Scared I'll Never be Happy Again

by Stumbeline 26 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Fernando

  Welcome Stumbeline

  In my experience part of the stage you are going through sounds like "identity crisis".

  It is perfectly natural given where we have come from (a deceptive and high control environment).

  What about finding a good Psychologist who will not pressure you into taking psychoactive, synthetic, addictive and iatrogenic medicine?

  Once you clarify who you are and what you believe, some big hurdles to happiness will have melted away.

  If you choose a Spiritual But Not Religious path, I would highly recommend the unabridged gospel according to Paul (especially in Romans and Galatians) as summarised in the 5 solas (of the reformation).

  Best wishes on the journey.
• 

  Make Lemonade

  Welcome. You have taken a good step by reaching out. Many here can encourage you. Especially the ones who have similar experiences. You can see by the comments above that many here can and will help and support you. Please protect your physical and mental health during this difficult time you are experiencing. So many have hurt themselves by trying to gain relief from the pain thru drugs, alcohol, and whatever. In the long run these types of self-medication only add to the pain.

  Explore more healthy ways to cope with what you are feeling. I have watched friends self-destruct by drugs, alcohol, crime, rave parties, etc.. On the other side of the coin I have watched friends make a recovery form all of these things, and then finally deal with the root causes. Many have benefited by professional help. The ones who find their way free from the "dark side" of life have done very well for themselves. It makes me believe you can do the same.

  My wife has found employment at a hospital. She is associating with doctors, nurses, social workers, and others who are happy with their life and work. I have seen the positive atmosphere for myself. A wonderful life style outside the "borg" can been found. When we do not try, then we are not going to get results. Only when we try can you expect to find the answer. Reaching out to those who have traveled the road you are on now, will allow you to not have to repeat their mistakes. Also, they can give you a more direct route to achieve peace, joy, and happiness.

  Peace to you
• 

  Oubliette

  Stumbeline: I lack such a feeling of home and belonging. I have a few friends I can talk to now, but no one I can really pour my heart out to or who would even understand the situation on the level that I'm feeling it.

  The feelings of isolation that come with being disfellowshipped are very painful. I understand, in fact, many of us here understand how you feel. We've been there, we've felt it.

  It hurts, it really does. But it gets better.

  I don't know where to go or what to do. Either I cut myself completely from the life I built up...including the close bond with my family members, or I go back and pretend that I accept everything and believe it's the truth when i don't.

  Actually, you can never go back. Those of us that did manage to get reinstated to try and maintain relationships with family and/or friends all discovered this equally painful truth: you can never go back. It will never be the same. You know TTATT and, although you can pretend to believe, you don't believe it anymore. You can't unlearn what you've learned.

  People will sense this even if they don't know why. None of your former friendships will ever be the same. This is why you need to move on, hard as that is. But you know this ...

  I finally realized that my life can never be the same again and it scares me to death.

  It is scary. But you won't die, at least not from the fear of the unknown. While it's true that your "live can never be the same," it's also true that this is not necessarily a bad thing. For most of us it has been a very good thing!

  Welcome to the beginning of the rest of your life. You are now in control, at least as much as any of us are ever in control. But now it's up to you. You aren't part of a high-control, authoritarian religious cult which controls every part of your life and dictates not only WHAT you do, but WHO you are.

  Now you will find that there are people that will love you for WHO you are and not for WHAT you (pretend to) believe.

  Take heart. You can do this.

  Oubliette
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  KateWild

  Thank you for your post, and your openess. I feel the same way some days. It's a constant struggle, I am fearful of the future too. But I do have some blessings, so I keep reminding myself of these. But it still hurts. The abuse runs deep. I tried to get RI'd 5 times and atteneded all the meetings for over a year, they just kept saying no, then I learned TTATT and realised I had no where to go. I have been trying to build a life ever since. It has not been without challenges.

  Kate xx
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  JWdaughter

  Stumbeline,

  You don't have to follow the JW line of what an ex or apostate JW is. You don't have to drink, smoke or hook up with anyone if that is not really what you want to be doing.

  Get the therapy recommended, but mostly start building LIFE. Get your education started, or at least employment-start moving in the direction you wish to go. Join a book club or a hiking group or a dining club or something that interests you. A wine club or a puppy training class (ok, you need a dog for that!). Start exploring your natural interests, go to a book reading, take up swimming or tennis. . . stay physically fit-it will support everything else.

  Don't long for a life you never wanted just because it is familiar. Fix your settings so your mom isn't going to see anything that you don't want her to see on FB.

  Please don't fall into a pit. Thats what they want. Even your mom wants you miserable and devastatedso that being a JW looks good in comparison. DON'T PLAY THAT GAME.They will win.

  Best wishes.
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  Phaedra

  FIND YOUR WORK - stop wallowing in idleness and do something to improve yourself mentally, intellectually. Start a new journey.

  Lots of great support and advice here ~ once outside the JW bubble you are now free to be who you are and create a worthwhile life for yourself.

  Once you get beyond your rebellion stage, the world is your oyster. Remember: time is precious and you can't get any of it back, so spend it wisely.

  We're here for you,

  Phae
• 

  Hairtrigger

  Hello Stumbline,

  I sympathize with how you feel. We all go through a period of self examination where we feel we are worthless. And drifting. And guilty for no apparant reason. Thats the collateral damage that accompanies giving up the former lifestyle within the cult. And it needs to be sucked up.

  Heres a poem that helped me so much that it became my pillar, my backbone. Also it made a loner out of me. Standing alone makes you the strongest.I hope you like poetry. Please read and I hope it strengthens you.

  Rudyard Kipling
  If

  If If you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you; If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too; If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies, Or, being hated, don't give way to hating, And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise; If you can dream - and not make dreams your master; If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim; If you can meet with triumph and disaster And treat those two imposters just the same; If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to broken, And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools; If you can make one heap of all your winnings And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginnings And never breath a word about your loss; If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew To serve your turn long after they are gone, And so hold on when there is nothing in you Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on"; If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch; If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you; If all men count with you, but none too much; If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds' worth of distance run - Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it, And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!
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  NAVYTOWN

  Hello, Your post was very honest and sincere. I would recommend going to places where you can meet intelligent, friendly and open- minded people. One place you might check out, if there is one where you live, is a Unitarian church. It's the EXACT opposite of the JWs. There is no dogma or belief system you must adhere to. You are free to discover your OWN beliefs that fit who YOU are. The topics are very diverse and interesting. At my local church we have speakers from a variety of faith and non-faith traditions. You won't be pressured to join or conform. You can wear whatever you like....no strict dress code like the JWs. Anyway, just a suggestion based on my experiences. I wish you the best.
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  jgnat

  Yes you will be happy again. People who radically change their environment go through phases. Freeze-Unfreeze-Uncertainty-Change-Re-freeze. You are living the uncertain part where everything is up in the air. This is a temporary condition. Are you building a new social network?
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  skeeter1

  You are going through the "I'm a stranger in a strange world" stage.