by thedog1 16 Replies latest jw friends
To Kate/Sam
yes, informal witnessing, or any witnessing, feels a bit weird since I read CoC, and have almost finished In Search of Christian Freedom. What to do? I went on the ministry recently, and our territory is very rural, and we often don't meet too many people. I found myself hoping I didn't meet anyone, as I was working on my own, and I didn't want to offer them the magazines. Hmmmm.
My truck knew before I did that I was "out".
After several meetings with the elders covering a certain topic I'd written Bethel about ( we were waiting for the FDS/Corporation to respond), I realized I was unable to comment at the WT study (though I'd been encouraged to participate). My heart just wasn't in it.
Finally, there came a Sunday when I was driving to the Sunday meeting and my truck's wheels seemed to turn by themselves into an empty parking lot about a mile from the kHall. I was shaking and soon began talking to myself and crying. I kept saying over and over again: "I can't go I can't go I can't go."
And I never went to a meeting again. Only one time more in the Hall for a final meeting with the PO and another elder to discuss the Bethel letter.
Like you, thedog1 and all the others, somrthing deep inside knew before I did that I was done with this false life.
thedog, Interesting post and great comments. When I was "in" I was embarassed of my beliefs and did everything possible to avoid a conversation. Now that I am out, I am very open with my past. I am a professesor and more that once I talked openly about my past when pressed by students.
Great post humbled, I know the exact point when I had the same epiphany. My body violently rejected my past and I had the same reaction as if I was in withdraw from a powerful drug.
thedog1,
At the moment it's clear you are still in the organisation, participating in meetings, field service and study. It's also clear you are out as far as some doctrines are concerned.
thedog1, you need to formulate a plan. If you continue living like this you will suffer badly with cognitive dissonance. Many step down as elders and stay in the org, many still formulate an exit plan. You're situation is delicate I know, my thoughts are with you. I am sure you will do the right thing for you and your lovely wife.
Take care Kate xx
Thanks Sam for those thoughts and your post on the other thread. As I mentioned on the other thread I am starting to formulate a plan as you suggest. First resign as an elder so there are not so many expectations from others and I can concentrate on helping my wife through her health issues. Then...
thedog1 - "I did also mention that I had been in another religion as a child but had changed because it took many of its beliefs from other sources and not just the bible. But I'm not sure if I can even say that this is not true of Jehovah's Witnesses."
Trying to find a Christian religion - or any religion, FTM - that has been created solely out of whole cloth (without any external influence) is impossible...
...because there's no such thing.
NewYork44M: I felt exactly the same way, embarrassed to say so when I was in (even as an adult) but now that I am out, I am willing to tell everyone, hopefully as a testimony to what a dangerous controlling cult they are. I cant even sit through a JW funeral service anymore, let alone a meeting.
