what to do when you have a crazy friend? (page 3)

losingit

Quelly-- I won't tell the wife. I do feel so bad for her, though. No woman deserves to be treated like that, especially one with a newborn at home.

Kate-- Yes, she needs help, I've told her she desperately needs to get herself to a therapist, but she's broke and has no health insurance. She quaifies for free health care thru the state but she won't take the time to.apply. There are shelters for women who have suffered from DV but she won't go to find out about their free services either. I'll remind her one more time, but I'm at the end of my rope.

Band on the Run

It annoys me when I care for a friend. One was turned down for rehabiliation services. I once worked for the agency. They turn almost everyne down but if you appeal, chances that you will succeed are good. She is a friend, not a client. I want her to have a zone of privacy so I told her if she started the process, I would help her. She cannot get a piece of paper and write a single sentence. No, better that she starve. If you cannot appeal, how can yu work?

There is a big difference between a friend who vents once in a while and someone who always does it.

LoisLane looking for Superman

I do not know what DV is???

To find a safe haven and get away from my abusive still an elder husband, I had secretly called a Women's Safe Harbor line. My COBE, other elder's offered me nothing but read the WT literature and pray more. They almost spit on me when I told them later, I had help from our cities Abused Women's Shelter.

Cities have Help Lines and Shelters all lined up for those who truly need it. You are screened. You are taken care of. I know.

This is not the Dark Ages. North America is not a Third World country.

If your friend is in need, and truly wants help, true organized help, is just a phone call away.

The why??? of why she is not attempting to get help, puzzles me.

Does she like drama, dysfunction in her life. Does she enjoy being a victim?

OR... Is she playing you???

LoisLane

PS... Oh. I just figured it out. DV = Domestic Violence?

EmptyInside

You know,how some of us are here to fade away from the religion. I'd say it's time to fade away from Hannah.

You're not responsible for her. It seems you have enough going on without her drama added to the mix. She sounds like a person who loves drama,and if there isn't any,she'll make it up.

There are lots of good people out there for friendship. Don't waste your time on someone who will only bring you down. I don't think your being judgmental either. We have to recognize toxic people to protect ourselves and our family.

LisaRose

Just because you are not a JW anymore dies not mean you should not have values, sometimes you should be judgemental, that's why you have judgment in the first place. Dump this drama mama and find friends that have values closer to yours. You should contact the wife and tell her that her husband is cheating on her, she should get tested for any diseases he may have picked up.

Band on the Run

I believe I would want to know in this age of STDs. It certainly is awkward.

losingit

LoisLane-- she can't be playing me bc then she'd be getting something over or from me, which she's not. I do think she does like the drama, lives off the highs and the lows that it provides. It seems to function almost like an intoxicating drug for her.

LisaRose-- yes, I really just want tohave people in my life that are good. You know, friends that don't steal, do drugs, lie like crazy, or visit their lover's wife n baby. People that like to have good times in safe, fun, healthy ways-- ways that don't screw with another's life. All of that requires being judgmental, in a good way, I guess, bc I'm being picky about who I'd like to be associated with.

There's a saying in Spanish-- tell me who you walk with, amd I'll tell you who you are. I really believe that saying is true...

SophieG

"I do think she does like the drama, lives off the highs and the lows that it provides. It seems to function almost like an intoxicating drug for her."

Losingit I think you've discovered the true nature of your friend right there.
Like attracts like and you both had some commonalities. But the lesson is YOU are working towards a healthy life and she is not. She is here to remind you to stay on task and keep your boundaries up against all the negativity and irresponsible behavior she is displaying.

I had a good friend. JW on the edge. We shared the same DV history, and saw the org in the same way. However I moved past my situation and kept trying to help her to make to steps to peace and freedom. She had left him several times. Instead she served divorce papers on her abusing JW spouse, then allowed him to convince her to go to the same counseling which he had vehemently refused to do for years. In a session she admitted to coming close to committing adultery, ended up before the same elders who she had issues with and got herself DFd. Difellowshipping was something she adamantly had issues with. Then she turns around and goes back to abusive mate.

This is where I cold cut her off, not because I do not care for her and that she won't listen to me, but because I'm not going to stand by and watch within under a year the drama starts up with a vengeance, because I know this guy will use her indiscretions to beat her down. He will not change.

Some people are damaged and afraid to take the steps to heal and live. Some women are afraid of being alone. They stay in drama at times because it may be the only thing they know. These people are energy vampires. Cut the cord. You've learned your lesson. Time will teach them theirs.

Also pay close attention early on to people who come into your life. The minute it smells bad it probably is!

Wishing you the very best!

Pete Zahut

There is a difference between being judgemental and being discerning. You aren't labeling anyone or punishing them when you're being discerning. You are simply being perceptive and aware of people and situations you encounter.

In this case I think you already know what you should do...all the signals are there.

The trouble is, back when you were a JW you learned that it wasn't enough to be discerning you also had to put a label ( weak, apostate, Df'd, DA'd) on people and be part of a personal punishment that was handed down to them from a man made authority whether you agreed with it or not.

That isn't the case here. You aren't going to insist that this womans friends and family snub her, you have made a decision that the direction this woman is heading, isn't one that you want to be involved with.

what to do when you have a crazy friend?

Share this