Newbee

DullBookworm

I have not been a sister for the past 19 years, i asked to be DA'd as I had started smoking aged 12 and at 19 no longer wanted people to think badly of the JW's over my conduct.

For 19 years my father, an elder, has tried his damndest to bring me back. He kept contact sometimes more, sometimes less, always under the threat to stop the contact alltogether. At one point he managed to not speak to me for several months.

Now he has moves to a different country and we have been on the phone EVERY day for the past few months. On monday I got the call (as did my disfellowshipped brother). I assume something has been said at sundays meeting or he's had his cage rattled again over talking to me.

This call appears to be a definate cut in the relationship and I am frustrated!

He lives in a household with my other brother, who was just reinstated a year ago, along with his non-believing wife. She is downright opposing and yet it is ok to have contact with her, but not with me!

In all these years I have defended the faith, kept making attempts to go back but failing because I can't give up the smoking thing, but apart from that I have led a moral and absolutely vanilla life.

Grrrr! Grrrrr! Grrrr!

ps, found a great website full of fantastic information http://www.jwfacts.com if only I could make my dad read it.....

mynameislame

First I'm sorry to hear about your situation.

It sounds like he is at least conflicted. I wouldn't bring up anything apostate though. That will only make him more stuborn.

Give it some time, whatever caused this will likely pass with time.

Unless you were baptised then you are not off limits as far as I know. DA is different than DF and if you were baptised and smoking then you might have a pretty good argument for anulling the baptisim.

DATA-DOG

Just imagine the stress that your Father is under. He is in an abusive relationship, but doesn't know it. I promise that he is torn between obeying the GB and talking to you. The Organization is on the ropes right now, things are not going their way. The internet is exposing them, their pedophile past is catching up, people are speaking out. They are cobatting the last problem by threats of death at Armageddon for speaking to DF'd relatives.

If your Father is an Elder, just ask him what the "Shepherd Book" says about speaking to df'd relatives. I am pretty sure that it says not to have contact with "non-relatives." He can talk to you if he wants to. Tell if he writes you off that he is judging you. He is basically assuming that you will never change. Ask him what JEHOVAH thinks about his impatience and judgment.

DD

cofty

Welcome to the forum

JWFacts is a fantastic resource.

Gypsy Sam

Welcome! You will find support here. It's nice it have you join us. Jwfacts is one of my favorite sites to go read when my still in JW family stresses me out.

jean-luc picard

Welcome Bookworm (I'm sure you're not dull).

Been there too. My mother didnt speak to me for 4 years. It was she that came back to me.

There's no garantee, of course, that that will be the case for you. But all things are possible.

Its they who dont have the time ( the end is so close and all that). We do have the time to wait. Be patient with him.

In the meantime, you'll find a hearing ear at jwn, 24 hours a day.

jlp

LisaRose

Welcome. Most if us have been playing this same game with our relatives, it's a never ending merry-go-round. It starts when they begin shunning you due to whatever you did that caused you to be cut off. After a while they miss you, and/or circumstances bring them into contact with you. They begin to talk to you a bit. This makes them feel guilty, and/or a new article comes out in the Watchtower that cracks the whip, the guilt cycle starts all over, so they cut off whatever contact they had with you. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Your only thing you can do is make the most of what ever contact you do get and try not to take it personally when they cut you off. They are being manipulated by a cult, their thinking is not their own.

Frazzled UBM

It seems to me that you should see your step mother as an allie and try to quietloy without yoru father knowing develop a common strategy to draw your father and your brother away from the cult. I am sure she would be very happy if you approached her in this way as I am sure she is just as frustrated with your father's membership of the cult as you are. If you both show him unconditional love in contrast to the conditional love he displays, it might get him thinking. I am a firecely opposing unbelieving mate so I know how difficult it is even though communication is allowed.

As others have said - you should not treat this latest statement that he needs to cut you off as final - he will be back - you are his daughter and he loves you, cult indoctrination notwithstanding. Good luck

Gayle

Is it your brother or your dad with a non-believing wife? I understand it is your sister-in-law? I hope she is Internet savy to be informed about the facts about JW history and manipulations. Of course, you have to be careful what you say to her about JW stuff, because she won't understand the confidentially you would need.

The WT has 'always' had a stance of not talking to relatives who were previously active JWs, that were DF'd. But now-a-days, there is getting to be a higher percentage of those leaving with voice/personal opinion, and the WTS does not have the percentage influx of new members by comparison. So the situation is very threatening to the GB and therefore the meetings, at the Kingdom Hall, assemblies, and circuit overseers are stressing shunning family members more frequently. The GB hate it that family members have more love for their family versus the GB.

Frazzled UBM

oh so your sister-in-law is the UBM - still good grounds for you to work with her and she should understand the need for discretion though she will ahve more influence over your brother but it may be a matter of one at a time so work on him first. Steve Hassan talks about forming alliances with family members to develop strategies to influence cult family members. Still if he has been reinstated he will be more zealous than before and perhaps more difficult to get through to as he will be terrified of getting df'd again.

Newbee

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