As most of you know, Neil and I have been engaged for about two weeks now. I was surprised and thrilled to hear him ask and am looking forward to spending my life with my best friend. For those of you who don't know Neil personally, he's really the best thing to ever happen to me!
My Uncle Darrell, whom I'm very close to, was the first to hear about it. Darrell and I are closer than my parents and I ever were - I actually call him my Uncle Dad. Neil spoke with him to ask for my hand in marriage, not my father. Of course, Darrell knows firsthand that Neil is a wonderful and loving person and approved of the engagement wholeheartedly! I've also asked him to give me away at the wedding, which he has agreed to do.
Well, I've been agonizing over the last two weeks about how I'm going to break the engagement news to my JW parents. I know they won't approve and I'm pretty sure they won't come to the wedding. Well, after lots of prayer and guidance from friends and Neil's family, I finally broke the news to my father tonight.
I called him after church on my way to Neil's family's house. (We were about to watch the season finale of X-Files together! Woohoo!) I told him the news, bracing myself to be railed about "screwing up another man's life". (For those that don't know, this will be my second marriage.) But instead, I got a "Wow. You're getting married?" It was in a tone of surprise, but not disappointed surprise.
"Yes, dad. He asked me and I said yes. The wedding will be in October. I've done a lot of praying about it and really want you and Mom to be there."
Silence, but I continue:
"I know you won't come unless there are some things about the ceremony that I adhere to. So I'd like to find out from you what those stipulations might be."
(I had fully anticipated that they wouldn't come if the wedding were in a church, which it probably won't be anyway. I've also considered they may not come if the ceremony is performed by a minister. So plans to have a non-church wedding with a justice of the peace has been carefully considered by Neil and I.)
So after another "Wow." Dad begins by saying: "I know you understand that Mom and I can't come if you get married in a church."
I said, "I know. I've understood that from the beginning."
"If it were in a Kingdom Hall it wouldn't be an issue, but we both know that's probably not going to happen." He's not his usual sarcastic self, he seems very thoughtful and reflective in his words, yet kind.
I smile and think, "Wow. This is going WAY better than I planned."
I asked:
"Do you have any suggestions or requirements for how the ceremony is performed?"
I can hear some people talking to Dad in the background, knowing he was getting pulled away. I had called him on his cell and could tell he wasn't at home, although I don't exactly know what he was doing or whom he was with. He was busy telling them he was on the phone with his daughter. But when he got back on the phone he said:
"Honey, I'm sorry I can't talk now, but this is something I really need to think about okay? Can I call you back about this later?"
I said it was fine, but asked when I might hear from him again.
He said, "I'll call you no later than tomorrow."
I said okay. We said our good-byes and hung up.
I know some of you are thinking this conversation is pretty bland and boring. But for those of you that know my history with my father, this conversation is a pretty awesome breakthrough. It's been months, perhaps even years since I've talked to my father without animosity in the conversation. Usually, it's him being sarcastic and me being snotty back and then both of us hanging up - me usually in tears and depressed for a month or two.
So all of this to say, "Yay! Had a decent civil convo with Dad today! Woohoo!" LOL! But I hope they do soften enough to come to my wedding. I would love for them to meet their SIL and his family. I think it would make a great impression on them to realize that us pagan Christendom Christians really don't have hooves and horns. Haha!
Anyways, thanks for indulging me...I'll keep you updated once (if?) I hear back from him!
Love,
Andi
PS: Thank you for your well-wishes and cyber love. Y'all are becoming the family I lost so long ago!