Thanks everyone. As soon as my wife decided she wanted to go to the meeting i immediately felt anger. Irrational in itself, it was more frustration at myself for not being more brave to stand up for what true and right. I felt the coward in me come back, the creation made by the organization. Snares right im full of indecision. Indecision is what snared me into the organization because they could choose for me. And that quality blossomed to the point where i have trouble deciding what to do with free time or even what to eat lol. But i think the time is fast approaching for me to leap, be honest, and, perhaps, let the chips fall where they may.
i did go to the meeting and at one point they spoke of our 'mother' and my wife leans over and says "what do they mean, 'our mother'". I said "they mean the organization". She pondered a moment, a bit perplexed, and then just said "ooooh".
but yes i am feeling like the "staying in" route may not be best for me.