My Story

by objectivetruth 24 Replies latest jw experiences

objectivetruth

I'm 30 years old, and I was raised in the Organization, my parents and grandparents are witnesses.

I grew up in a small town, and due to boredom or ADHD or rebellion, I never took 2 minutes to look into the Religion.. I always went to meetings and field service. My parents were regular, but never "Super-Witnesses" so it was always the thing we did (meetings and service) not much more and nothing less.

The congregation, that I grew up in was for the most part friendly and enjoyable.. Small towns, are very unique and they cannot be compared to larger city congregations.. I honk that they are a living and breathing organism, depending on the coordinators personality, so goes the personality of the congregation. Thi king back, most of the people in the town that I grew up were good people, just simple hard working & honest people..

I really long for the innocence, of the time when this was the truth, and there were no worries.. Driving to the conventions at 3 AM with my dad and another brother, them slicing meat, me sneaking around the halls of the College, getting into all kinds of things.

Conventions were a really special time for me..

When I was young me and my friends would run around, messing around, Pulling pranks on people, getting into forbidden areas.. Running in the hall ways. My dad used to work in the food department, so I was able to stay in the warehouse / receiving area all convention playing with friends. Then as a teenager, I meet a new girl at the convention every year, and she was my Dream girl for the next year, until the following convention.. Staying in hotels and playing with friends in the Pool is one of my fondest memories, and was one of the best times of my life.. I like hotels to this day because of this memory, but that inocent beauty and purity will never return.

Another fond memory was Quick Builds.. Driving to remote parts of the state was always an adventure, and being a kid this was also an adventure, I admired the brothers so much, they and my dad were my heroes.. Quick Builds as I got older too became a great place to meet new girls (Yikes! Lol)

As a teenager, I began to Regular Pioneer, this too was jus. Another adventure.. There was nothing spiritual about it.. The only spiritual aspect was, perhaps that I felt good works would out weigh bad works.

I pioneered, for a few years, and then left For work.

At about 18, I started to date a Mormon girl, it was really really surreal.. We had so much in common, and we really hit it off.. (the Whole time me thinking, it could never work out because she was in a false religion.) Religion, didn't get in our way, and we had a lot of moral and fun times. This relationship was abruptly cut short, when her fiancé returned from missionary : (

After this I moved to another state and a bigger city , and this is when things changed..

I don't much feel like, finishing this story.l but I will finish it some other time.
clarity

Well thank you for that part of your story...glad

that you did have a pretty good childhood!

Nice writing Objectivetruth.
millie210

I agree, you write well. I look forward to hearing the rest of your story!
exwhyzee

Thanks for sharing your story objectivetruth. The saying "you can't go home again" comes to mind when reading your recollections of growing up as a JW. No matter what situation a person was in, as a kid, they almost always manage to find something to look back upon, fondly. Even children who grew up in abusive homes and during war time manage to eke out a bit of fun for themselves of find something that makes their existence bearable. The one ordinary little thing that was good in their life, becomes a strong lifelong memory and can often be the very thing that kept them sane.

Sometime we idealize the experiences of our childhood. If you'd have grown up as a Mormon or in a family that (for example) campaigned heavily for the Democratic party or that ran a soup kitchen for the homeles, you would now be looking back fondly on all those nice people you met, the places you went or the experiences you had during that time, rather than on your JW related memories as you do now. The thing to remember is that just because you are able to look back on your past with such fondness, doesn't mean you need to go back there to be happy again, or that it was necessarily the right path for you to continue on, for an entire lifetime.

A lot of us can look back on our highschool days with fondness but towards the end of them, we wanted to move on and even though we have fond memories of those days, we wouldn't want to go back to them. If we were somehow able to, we would soon realize that it's better to hold memories than to relive them. Sometimes it's enough to be thankful we are able to find something good about our past . justas you are able to

Relating these stories can sometimes be quite draining...hopefully you will be able to find the energy to continue with yours. So far....so good.
objectivetruth

Thanks Guys.. Life is really weird, and.... ?

I was just remeiniscing the other night, looking at pictures of friends, and picnics & my wife and I at conventions.

The religion, becomes your anchor - 2 Nights a week Meetings, Once per week service, etc.

Now that it's gone I find my self thinking.. "Maybe I'm over exaggerating, maybe I can just go back and be with my friends and family, maybe with my new perspective, things will be ok.

And then I'll look at the weeks, study material and read some thing like "The one & only true religion" and then I remember why, can never go back.. I have no idea how some people do it (Not Judging them) but to hear lies, and manipulation is so disgusting I could never do it.

exwhy - you're right if I were Mormon, or catholic I would have the same fond memories of youth. Maybe I don't miss the Naive view that at I posessed about the religion.. Maybe I just mist the InnocenCE of being a child.
objectivetruth

Ok here goes..

Once I moved to Florida, at 19, my view of the world changed. Sure I had my share of trouble personally in the Past.. Florida opened my eyes to something else, something that I was troubled by.

Not only was I raised in a small town, I had a relatively sheltered upbringing (Even for a JW).

Once i I had been in Florida for a few years, I began making new friends in South Florida & Jacksonville.. the first event that stands out to me is a House Party in Jacksonville, a few friends and I went to this party, and as I walked into the house.. It was packed, people everywhere dancing and yelling and drinking. 20 Years old (Underage OMG!!!) I was brought to the bathroom, where there was a Bathtub full of liquor and beer, I was invited to drink anything I wanted. After about 2 hours at this party... There was a knock on the door, people scattered everywhere! Brothers ran out the back jumped over the fence, others went into bedrooms and hid. I thought "what is going on".

The cops were called because of the Loud Music, those witnesses that did not get away, were all asked to come outside and line up for a sobriety test. I decided not to drink that night, so I was safe, after the cop checked me over.. I sat on a curb watching the spectacle.

About 40 Witnesses of varying ages were all lined up beside a cop car, each in their turn had to pull out their ID and do some sort of Sobriety Test.. I thought to myself "What a disgrace on Jehovah all of these witnesses drunk and under age, opening up their wallets to pull out their Id's as their Blood card flashes.

About 15 kids were arrested, and many others had their parents called and they had to go home shamefully.

Shortly after this the Party Resumed, a fight broke out in the back yard of the house, there were 2 or 3 brothers physically fighting 2 or 3 others.. After I helped to break it up I said "WHY DONT WE RESUME THIS FIGHT AFTER WE ALL SEE EACH other AT THE KINGDOM HALL TOMORROW".. I was no saint, but I was really dissapoineted, by this overt display of "Worldliness".. I still had a fairy tale perspective of the Organization.

This all didn't "stumble" me.. But it was a start of things to come in the Nefarious state of FL.
exwhyzee

Maybe I just mist the InnocenCE of being a child.

Exactly...I think we all do miss it in some form or another. Maybe just to satisfy your curiosity you can attend an assembly where you don't know anyone. You'd really find out what your true feelings are about the experience when you attend an assembly that is free of the influence of friends and family with whom you have emotional ties. It might be like watching a movie in a theater alone where you get so much more out of it because you aren't concerned about anyone elses opinion other than your own.
objectivetruth

Exwhy - My wife & I attended this years Memorial.. That is the last witness event we will ever attend. Once your eyes are opened, it's all too sick and weird to return to.
objectivetruth

Then a few years passed, there was a lot of Partying & a lot of Girls, and a gradual degradation, of Purity.. I was, not a good person in my early 20's, and unfortunately I developed a Bad Habit.. Many times I would meet a Girl, or a Guy, and I would test them. Through testing people I discovered that humans are all the same.. We all try so hard to put forth a certain exterior appearance, but when it really comes down to it were all so weak and susceptible to temptation, the Holier someone seems, the darker they are on the inside (Often).

As a witness in good standing, it came to the point that I was almost Godless, while I was never an Atheist, I viewed my relationship with God in a strictly Black & White manner.. If I'm good I go to Paradise / If I'm bad, I die in Armageddon.. I reasoned , if I'm bad, I might as well be Bad.

When I was about 23 things got really rough, I started sleeping around with another witness Girl..

I wanted to stop, and I felt bad about it, so I went to the Elders to confess.. I was honestly expecting some tyoe of "Spiritual Rejuvenation".. lol what did I get instead.. "Try and stay away from her"... Oh and BTW we need to privately reprove you.

Obviously with no spiritual interaction what so ever I didn't stop.. I continued in Imorality, and 6 Months later I went to The Elders Again.. Maybe THIS TIME, they would give me words of wisdom, and help me correct my wayward course.. Nope, more of the same " You should keep away from Her (It was all her, she was seducing Innocent me according to them) . And BTW your Publically Reproved... 6 Months later the father of my girlfriend decided that we needed to see the Elders, I meet with the Elders a 3rd time, and this time they had some AWESOME ADVICE "If you can't stay away from her, Marry Her!" ... And BTW you're disfellowshipped.

So I was DF'd, at first I thought what a disgrac.. It was a really enlightining time period. No longer having friends or family, I immersed myself in Work in the Day & Partying at night. You see the thing with being DF'd is you're told that your are Dead to God, he doesn't hear you, see you or want you, only when your Reinstated can you resume, your relationship with God, So as a 24 year old Guy, I made the most of this lie/misconception.

This is when I meet my second non witness Girl Friend.. She wasn't Mormon but she was raised Omish! I meet her at a strip Club. As she gave me a Lap Dance, she told me the Sad Stories of Omish shunning, and I related the sad stories of JW Shunning.

After dating her for about a month, I invited her to a Meeting.. she agreed. When I went to pick her up, I saw that she was wearing Pants!! I said oh no you have to wear Meeting Clothes, haha.. She changed into a dress and we went to meeting.

I don't remember what the Meeting was about, but I remember micpxed feelings.. On one hand I was proud to bring a fine girl to the meeting with me, but on the other hand I was worried that the witnesses were Judging me, and looking at the butterfly Tatoo on her Foot! Throughout the meeting she kept going "mm-hmm" "yep" haha weird times indeed.

We saw each other for a few months, and Believe it or not we did not, mess around at all.. Who would have thought a DF'd & a Shunned Omish Stripper, not fornicating and having tons of Children.
objectivetruth

I remained friends, with this Girl, but the Witness girl and I eventually got back together. After about 4 months of me being DF'd her and I started to see each other again.. BUT there was Hope, only 2 months more and I could write my first letter!

The witness girl and I were not Moral, but I though to my self... " If I stay DF'd I will continue leading a debauched life, however if I get reinstated I'll at least have the support of my friends and Family..

I wrote my letter at Exactly the 6 month mark, when that very week I had slept with my witness GF.

In the reinstatement meeting, my repentance was clear to the Brothers .... After all I Had read the insight book, or something like that when I was out.. The Brothers rejoiced that I had repented of my sins.. And they Reinstated me!

About 3 weeks after my reinstatement announcement was read, some "Information" came to light, and the Elders discovered that i wasn't %100 honest in my last hearing.. Hmm I guess my reinstatement was invalid : ( They have those in the Elders. Book right? Needless to say.. I was given some more excellent advice "Stay away from her!" They Disfellowshioped me for a 1 and a halfth time.

My Story

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