A great story, the story of you. I was only 2 weeks away from baptism, consumed by anxiety and panic, agoraphobic tendencies....and they FORCED me (they did), to attend the assembly in Cardiff, while my mother lay dying in a coma........I turned up an hour late (panic attack in car)....and instead of concern and worry, was met with snake eyes and whispers.....I sat next to my only friend...and she said "You are late!"............
At that moment, something inside me "broke".....and I walked out, and never returned. My mam saved me in a way, even though she passed the next day.
What I am trying to say, despite the palpatations in my chest is.............I thought that was the end for me...mam died, and they all abandonded me (that took less than 24hrs!), and I had never felt more lost or hopeless.......and my anxiety and everything else was so much worse....for months...then I found JWN, and somehow........Jehovah didnt strike me down, and life went on........and I began my recovery. From myself, and from them.
Little steps will get you there. You will look back one day and realise the little things, were, in fact, the BIG things....... I realised that despite my problems, I would rather live life as ME and loose them, and all the cupboard love (a Welsh saying.......they only love you when you conform/behave) than pretend to be someone else, and be a robot. They compounded my illness, and whipped me for it. I am getting there, and in the great scheme of things......live and be happy, it's not a dress rehersal. I wish you all you wish for yourself. x
Paula