Raising kids - JW mother, agnostic father (page 4)

KateWild

Zana,

You seem to be very pro-active since your son is only 3. Well done for being such a concientious father. I like the point that you make about knowing the members of the cong, especially if your wife wants to make conversation about them. This is also important as JWs are just like any other people and have congregation politics to contend with. It's likely she will open up to you and tell you if something unfair is going on.

Stay on the ball and try and use any injustice she brings up to convince her this is dangerous cult, and that the Org is full of injustices of the worst kind.

As her husband is not an elder she may be vulnerable to injustices within the cong.

Kate xx

jgnat

Baptism is big of course. I plan on setting the rule that they can decide about that not before their 18th birthday. What opposition will I face here? When somebody pressures them they can always blame me and my rule. - zana

I have observed that Witnesses will to to any lengths - including going behind their loved-one's back - to arrange baptism for a willing candidate. I suggest you insist on being there, to be part of the momentous day, and you would consider it a grevious slight if the baptism was done without your involvement. Then shoot for eighteen.

Your child will be pressured directly, as all their Witness friends will be baptized by then.

vanyell

@losingit.. I'm in the Philippines. No divorce except for annulment. If annulment goes through, I'll still provide financial support for the kids, but then wife might have to start to go to work. (Right now, she's a housewife). Yes, she does know of my plans to annul the marriage. BTW, what do you mean by "a fighting chance to start fresh after separation?"

Frazzled UBM

Zana

I am sorry but I have to say I think you are being a bit naive and are engaging in rationalisations to think that you can make compromises and still have control. Unless your wife abandons the belief in Armageddon and the WBTS GB as Jehovah's spirit-directed FDS, she will do everything she can to bring them up in the Truth and get them baptized as soon as possible including tricking you (don't be surprised when your son or daughter comes home from an Assembly at the age of 14 and says to you "Oh Dad by the way, I got baptized today - sorry I didn't tell you beforehand.") When my wife starting indoctrinating my son I started to read stories like lucky72's (thank you lucky72 and those like you who woke me up to my responsiblities as a father in this situation) and decided I was not going to be like lucky72's Dad and have my son and myself regret later in his life that I had allowed my wife to take the running on his religious upbringing.

You can only protect them by doing the following: (1) absolutely limiting the exposure of your kids to indoctrination material; (2) actively and openly explaining to them that what the WBTS teaches is not true and that they don't need to worry about Armageddon and Jehovah because they are not real; (3) actively and openly teach your kids critical thinking skills; and (4) get your wife to slowly wake up and realise Armadgeddon is not going to happen ever and so she doesn't need to get the kids baptized.

Good luck from your fellow UBM Fraz

Giordano

Since the JW's have no children's programs I don't see any reason to expose a young child (if ever) to the Kingdom Hall let alone a teenager. They are too anti education, anti community, anti holidays anti just about everything. Why expose a child to that?

At the age of 18 he can pick a church if that's what he wants to do. That was the rule for my son. No meetings ever. No literature. Of course my wife was out so there was no conflict. However we had to be constantly on guard with close JW relatives.

Religions exist because parents hardwire their young children to accept the notion that there is a god .....their god. It is expected that one's child will believe as the parents believe.

In the JW's case shunning is another big issue. It is a life time punishment that has destroyed families. You wife knows this but being DF is not a big deal until it happens to one's family. if your son becomes a baptized witness and is DF she will not be allowed to speak to him after he leaves home....ever. If he grows up to be a witness and your wife is DF for one of 32 different reasons he will not be allowed to talk to her when he longer lives at home.

A shout out to Lucky72........ good job.

roberto avon

Hi Zana,

it was really nice reading you and finally find someone, maybe far away from where I live ( Italy ) who lives a similar situation like my wife and I.

I am very happy ( i think my wife also ) that after almost 27 years my 3 children didn't want to join the religion of my wife ( she is also very liberal ).

I have read all the comments and agree with a lot of people that commented but maybe I am one of the few that can say that I succeeded to keep them out of the cage.

First of all it is very important that you love your wife and that you will accept that if one of your kids wants to be a Jw you have to accept it, like I would have accepted it.

We always had open discussions about the Jws and very carefully I showed my wife about the Watchtowers believings and doctrines that were wrong, of course with the magazines and the books of the Watchtower.

Blood was never a problem because she wanted me ( as a jw ) to decide ( and she knew that for me it was nonsense ).

When she told the kids the biblebook stories I told them the Grimm and Andersen stories not to compete but just to be a loving father.

At 5 my daughter wanted a birthday cake and I bought her one. At 7 or 8 she wanted a birthday party with her friends and so I organized. Can you immagine a 2 mts tall guy dancing the macarena with 10 little girls? Yes I did it.

Everytime we discussed a Wt doctrine I told them very carefully my point of view.

As you are doing, we also used tomsped Christmas with my parents ( living far away from us ) but after some years we didn't go anymore and my daughter asked for a Christmas Tree and so I bought one for her.

Be carefull for the " sisters " that will visit your wife because when they will have the occasion they will tell your kids that they will be destroyed if they don't accept the religion of the Jws.

They did with my son and he had a lot of nightmares.

I told my wife that I didn't want these kind of sisters to come anymore and she respected it.

So now and then there may be some special elder that wants to covert you, your kids and push your wife to do more in field service and in these occasions you have to be very strong and keep them out of your private life.

Another point is education, education!!! The school in Italy helped me a lot because the creation theory is considered " nonsense."

Highschool and University education is very important. Maybe I can advise you to be not to negative towards this cult.

To be honest just love your wife and kids and let them have the possibilty to grow up like all the other kids and than it is up to them

jgnat

Excellent work roberto avon! You walked the tightrope, demanding respect for your positon while not degrading her religion. I bet you have an eagle eye out for interfering sisters! How dare they give a little boy nightmares!

roberto avon

JGNAT

you're right but to be honest I was also lucky because my oldest daughter who now is an atheist ( she says, but yesterday she went to the movies to see Noah somi guess she is just agnostic as I am ) and helped me a lot in detecting these stupid sisters ( of course there are also good sisters ).

My wife and I go along very well but I still do not trust the Jws and this is the reason why I am here.

I compare them to al qaeda cells, they sleep for 15 years and all the sudden they speak to a family member or friend of yours that are, maybe, facing a difficult moment promising a solution for all the problems.

The rest you know..

cultBgone

Roberto, I love it:

I compare them to al qaeda cells, they sleep for 15 years and all the sudden they speak to a family member or friend of yours that are, maybe, facing a difficult moment promising a solution for all the problems.

Hahaha, what a superb analogy! And a bit scary, too.

(((hugs))) to you and your family

roberto avon

cultbgone

I agree that it is a bit scary. Good night ( it's 11 pm in Italy )

Raising kids - JW mother, agnostic father

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