How to tell the wife?

jimbojones

Born in here and have been awake to TTATT for 3 months now and keeping it to myself is killing me. I do not want to DA as I have many close friends and family in.

I'm note sure how the wife will take it. We have been inactive for months now, both discouraged. I do not want to force her to quit, she can investigate and learn things on her own. So really I'm wondering what approach is best. Come full out or subtlw hints? Or say I'm having problems with some of the teachings and praying about it? She may join me or it may be a marriage ender. Thanks.

NAVYTOWN

Just ask her opinion about various JW topics. Like: 'Honey, what do you REALLY think about the new donation arrangement??'. Let her answer and then you'll know how to proceed. She can't really fault you for asking for her opinion. If she asks for your opinion, you could say: 'I'm really conflicted about it. It's hard to know what to think. That's why I asked you about it'. Anyway, that's just one possible approach. It will give you insights about how she feels, without you saying anything that might freak her out. Good luck!!

Beth Shan

What worked in helping to support a family member who left was saying things like:

"No, I would never go on an apostate site. I do however visit recovery sites, those are different."

"I love you unconditionally no matter what you believe and no matter what you decide to do."

Ignoranceisbliss

I'm in the same situation as you except we r both active not discouraged at all. I already let her know I have issues with the blood and shunning issues. That didn't go over well. The next time I'm gonna go with this approach.

"Babe, your my best friend. This is really bothering me. There is no one else that I can talk to about this. Will you please discuss this with me ... Yadda yadda yadda..."

this will all be done with a very hurt depressed spirit on my part.

ruderedhead

NAVYTOWN had a good suggestion. Try that. Move slowly and with a purpose. One subject at a time. Have all your facts as you broach each subject so you can counter arguments.

And please have things planned for all meeting times so you can keep her away from the meetings as much as possible.

Fernando

Many seem to agree from personal experience that dumping (too much too soon) is a definite no-no.

Similarly there seems to be consensus that patient and thoughtful questions work best.

This way the person has time to chew and digest, without having stuff rammed down their throat.

Our family found that private study and discussion of the liberating and healing unabridged gospel message (full Good News), in the wt library, and especially according to Paul, gradually helped us beat our addiction to Watchtower apostasy (legalism, moralism, doctrinal ethnocentrism, supremacist religious Gnosticism). It is the same thing that empowered many persons like Martin Luther, Ray Franz, and Nelson Mandela.

DesirousOfChange

When my head and my heart were still part of it all, I had some heart-wrenching doubts that were depressing me. My wife could see it. I discussed it with her with the approach of: "I don't know how to reconcile "this" with "this". How can "this" happen and it really be Holy Spirit, etc etc. They were issues that I could no longer rationalize in my mind. I could no longer make excuses for the Organization. Neither could she. By sincerely asking for an answer on issues where there are NO answers, rather than making "apostate statements", she was less likely to slip back into her cult personality because she was trying to find a rational answer. Only to discover one doesn't exist.

Doc

bigmac

i was in my early 20's when i " told" my wife. we were out on the door to door "work"--we were walking across a river bridge. i said i'm not going to do any more doorknocking---and threw my briefcase into the river.

it floated.

she was stunned. the marriage somehow survived another 10 years after that---although i did go along to the occasional meeting--just to stop those looks from her.

i dont suggest you try this method.

badcompany

Bigmac - That is CLASSIC! Wish I had done the same...get straight to the point.

clearpoison

This worked for me

1. I do not find it reasonable to try to convince her that there is fault in her religion. It is her faith and I have mine.

2. I told her that I have issues but do not want to discuss about it directly. I proposed that I tell my views in a letter and she can read it at convenient time.

3. I wrote my letter, telling the whole thruth about my thinking and that I will still love and respect her. I encouraged her to respond with letter rather than taking risk for oral dispute.

4. She did respond after which we then had a discussion in stress-free setting.

CP

How to tell the wife?

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