by Demokan 19 Replies latest jw friends
I have BDD, it isn't just the meetings it's everything. I don't want to go but I feel guilty of not going cause he said everyone is wondering where I am, but I dont want anyone to see my face... And tomorrow they said they'll call me to make sure Im going but it's so tough.
also how do I cancel talks thx.
Whats BDD?
Dear Demokan,
Sorry it's so hard for you... not just you, but for people older than you, to say "no."
Talks? hmmm... just say you have too much to do nowadays w/school... "Too much pressure"
As far as someone calling... don't answer the phone... haha... that always works..
Please tell us more about your circumstances...
Who is calling? What does BDD mean?
hang in there, cha ching
also how do I cancel talks thx.
You just simple say to the elder in charge that you want to be removed from giving talks , cite personal reasons.
They aren't going to DF, DA you for that, might get a bit more curious eye by the elders though.
At some point everyone has to learn to stand up for themselves, Its better to start now, it will save a lot of headaches. The culture of the JWs make people think they have a right and responsibility to judge and tell you what to do. It is up to you to manage this. The less said the better, so practice a few things to say when this happens. A shrug, downcast eyes and "
" I'm sorry but I am unable to give my talk"
Why?
"I just don't feel up to it, I am so sorry"
What is wrong, are you sick?
I'm sorry, I appreciate your concern, but I can't really talk about it. I promise I will let you know when I am able to do talks again."
Then hang up or walk away.
Other possibilities:
"I am just under so much pressure right now."
"I really wish I didn't have to cancel, but it can't be helped"
Come up with something that feels right to you, practice in the mirror until it becomes automatic.
Remember, these people mean well, but their main concern is keeping you in line, which is not in your best interests, so do not feel you owe them anything. Be polite, don't lie, but don't say anything more than you have to. It's OK to simply not respond to rude questions. Or say "I can't believe you said that". Or, " I'll pray about that". Some people have developed the art of placating others without actually giving any real information. My Son was a genius at it.
You have a right to think what you want, even if you are young.
If you are not baptized, this could be much easier then you think. Simply do research on the JW belief and explain in clear words that while you made reaserch in order to become baptized, you came to conclusions that defer to greatly from JWs and that thus, you cannot go any further.
If you are baptized, state your reasoning in a clear matter to your parents and don't give any reasons to the others other then, you "need time right now".
If your parents are super zealots, then, what's the point of not being disfellowshipped. Other then family, you shouldn't care about the others cause in the end, none of 'em will care about you.
Demokan, I wonder if you are referring to BDD?
The general consensus on JWN is that membership of the WBTS is bad for our mental health. This manifests in a myriad of ways and disorders.
Gradually (and skilfully) getting out of a situation that causes Cognitive Dissonance is potentially a useful first step. ("Mom & Dad, something at the hall is making me feel ill, and I can't put my finger on it. I'll try to go once a month and let you know if and when it passes").
Our mental health is also tied in with physical, spiritual and social health.
A good Psychologist (that will not try to pressure you into taking destructive, synthetic and addictive psychoactive drugs) can be a big help (talking medicine, and CBT).
Gradually getting and staying fit will also help.
Being young and dependant on your parents you may need to fill your time with as many positive school and community activities as you can. Helping others out is a really good way to exit the teen years intact, balanced and healthy.
Maybe your school guidance counsellor can assist you with part-time voluntary placements for a week or month until you find things that work for you and people you could relate to.
Also try to get advice from many good sources to cancel out bias and bad advice.
Try not to freak your parents out, and try for win-win compromises.
The teen years are a challenge by themselves (without further complications such as religion).
I pray for a steady course and for healing over time.
Blessings
Fernando
Demokan - also how do I cancel talks thx.
Hi Demokan, Fear of public speakng where you don't talk, stuttering, talking softly, making lots of pronounciation errors, and saying "No thank you." sound like good ways to me to avoid being asked to speak in talks. The more mistakes that you make; the less you will be asked to speak.
Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,
Robert
These people have no right to pester you when you are struggling with your mental health. Get your doctor to support you. Your doctor can write a letter to anyone to let them know you cannot engage in an activity, whether it's going to meetings or giving talks. There may be a small charge, there is in the UK but I don't know where you are.
These people are just preying on you because you are feeling vulnerable. It makes me so angry. What do your parents think about it, are they involved?
I suspect that "BDD" is this: http://www.adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/related-illnesses/other-related-conditions/body-dysmorphic-disorder-bdd
