The Dilaudid Delusion

Zoos

Hey folks. Just need to check in.

Due to an injury, I had to start taking some pretty powerful pain killers and stayed on them for about 1 1/2 months until I finally had surgery this past Wednesday. Now it's time to come down off these 4mg Dilaudid pills (6 - 7 pills a day).

In my past I have kicked the alcohol, cocaine and cigarette habits. Those addictions are several years behind me. I remember the feigning, the craving, the desperation associated with not having those drugs. I'm not experiencing that with this Dilaudid drug. I can honestly say I have no urge to take more. That's a HUGE card in my favor for beating this thing. I'm not psychologically addicted, but I have a strong physical dependence.

I've been stepping the drug down slowly. I plan on taking three 2mg pills today. Even with that, I am having some pretty severe withdrawal symptoms- the worst one being an overwhelming sense of gloom, uselessness, and suicidal thoughts. The entire weight of my exit from the WT organization and the loss of family has landed on my shoulders the last couple of days and I feel like I'm about to crumple.

I understand the mechanics of withdrawal. My logical mind knows what's going on. Unfortunately my logical mind is not the most in charge right now and I have spent the morning crying over the most ridiculous things.

I'm pretty disappointed that doctors prescribe this stuff without providing a plan of action for coming off of it safely. I'm having to navigate this on my own and I don't know if I'm doing it right. I only know that I want to be free from the cloud I'm under.

If any of you have any experience with this drug please chime in. I could use some advise.

KateWild

I am sorry to hear you are having such a terrible time. However I am glad to hear you logic is crying out. It's difficult comming off meds alone, stay on the board and vent about the JW things that are getting you down at the moment. I hope you don't feel like doing anything silly, if you do you must go straight back to your doctors.

Take care of yourself, jwn is open 24/7 for you to talk.

Kate xx

breakfast of champions

I was on dilaudid after shoulder surgery, and it really was the best painkiller - least side effects and most effective in blocking pain. However, I took a much smaller dose for a much shorter period of time than you, and so had no trouble getting off.

I do however have quite extensive experience tapering off other medications and experienced much of what you are right now: clearly irrational emotional swings/thoughts, all the time knowing this wasn't the "real me" talking.

I can't say it gave me true comfort, but thinking about it rationally, realizing that the anxieties/emotions I was facing were not the result of any real threat/fear/situation was somewhat helpful.

From previous experiences tapering off meds, I also knew it wouldn't last forever: I just made myself as comfortable as possible and waited it out.

Watching mindless TV (food network worked well for me) also was a big help. I'm not a big tv watcher for the fact that you're "zoned out" while watching, but it works great when going through this kind of crap.

I know what you're going through sucks, but you'll get through it.

You might even try tapering more slowly - like ridiculously slowly. I became quite an expert in cutting pills myself.

Zoos

Kate, BoC, thank you for the supportive words.

Kate, I don't feel like doing anything silly right now but I have since gotten in touch with a treatment center that specializes in this kind of addiction. I have the hot-line on standby.

BoC, slowing down the rate of chemical decent was the very first thing they suggested. I was going WAY too fast in my enthusiasm to be rid of this.

Here again, I am disappointed with the doctor who prescribed it for at least not giving me a number to call for counseling on this. All he said was that I was going to have withdrawals and gave me a prescription for another 60 pills at half the strength I was taking and told me to step it down.

I had no idea about the side effects. I had to google them. When this depression thing hit me... I mean it was like a ton of bricks and I just knew the only way out was to die.

I feel a little more stable now. I have upped my pills to a more reasonable level, considering where I started, and I now have a plan of action.

Thank you guys for chiming in on this. It means a lot.

Band on the Run

I have experience with much stronger opiates. Pain mgmt saved me. I used to detox at every opportunity. They sat me down and told me not to let other specialists deal with opiates. Every pain mgmt doctor explained that your brain reacts differently when you use opiates for bad pain as opposed to using them for fun and profit. My suggestion would be not to listen to other's peoples biological reactions. Codeine was hard for me. Morphine and methadone were relatively easy. The last drop is the hardest b/c there is no way to split the dose into percentages. My gripe was that I always did at home and it took so long. Clonidine helped me towards the end.

In fact, clonidine was a miracle. I could not live alone on clonidine b/c it affected my short term memory so much. The devils I saw were addiction specialists and psychiatrists. The problem is that you can't find a qualified doctor if you go to a local er. Call them. They chose the specialty. Why suffer?

Hortensia

Wow - I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm glad you got some support and some advice on how to reduce the med safely. I hope you feel better soon.

ABibleStudent

Hi Zoos, If you can, go for a quiet walk and/or talk to some positive non-JW people. Excercise, getting out of my comfort zone, having conversations with postive people, and seeing interesting sights usually make me happier.

Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

Robert

Band on the Run

Yes, distract yourself. Call the doctors. I wish all doctors had to feel what certain meds were like. It sounds as though you need doctors with more knowledge of opiates.

nonjwspouse

I find it amazing how very uneducated Drs really are on the scope of the medications side effects and the withdrawl process they need. My husband once was givvemassive doses of predisone for 8 months. When I found him a new dr he wanted him off asap. I researched the dickens about that drug and found it is extremely important to go VERY VERY extremely slow coming off, and the side effects are much worse when coming off than they are when taking the drug. I believe some of these side effects stuck with him even to this day. Same type of thing happened to my Father. The perscribing Dr knows how to use the drug to treat XYZ but the rest... well... from my experience most haven't got much of an idea about it. I found the pharmacist more helpful to ask ANY questions about drugs. I call the Pharmacist before the Dr when asking about the drugs.

Have only heard of dilaudid being used in the trama unit or Er, I didn't know it was given outside of that.

LisaRose

Have you talked to your doctor or pain clinic about this? They should be able to come up with a plan, you might need to take a different pain med to taper off. I had the same issue with Cymbalta, it's not an opiate but an anti depressant, it was really rough getting off of it, it caused massive mood swings.

I found a few benedryl antihistamine helped take the edge off when I was jumpy, it's very mild.

Meditation was also helpful.

NonJWspouse, the drug companies only have to prove the drug is safe and effective for the condition, the FDA doesn't require anything further, so they don't care what happens to you when you try to get off.

The Dilaudid Delusion

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