by punkofnice 21 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
I guess this is cognitive dissonance calling loud and clear!
I remember being proud to be a JW yet at the same time I felt that I was just fooling myself.
I think this also applies to the stupid doctrines of the watchtower(R).......they made sense but at the same time they didn't.
I had secret self loathing for not being 'zealous(TM)' enough but on the other hand I didn't.
Seems to me I had a separation of authentic persona from cult persona.
Anyone else get this?
I was the opposite, hyper zealous untill I learned TTATT, and left dramatically. I had lots of CD for a few months until I learned TTATT, but I was never apathetic or felt like I was faking it. I thought it was a cong issue not an organisation worldwide problem.
Kate xx
I don't know if it is the same thing but I was always trying to find the thing that was holding me back. I was always a little depressed and figured it was something I was doing wrong. Blamed the usual suspects, my Led Zeppelin albums, watching the Simpsons, having too much fun doing something non JW related. Funny how the "mature" members were quick confirm these beliefs by being judgmental whenever you had fun. Looking back I wonder if they were jealous.
You describe my Cog. Diss.to a tee when I was in Mr Punk Sir !
I think that struggle gradually tears you apart, the real you is constantly fighting the "you" that we imagine we should be because of the ideal Mr or Ms Jehovah's Witness that is portrayed by the W.T.
In my adult life I used to tell myself that jehovah was a god of love and would understand my limitations, which amounted to not being able to be the good little sheepie dubbie,and that even the WT didn't really expect us to attain those unreachably high, totally unrealistic targets that they set.
I beleived they wanted us to aim high, and then perhaps achieve a level that made us acceptable, simply by aiming higher than we could really achieve.
It is only after I left, but amazingly so quickly after I left, that I realised the "cult persona" was totally false, totally not me, and that it was not even a good thing if I had achieved the total subjugation of the real me.
It was such a relief,and feeling of sublime peace, to realise I could be completely the real me, and still be a good person in all things that in truth matter.
Kate - I also didn't understand why I couldn't defend my faith well enough. I thought it was me being 'spiritually weak(TM)'.
MNIL - Yes. There were those in the congregation that seemed to think that you should only listen to the Kingdum Maladies.
I wonder if these ones really meant it or were putting on a show?
After 1995 definitely.
Phizzy
It is only after I left, but amazingly so quickly after I left, that I realised the "cult persona" was totally false, totally not me, and that it was not even a good thing if I had achieved the total subjugation of the real me.
Ditto
Designs - 1995? Pray tell.
That was the "Generation" change. We had our CO the week it came out and even he couldn't get his head around it or put the good spin on it.
punk that's me to a tee also.
I believed it in as much that I was sure I was gonna be killed by Big ole J any day soon because I fell so far short of the ideal JW.
I tried but I too couldn't defend the 'truth' the JW's believed in, deep down I didn't believe it but at the same time I still tried to defend it........sheeesh the CD!
On the doors I could hear the utter JW make believe coming out of my mouth & there I was trying to get the householder to sign up to very organisation that was causing me such turmoil & misery.
The self analysis the borg encouraged tore me apart because I couldn't say hand on heart that I loved god.................in fact I didn't really like him that much.
The relief I felt when I walked away from the JW's is something I appreciate every single day.
Not for myself, I thought the Watchtower Corporation was faking it quite often though.
