Any strategies to deal with elders who just don't like you? (page 2)

The Searcher

The Watchtower overseer DELIBERATELY avoided taking my answer 4 times today for paragraph 2. Each time, the mic attendant came over to me expecting me to be asked to comment. When the overseer thought he'd beaten me down, he asked for a comment on John 13:34, 35 - brilliant!!!

That's exactly what my comment was about, and nobody put their hand up except me!! Gotcha!!

You could hear the disgust in his voice as he said, "Brother Searcher please".

It's their little kingdom, after all - they make the rules!!

jambon1

Tell them to **** right off.

OnTheWayOut

You have some good answers here. Go and do the right things when it comes to helping people and don't bother kissing the elders' asses.

Don't show up at meetings for "field service," don't comment, don't do any of the bathroom cleaning or lawn mowing. Don't be concerned at all with the elders and the normal things they expect brothers to do to climb the ladder.

Imminent1975

Toto555, you bring up a good subject, basically about bullying. I have been in your situation with elders that didn't like my family, or didn't like my dad etc. It can be difficult.

I've got an older brother who is a bully. He is an elder in the Christian Congregation. WuWooo. Over the years I've tried to be nice and treat him not just fairly, but equally, and all I've ever gotten was a kick in the butt, (Literally, when I was 10 or 11.), character assasination, lies, and slandered. This doesn't sound peaceful, but the way I NOW deal with Bullies, (Once it is evident that is their MO), is to administer an immediate, exponential to their own actions, a reply that teaches them that if they screw with me, it will be painful somehow, someway.

My mom always told me to show the love card, demonstrate spiritual qualities, etc. which basically only emplowered and enabled the bully, and made me even more wimpyer, and appear weak. Over the years I have reconsidered my actions, and see that not all things can be dealt with Biblical/Jesus peace. Even King David had times when he stood up for himself and saddled his horse and went to kick some butt. There was no "waiting" on Jehovah, "saddle up boys, where going to kick some butt".

I know of one situation where the publisher, (woman) had asked to meet with the problem elder with a elder that they felt would be fair and objective to listen. (Matt 18:15) The publisher just laid it all out how it appeared that the elder was not showing Christlike love to the brotherhood, especially her, not acting like a sheppard. She didn't let anything go, and when he was called on the rug about it and it was known by another elder, he didn't change his attitude about her, but he left her alone.

Fernando

The Pharisees have their identity and destiny.

You have yours.

And they are opposite.

Plus irreconcilable.

And irreformable.

So clarify and pursue your identity and let them pursue theirs.

Meaning go your separate ways in peace.

Our family decided to let the Phairsees embrace religion, whilst we embraced and pursued the liberating, healing, clarifying and full Good News instead.

stillin

Kill 'em with kindness.

Refer to something that you "studied" about or had made a matter of prayer.

Make a comment about the spirituality of the congregation, positive, if you can think of one.

or how fine a talk was. some of them really do work on it.

Ignore the digs with a pleasant manner.

KateWild

I am a confident woman who always says what's on my mind. Low and behold the elders didn't like me. It happens everywhere, elders are not appointed by holy spirit. If you are not part of their clique they don't want to involve you in their secret club. Some of them relish in their power so much they don't want to share their power. Family members usually get preferencial treatment.

This is a cult and many elders get appointed because of their bad qualities such as sucking up to the elders and the CO. Some good, nice and caring men are appointed and realise they can do little to change the bad that is on the body, they see the politics and can't make things better for the publishers.

This is a cult, it is run badly and causes harm to it's members. You are being harmed by nepotism, favouritism and the threat of shunning. It's unacceptable that you are going through this but the best you can do is formulate an exit plan that does you the least amount of damage.

take care

Kate xx

DJS

Kate,

Ditto. Well stated.

compound complex

A belated welcome, toto555!

So many excellent thoughts are presented here.

'Kill them with kindness,' as stillin said and gave examples of worked for me. Little drops of water -- continually -- did the trick. Like The Searcher, I was overlooked constantly at Q&A sessions, even if mine was the only hand raised. Veiled comments about me, too, came from the platform. A trusted friend was warned by a particular few not to talk to me.

Now I laugh!

I'm in a different hall now and the lovebombing I get is genuine and heartfelt. I love these people -- I need community -- and I've decided that crazy doctrine and weird rules and regulations will not again separate me from family and lifelong friends.

Best regards.

CoCo

piztjw

I have found a well placed F--- You! under my breath as I walk by certain arrogant wankers to work well. And when I get asked about it I just reply, "I did?" The uptick changes the entire meaning of those two words. And I didn't "lie".

Meanwhile do everything you can to show care, comapassion, and genuine fellow feeling for the ones who are elderly, handicapped, poor, or otherwise not worthy of the eldurrs time. You will have more people pulling for you than against you that way. And you will also feel much more christian in the long run.

Any strategies to deal with elders who just don't like you?

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