by mobumpkin 16 Replies latest jw friends
Welcome, I'm sorry your sister is treating you so badly.
I have never seen such hate from someone who is supposed to love Jehovah.
Sadly, this religion seems to breed such behavior. I honestly don't know HOW these people justify their actions. They will go knock on total stranger's doors claiming to have "the Truth" and that they are part of "the only true religion," but they will treat their own family as bad or worse than people with no religion.
From the way you describe the situation, this doesn't sound like a JW/WT problem. Treating her elderly parents poorly means she's treating both of them poorly, not just the unbeliever.
Depending on the severity and type of maltreatment, this could be a matter for the civil authorities. Check the listings for your parent's area and find a government entity with a name like "Elder Abuse". Call them and discuss your concerns. They will probably do a well-being check, just a conversation with your parents to get their views on the relationship and to gain insight into your parent's current abilities to handle their own lives. They will not do this in your sister's presence (or yours!), so your parents will be able to speak as freely as they choose.
Welcome mobumpkin, I'm sorry about how your sister is treating you and also your parents. Unfortunately, many JWs treat DF'ed and DA'ed JWs poorly, because of the WTBTS's shunning doctrine.
Were you and your sister close when you were a JW in good standing? If you were close, then may be her cult persona feels threatened and needs to over-compensate to keep her authentic persona in check.
Since you have close JW family and friends, you will never be free from JWs trying to coerce you to "return to Jehovah". Fortunately, you can do independent research of the WTBTS and how the WTBTS uses BITE control techniques to victimize JWs, so that you can heal emotionally and get rid of WTBTS induced phobias. Also, you may learn how to communicate more effectively with JWs so that they can critically think for themselves, instead of blindly following WTBTS's doctrines.
Have you read any cult-exit counselors' books, such as Steve Hassan's books (i.e., "Combatting Cult Mind Control", "Releasing the Bonds: Empowering People to Think for Themselves", and (his latest book) "Freedom of Mind: Helping Loved Ones Leave Controlling People, Cults and Beliefs"), visited his website www.freedomofmind.com, and watched his FREE videos on his website? I would recommend watching the following videos on Steve Hassan's website: How Big is the Phenomenon of Undue Influence? (2:01) and Strategic Interactive Approach explained 2003 (1:23:23). Also, have you visited other reputable websites like www.jwfacts.com, www.watchtowerdocuments.com, www.jwsurvey.org, www.freeminds2.org, etc. to learn more about the WTBTS?
Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,
Robert
Why not deal with family issues in a normal way, instead of involving a toxic, high control group that you no longer belong to? Just a thought. There's really no right or wrong answer.
My approach has always been to act normal and let them be the aberration. To help the elders meddle in your personal affairs is to give them power they should not have. IMO.
I agree with Rebel8. When I was very ill, my younger sister could not even send me a nickel Get Well card. My motto was living welll is the best revenge. We did not speak for 25 years. We were never close. I would have given her support. When it turned ugly, my life was superb. I no longer saw my siblings as losers b/c of our family abuse. I looked forward to forming closer relationships with them. The problem is that I am much older than my sister. She was not interested in relationship. Circumstances forced me to move near her for a while. We were forced to start talking. I wish we were close buddies but the present situation is much better than not talking.
Snitching to a teacher or parent is not good form but snitching to a religion is super bad form. Do you have a right to be angry and hurt? I bet you do. My mind would race to the hypocrisy of a JW. My sister taught Catholic children church doctrine while shunning me. I still don't know why she shunned me. Many people suspect her husband.
Punch pillows, etc. Vent here. Another problem is that you don't know the personalities in your sister's hall. My mom would always advise against involving KH people. They are not trained the way mainstream clergy is. I've seen the wonders educated clergy can accomplish. The Witnesses might make matters worse.
Such great advice here..the reason I am even considering going to an elder in the first place is to show her I will not tolerate her toxic behavior and the "church" is where it will hurt her the most. She would rather die then have the congregation know how she is behaving when she is not there. My mother she has tried to get thrown out of the hall because she lied and told them she talked to me all the time. Couldn't be further from the truth. I would rather her view me as being dead that would be better. She has a very strange closeness with my ex husband and they are working this hate campaign against me and now its involving my children. That is why I am so angry. I am a good person even though I don't belong to the religion anymore. She has no right to involve herself in my business.
Welcome mobumpkin,
Your sister sounds very malicious indeed. I can understand it will hurt her the most if you affect her standing in the cong and they see what she is really like. That is what many JWs are, the lead double lives and are hypocrites.
My advice would be if you try to hurt her in this way she will only retaliate back. You have fragmented family circumstances and need some peace. If you tell the elders you are making war. Instead I suggest you talk this over with your dad, try to get him to understand that being a JW is causing problems for your mum. What really will give you peace is if your mum left and has a normal relationshio with you.
My advice is work hard with you dad to accomplish teatching your mum TTATT and getting her out the KH for good. This will take time, patience and a lot of effort, but it will mean you sister has less control in your parents affairs.
Love from Kate xx
