Need an ex-elder or someone who knows

by Roberta804 15 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Roberta804

  Hello All,

  It has been a long time since I have been here, but I need you guys now. My Mother-in-law is on her death been; most likely will not make it though the night. My husband and I have sat with her for the past two days, she is totally unconcious. Anyways, here is the drill. My husband and I left the JWs 30 years ago. His sister and two of his brothers call themselves JWs, they were baptized, but are drunk more than they are not. The "boys" ages 46 and 48 lived with their mother, never married, no kids. Mom was always nice to us, never shunned us even though the rest of the family did, so we always made a point to visit with her dispite their treatment of us.

  Now when I was there yesterday the hospice nurse asked about their arrangements for her and the family seems to think that a elder will give her a " proper" eulogie (sp) and that all the sisters will bring food for after a service for her. However Mom was NEVER, EVER, baptized, attended only once in a great while. I think they are delusional, but I did not want any kind of arguements in that situation so I bit my lip and did not say that it was my experience that JW's don't do anything for someone who is not baptized.

  Am I correct in my thinking here? After being out for 30 years, will they provide a preaching funeral service for her and a dinner after when she was not baptized?
• 

  ldrnomo

  your probably right no one in the congregation will do anything. They will leave it to the family
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  wearewatchingyouman

  Just depends on the circumstances and congregation. My Uncle was never baptised, and rarely attended, but my Grandmother's congregation was willing to give him a memorial. Those of the family who aren't in the the troof threw a stink, as we knew these weren't his wishes, so it never happened. It just depends. It's up to the elders of the congregation, and then if someone is comfortable giving the talk.
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  gingerbread

  They won't hold the funeral in the Kingdom Hall.

  A 'brother' can give the funeral talk at a funeral home - maybe someone that the family is still aquainted with. This would be seen as an opportunity to 're-ignite' the family back into JW activity.

  Prepare for shunning if you're disfellowshipped...or love bombed if you quietly went inactive 30 years ago.

  ginger
• 

  sparrowdown

  Hello Roberta,

  I have known of elders giving talks for unbaptised ones but NOT in the KH.

  They have had a private service at the funeral home and then had arrangement for refeshments at a private home.

  This was also done for bro who took his own life.

  So there are ways around it perhaps depends on which elder you ask.

  Hope that helps and sorry for your loss.

  sparrow
• 

  SyntaxError1974

  The real question is what did SHE believe? Did she think she was going to heaven? Did she believe that death is sleep like? Did she believe in afterlife? Did she believe in reincarnation? Did she believe in resurrection?

  This is important because the elder giving the talk will say "let's discuss x's belief. She had the hope of a resurrection..."

  where another official/pastor might say" we can find comfort knowing X is in heaven now"

  her service should not be hypocritical. Even if one does not agree with her beliefs, thus is HER 30 minutes. The rest can respectfully listen, agreeing or not.
• 

  Splash

  The above explanations are accurate.

  But don't expect a eulogy, it will be a few words about her that leads into a discourse about JW theology.

  Sorry to hear you are going through this, it must be a very difficult time for you all.

  Splash
• 

  Roberta804

  Ginger,

  After 30 years, I do not know anyone there anymore, but I am sure my sister and brothers-in-law will blow a trumpet a head of us. They are so vindictive and just plain mean. The "boys" have been on notice many a time from the eldes over their drinking, and the sister-in-law married out of the religion to a drunk herself. She is not by anymeans "active" as she supports herself and her husband. What a family eh???

  Everyone else: Oh boy, are they going to be upset that it won't be a "freebe" in the KH. They don't have the money for a funeral home, she is being creamated and they have not decided what to do with the ashes yet. Mom knew a few people there, but she only saw them if she went to the KH and she has not been there in over a year and probably a year before that.
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  joe134cd

  I have a feeling the service won't be in a kingdom Hall. It will be in a funeral chapel. I have even know of a funeral service not been in a KH because of the off spring been disfellowshiped.As for the food and refreshments afterward that will be entirely up to individual publishers. I'm guessing if she was only at the meeting every once and a while and not well known, it may make things difficult.
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  gingerbread

  Roberta -

  Remember that dealing with the death of a loved one is traumatic on most levels. By way of your description, it sounds as if the family may have it's greater than fair share of disfunction.

  Without knowing all of the family history, remember that this is their mother. The last word on matters for funeral arrangements and what remains of the estate falls on the natural children. Sometimes it's best to keep out of this discussion - with this being your mother-in-law.

  Also remember that people don't choose to become 'drunks'. They drink heavy or become alcoholics because they have unresolved problems in their lives. I would suggest that you keep this negative side of their personalities out of your mind during this stressful time.

  Death can divide families. It can also provide the opportunity to mend emotional fences, to apologize, to forgive and to support one another.

  ginger