Anglican school phobia

by Frazzled UBM 20 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  Frazzled UBM

  After a long and frustrating houe search in London we finally found a place that fitted all our requirements and my wife seemed happy with and I was successful in the bidding process and had our offer accepted even though it wasn't the highest beacuse we can exchange contracts quickly and now we have lawyers working on exchanging contracts soon. So everything is going swimmingly and then my wife demands that we go and look at a house being offered by the same agent we used to make the offer on the house we are buying. I am like WTF, if we ask the agent to see another property they will tell the vendors for the place we are buying and they will revoke acceptance of our offer and we will be back to square one.

  Then it dawns on me that the place she wants to look at is close to my son's current non-denominal school and the house we are buying is two doors away from an anglican school and quite a way away from my son's current school. In this context I had suggested to my wife that he move schools as he is quite unhappy at this current school. She had also been complaining that the anglican school didn't have the same after school clubs as my son's current school.

  So I asked her whether this was the issue. She was non-committal but it was pretty clear that ti was. So I asked her what the problem was to help me understand. She was non-committal and basically stopped answering my questions. So I put some scenarios to her - is it becausew the Church of England is part of the world conspiracy of false religions referred to as Babylon the great and that they will get destroyed first? response: 'Idon't know'. Is it because there are demons in churches (she has a phobia of churches) and in church schools? 'I don't know' and she asks me 'Why are you so keen for him to go to that school?' which suggested to me that her distrust of me is so great that the fact that I am enthusiastic about the school is grounds for suspicion. I put this to her and then she just shuts down and refuses to discuss the subject further.

  I had hoped to be able to pinpoint exactly what she was scared of so we could address it and get her to be comfortable that her fears were not real but she left me completely frustrated. I went to bed bitter and angry at the cult for making her so full of phobias and so emotionally retarded.

  Could anyone enlighten me on what was going on in her head? Why woudl she be so fearful of our son going to an Anglican school even though it doesn't teach religion or require the students to be Anglicans?

  Even More Frazzled
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  zebagain

  Your the Dad do it! if the contracts are signed its done. Suggest strongly to "I dont know" that you "Do know". and if you bomb out of the just signed contract then you both may well be up for a hefty fee to the vendors of that property. Then its no house and a big fee into the bargain.

  If she can not or will not say what it is that causes her this vexation then it cant be too damned important! After school clubs? Children go to school for the primary learning not the after school clubs. or is this child planning to clean windows?

  rant over crap day.
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  Frazzled UBM

  zebagain - thanks for responding - yes there is no chance I iwll be agreeing to look at other properties and miss out on this one. I like the 'do know' approach - I will try that next time but suspect because it is a phobia that she will be laoth to articulate it. I will move schools for my son but I also don't want the agro of her sniping about it hence my reason for trying to tease out the issue. So there is no common and garden Witness phobia of church schools then?
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  The Searcher

  Several of the kids in our cong go to the C of E school - including elders' kids. No problem!

  If she can afford it, why not get your wife to pay for Internet Learning for your child? Maybe that'll please her!
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  jgnat

  Who knows what is going on inside that woman's head? She's not talking, just passively resisting. Does she really see you as being in the "enemy" camp? It's like she's looking for reasons to resist (persecution complex?)

  I don't like home school/internet learning for a child in a divided household. This boy needs to have a social life!

  P.S. I appreciate how difficult the housing market is in the UK. Don't pass this opportunity up!

  Will this change which Kingdom Hall district she will be part of?
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  Frazzled UBM

  Thanks for that info The Searcher but no I would not agree to internet schooling - as jgnat said he needs social interaction, particularly as he is an only child and given there is a perfectly good school two doors away. One of the advantages of the house is it is in a cul-de-sac and close to the school so I am hoping that by sending him to that school he will meet the kids who live in the street and so will have neighbours to play with.

  jgnat - I had not thought she saw me in the enemy camp but her comments shocked me somewhat and I imagine she is constantly getting people in her ear at the KH about the risks to her faith of having a UBM. I told her this morning that she needed to think about how she was treating me and that she wasn't treating me well which I think was a bit of a shock to her. We will see what happens tonight as to whether she is at all conciliatory. She won't be changing KHs as she goes to a Tagalog language one a long way from where we live which has the advantage of discouraging shepherding calls.
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  Joe Grundy

  F-UBM: Just some idle thoughts. I never was a JW, but I do have a Filipina ex-wife and I was, some time ago, a governor of a church Voluntary-Aided school.

  Maybe your wife is relating back to the Philippines where, as you know, religious influence is very strong (mainly RC but also non-conformist protestant). Perhaps you could reassure her that in the UK (or in England, rather) CofE schools are a historical throwback (all mixed up with Church and State, etc.) and if there wasn't a sign outside no-one would know the difference.

  Forgive me if I'm out of order but this may be a bit of cultural difference as well as (or more than) the JW thing. House purchase is always difficult (in London many times more so) and IMHO you should stick to your guns. Would it help if you and she visited the school and she could see for herself just how non-religious CofE schools are? I recall having discussions with the head of the CofE school, who had no religious beliefs whatsoever. The parish vicar wasn't sure whether he was a christian, a buddhist, an atheist or all three.

  IMHO all religious indoctrination of children is pernicious. CofE schools are perhaps the least pernicious.

  Best wishes to you and good luck with it all.
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  Frazzled UBM

  Thanks Joe - that may have something to do with it
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  KateWild

  Fraz,

  It seems to me you are right about your wifes phobias. She likely wants your son in a non-domination school. Some JWs especially those from different cultures can be more supersticious than the average UK JW.

  I am sure with a lot of care and patience you can reason with her and win her over. I think tonight would be good for the card, flowers and chocolate to show her you appreciate her.

  I hope it goes well

  Kate xx
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  Frazzled UBM

  Kate -

  You are right - I just read a three year old post on here about JW phobias which lists phobia of other religions, which woudl extend to religous schools I think.

  Ironically I brought home the non-Valentine Day Valentine's Day card and gift yesterday and then we got caught up in this crap so I felt like a bit of chump for going to that trouble and then getting treated like the enemy. Perhaps that was another reason why I was so pissed off.

  Still Frazzled