Don't tell me that I am a priority in your life

KariOtt

Valentines Day. Another holiday that unbelieving spouses can't celebrate. Just one out of many holiday's and important days that we get the shaft on. I waited my whole life to be someones Valentine. I'm still waiting. Oh how it hurt when you would buy roses for every female family member on Valentines day ond Mothers Day and forget me. Or look at me and say "you don't want any do you?" When you put it like that of course I don't. It should be automatic.You have everyone convinced that I don't like flowers. I loaned my laptop to a member in your stupid congration. They wanted to give me flowers as a thank you but your sister said that I don't like flowers. When I told you how hurt I was at not ever getting flowers from you, you apologized. Not long after you sent flowers to your first wife as you sent gifts to both your daughters, your son in law and all your grandkids. Plus your soon to be son in law. No flowers for me. No gift for me and nothing for my son. It hurts knowing that I am not even in your top 5 priorities. Its your jehovah, your sister, the elders, service work, the congration then me. Your wife. The one you vowed to forsake all others for. You keep asking if I'm happy. If I'm ok. Knowing how you react when I display negative emotions by shunning me for days on end I lie and say I am happy and ok. Why not lie. You lie to me and my friends. You can't denie this as you have left a paper trail. It hurts watching you pick and choose what doctrine rules you wish to follow. You wouldn't attend my baptism but chose to attend a funeral that was not for a witness. You plan to walk your daughter down the isle for her wedding and plan to attend your grandsons Marine Corps basic training. You want to go with your other daughter to her first husbands grave on Memorial Day. You post a ton of military stuff on facebook. But you don't wish me a happy Valentines Day, a happy birthday, a happy mothers day, a happy Thanksgiving or a Merry Christmas. I can't wish you any of those holidays to you or a happy birthday to you. You accept birthday and holiday wishes from others even accept gifts. You can't see how much I hurt. You are blind where I am concer

KariOtt

You are blind where I an concerned. I have to deal with all your watchtower crap all over the house. Yet you say that you are not in my face with witness stuff. Look around honey. You are. I can't even take a potty without seeing your crap. Yet I don't display my King James Bible. The witness get more of your waking hours than I do. Its always something witness with you. Can't you see how the elders and congration are putting a wedge between us? Open your flipping eyes. A lot of people ask why I am still married to you. Its simple I love you. I love you more than you love me. I vowed to love you though better or worse. Just hope it gets better soon. Thats all I have for now. Until my birthday rolls around and I go into another depression.

Thanks again everyone for allowing me to vent. I haven't been on for a while because I have been pretty sick and my IBS has been in overdrive.

nonjwspouse

I'm sorry to hear you have been sick

I hope the snow is over soon ( after this weekends expected snow, ugh) and you can get out in the expected warm sunny day later next week. Sunshine walks are good for the blues.

This too shall pass along and you can just work on future things. I get how hard that is. But it is just one step in front of the other that we have to do. Then sometimes a few sliding back.

You need to do things for you. You are worth it. Begin planning nice things for yourself, starting now. Make a list then begin checking things off day after day, week after week. They can be very simple and also not so simple. All are you own choice, you alone, your choice and control for yourself. You.are.worth.it.

KariOtt

nonjwspouse... I have been looking into free online classes in history. Sense I don't have a happy home life and hubby is to blind to see that I am not happy. I need to find something to fill my life with. Not to mention by taking free classes he can't complain how much money it is costing him. MIT has a great free online program.

JWdaughter

Kari-I was in a marriage like that for so many years. I am not now. Trust me, sweetie, its not getting better-it will just get more hurtful as you give more and more of yourself for less and less. You can stick with it until you are dead inside if you wish or you can divorce all your emotions from him as he seems to have done with you so that his shunnings wont hurt you (think of it as more time for your own interests).

I do suggest that you make an announcemennt overt or otherwise about what your fave flower is and post lots of facebook pictures of whatever it is that you like. Don't let his lie become everyone elses truth, Kari. He has too much power just by his not caring. If he says something to others that is false,contradict him and deal with the fallout. The truth will show him for the ass that he is.

I played the passive games while writing letters such as yours on my computer,on paper. I eventually acted out and finally did rather desperate things to just rid myself of that marriage. I lost a lot in the process, but I gained more. I would suggest that you start being strategic. I never was and would have save myself some grief had I been so.

Its not much, but this is for you . You deserve good things-start giving them to yourself in some way, but mostly, you have a voice. Don't let him silence you.

clarity

Wow JWDaughter is right on!!!!!!

Really Kari that treatment would give anyone a tummy ache!

clarity

AlphaMan

For you Kari.

Sorry you are having a sad day.

LisaRose

I am sorry you are in such a relationship. It's hard when there are so many unwritten rules that you feel you must lie. I suggest going out and buying yourself a big bunch of roses. Say " I know you would buy me flowers - if you could - so I am buying them for you, because flowers make me happy, and I know you want me to be happy." Sometimes you have to be a bit strategic to get what you want. I used to be the kind of person who would never say what I wanted, so it made it easy for others to take advantage. No more, you have to love and value yourself, otherwise no one else will. I got a dozen roses today, because my husband knows I love roses, and he knows I expect to get them on Valentine's day.

Nathan Natas

Kari, as I'm sure you know, Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate THANKSGIVING either ...AND YET when Thanksgiving rolls around, LOTS of JWs "take advantage of the sales and the time off from work" and have turkey dinners while their pagan neighbors are celebrating Thanksgiving.

So it is with VALENTINE'S DAY. This is the time of year that a person can "take advantage of the availabilty and the sale prices" to get a big, heart-shaped box of chocolates, or a big bunch of flowers.

If your guy wanted to bring you chocolates and flowers, Jehovah himself couldn't prevent him from doing so.

KariOtt

Yesterday was a bad day for me. While I was watching the USA vs Russia hockey game this morrning I put on my 2014 Team Hockey Jersey that I asked my hubby back in January that if he wanted to get me a just for the heck of it gift I would love to have the jersey. Even though I asked for it I'll pretend it was a Valentines gift. I don't consider it a Vday gift but thats how I'll look at it.

jwdaughter, clarity,and alpha man.... thank you for your nice comments.

lisarose... thank you also however I don't use maniulpation tactics.

nathan natas...thank you and I totally agree with you. They should not accept any holiday pay for any national holiday's since they do not observe or celebrate them. But they do. Just another contradiction as far as I am concerned.

Don't tell me that I am a priority in your life

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