Hello everyone it's nice to finally be able to post I had trouble getting emails last month and was never able to sign up. This has been a very informative site which has really helped me grow and to think for myself. Please allow me to introduce myself.
i was born into a witness family and was baptized at a young age an was part of a small Kingdom Hall. In high school I led a double life because I always got along with my friends in school and liked to party. When school was over i had no desire to attend college so I became an apprentice electrician. I dont know if I would have made a different choice as a non jw, i believe it is true that college is not for anyone. when I moved out of my parents home I realized I needed to make the truth my own so I started pioneering while working full time. That only lasted a year but I went to pioneer school which helped me appreciate spiritual study.
during this time I started dating a wonderful girl and was able to be completely open with her with all my past sins. We dated several years and we married in 2008, shortly thereafter I was appointed as a ministerial servant. This was an exciting time for me I did my best to study and keep up with my responsibilities. I was able to give public talks at surrounding halls and I enjoyed the deep study to really understand my outlines.
later on I was offered a job in pipeline construction so my wife and I moved. this has proven to be wonderful for us I have been working steadily for 4 years making more then most college graduates not too bad for a construction worker. It was in the last year and a half in our new hall that I started to feel like something was not right.
our hall was just dull, service was dull, singing was dull. It seemed as if there was no life, people attended just to go through the motions. In our 3 years there we were always referre to as the new people, never invited to do much even though I was an active m.s. I started going to meetings just merely to be seen, never feeling refreshed. Then one evening my parents mentioned the july 15 wt and the new understandings. I read this right away and was instantly troubled, why would Jehovah reveal this now? Why not 40 years ago? Then it hit me hard, he didnt reveal anything progressively, it's just what they think right now. The conclusions reached in that magazine made no sense to me why would the FDS be appointed over domestics and then the belongings which are made up of themselves and other annointed, not to mention the annointed are supposed to kings and priests with them. This interpretation has no backing in scriptures. This conclusion had profound meaning to me, I realized the bible can be interpreted in different ways. One idea may be right but could later be wrong. since this is the case how can jw's condemn religions for their erroneous teachings when their teachings could change as well.
If god accepts individuals spreading incorrect ideas, then truly it is their heart condition that matters to him, however could that not then apply to every human on earth regardless of their religion or beliefs? when i understood these ideas I found myself unable to engage in the ministry and stepped down as a servant.
i started researching online about the watchtower and have learned much. I recently purchased crisis of conscience, and it is a powerful book indeed. I know it's the foremost apostate book but the books tone of sadness, humility, and honesty was nothing I expected from the "selfish apostates". This site has contained excellent life stories, opinions, and links that have really helped me as well. I am unable to write down what I believe right now, I don't know what that will turn out to be, but I believe the process itself to figure out lifes answers is worth it in itself. I do not agree that you must avoid material that challenges your beliefs, we need to challenge ourselves to find out is true in our lives.
this turned out to be longer then I meant, but thank you for the opportunity to talk.