don't agree with it personally and you should know that if he does this, it's not a reflection on you since I have full custody. My concern is that you both have the best relationship and that "child name" understands from you that whether or not he does this he has your unconditional love. "
if you could work on something like this, in addition to addressing your son's fear, maybe it will help ease things up. If you do, it's very important to be careful how you address the situation to dad so as to not put your son in the middle. Wishing you all the best.
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4thgen
Thank you for all your wonderful comments. It is nice to get others thoughts with this. It got me to thinking since he's only with me every other weekend, it is not practical for the organized sports. I will consider to encourage him with after school activies as he is interested and continue to encourage independent thinking. Right now he has shifted into being interested in science. That will keep him occupied for a while. Also, thank you for your validating comments on being a single parent. It meant more than you know.
jgnat, you have a PM
KiddingMe I wish his father was reasonable, but he is not. He's still in and active, even with the child abuse and driniking, very little has been done to him. It's the good ole boye club...He believes that education and sports are evil....Must follow the slave....
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Frazzled UBM
I think the best thing, as others have pointed out, is to dsit down and talk to your son about his fears and get him to understand that theya re nto real. I fpossible ti woudl be ideal if you could ask yoru son questions to get him to understand how his faither is crippled b oinot inaction by the fears he has been indoctrinated with by the WBTS. Get him to udnerstgand thte difference between real fears - that is things that woudl actually harm you - and phobias which are imagined fears. Do some internet stuudy on phobias. Get him to udnerstand how the WBTS use phobias to manipulate the believers. Fear of Jehovah, fear of Satan and his demons, fear of Armageddon, fear of leaving the organisation, fear of questioning the organisation, fear of apostates, fear of churches and organised religion. Ask him whether the thing that is feared is real or imagined - if he says real, ask him what is the evidence that they are real? Get him to reconginse that just because his Dad is scard fo it does nto mean it is a real thing to be feared.
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Frazzled UBM
One thing you might want to do once you have got him to think about this topic si to take him through the Bible Stories Book and get him to try to identify how it presents scary images to get children to be scared and to accept what is written there. I owuld be finding out everything your husband tlaks to him about so you know what he is putting in his head and so you can find ways to counteract it.
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LisaRose
Why don't you see if he has any other interests and find a class in that? Sports are great, but it's not good for him if he feels guilty about it. Art, music, science, etc. He could take gymnastics lessons, it's not necessary to actually compete.