How do you get a word in edge-wise, when talking to a JW?

by Faithful Witness 17 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  Faithful Witness

  Just looking for some pointers, as I was never a JW. I have an elderette coming over on Friday, for another performance.

  Last week, I was under the impression that she was coming to answer some questions I had. It quickly became clear that she came with a plan for the "conversation," and we went on an expedition from one passage of the bible to the next, while she made leaping claims, argued with herself and kept me confused and always with more than one question lingering in my mind, while she continued talking and talking.

  When I have a conversation with someone, I tend to stop talking when they are speaking. I can only assume that JW's have something included in their ministry school, that helps them avoid being interrupted while they are giving one of their presentations.

  Back when my husband and I were bible students, we used to start referring to our weekly BS session as "The Bob Talkalot Show" (name changed to protect my own identity). I now get to look forward to the "Miss K Show."

  I fully expect her to follow up with me, and try to get me cornered into a topic for discussion this week. She rejected my idea of finishing or fully answering my question about the slave. Her conclusion was something to the effect of, "every person has to decide for themselves." (blink blink blink... no, I'm not judging you right now, not at all... blink blink blink).

  If I do end up giving her a topic, I don't plan to let her start her speech, until I ask her some follow up questions to comments she and Miss W made last week. I also want to try to get them to confirm what they really believe is going to happen to me, if I never become a JW.

  Does anyone have any pointers, or things that helped you ever stop and realize that you were working so hard to NOT listen to people you were supposedly "helping?" I don't know if I asked that clearly, but I don't want to sit through another bullying session, without my questions at least being allowed to come out of my mouth.

  I did not finish a complete thought even once, without her changing the subject or trying to get me to answer some unrelated question. I am so unfamiliar with this communication pattern, and I am looking for ways to get my point across, without sounding like an apostate or a b*&ch.
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  Aroq

  Just politely ask your question again even after their speech on whatever. I find that when you do this, people will have to acknowledge your question. Explain that it is hard for you to move to the next subject until you have discussed the one you are currently "stuck" on.
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  Abe Ostate

  At one point, during a conversation with an Elder and a Ministerial Servant, I started to feel that exact same way: as soon as one finished, the other would jump in, and they were so rapidly in sync with one another that I could barely think much less respond. Finally when one took a breath, I said, rather aggressively, "_____, I need to say something." If you have to, don't be afraid to be rude; they're the ones who are rudely refusing to let you speak your mind.
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  punkofnice

  As stated above, restate your question and say that they didn't answer it.

  You might be wasting your time though.
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  OUTLAW

  .

  JW`s don`t know how to have a real conversation..

  JW`s talk at you,not to you..

  JW`s are Social Retards/WatchTards..

  .

  .................................A Public Message To..

  

  ...

  ..................

  ................................................................................. ...OUTLAW
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  donny

  Ask her for the reason why Jesus chose the Society as the Faithful and Discreet slave in the spring of 1919 and what extraordinary evidence does she have to support that extraordinary claim.
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  Phizzy

  " I did not finish a complete thought even once, without her changing the subject or trying to get me to answer some unrelated question. "

  As mentioned above, you have summed up the JW method of "Thought Stopping" so very very well. This is all they can do, they simply cannot allow the discussion to reach its logical conclusion, or they are sunk.

  You must drag them back relentlessly to the point, I know this feels like you are being rude, but frankly they are being rude to you by underestimating your knowledge and intelligence, and by not answering, inferring that you are dumb, and your points are not worth addressing.

  They are trained to"parry" your thrusts, just like a Fencer, most of them do not realise they have been trained to do this, but the WT literature that they study does this all the time, raise an irrelevent point, another seemingly related issue etc etc, anything rather than answer.

  I would finally say to such a person ,if they refuse to answer properly, "I feel you are wasting my time and yours if you will not, or cannot, answer my queries".

  If they are not prepared to be honest with you, tell them to push off.
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  wearewatchingyouman

  I find it best to have an outline pre-written when disussing things with JW's. Print out your questions, and have a copy for both of you. It's much easier for you to control the conversation that way.
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  designs

  I have a customer who is a chronic Talk Over-you type, its incurable.
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  blondie

  I don't have access to the recent KMs right now but there were some specific paragraphs about no talking over the HH and not interrupting your preaching partner.