by Londo111 16 Replies latest jw friends
http://www.eqi.org/invalid.htm
Of course, being in a cult and the shunning that comes from leaving it is invalidating.
But how many times have we heard "move on" or "get over it"? That is a prime example of invalidation.
Sometimes this forum, as well as others, can be a mixed bag of validation and invalidation.
I think most can relate to many of the points made at that link!
Thanks I will take a longer look at it.
SW
Nobody can truly move on till they clear themselves of the
years of propaganda and programming and for those who
really believed its more difficult, than for those who were in
by association only, like born-ins . There are deep "hooks" people retain.
The feelings are around a loss of "home" or what they thought was
there "place of safety" its around the idea there " is no other place to go"
These feelings are rooted in the belief that the "Organization/Society" is really
backed by God and your only true connection to God. Until you can dismantle
the fundmental teachings, (and I don't mean just abandoning them) I mean
really seeing they are false in every sort of way, not Biblical, not related to
"truth" of any kind. The book Crisis of Conscience, eased a lot of minds,.
Reading the Watchtowers, Finished Mystery, published in 1917, and
still bragged about as the Societies 'proof' they were the Faithful and Discreet Slave,
just reading page 230 or page 93, of that book, should free up a lot of minds
for those who really believed its more difficult, than for those who were in by association only, like born-ins - VG
The two are not mutually exclusive. I was born-in and I really believed.
Cofty - I apologize - a generalization based on comments I read from born-ins.
But of course you are right - born-ins could be the most "hooked" of all and delicate
fragile minds to unravel from the web of the Borg. We need to tread carefully
and it takes restraint to try to see things from their point of view and find the
crack in the wall they have built up, that will let some enlightenment shine in,
and lead them to liberty and peace.
Yes, I feel there are people who tried to invalidated my experience by telling me things like "it's not that bad" "get over it " etc.
I realised that just because they don't get it, that doesn't invalidate me as a person.
I hope I don't need someone else to "validate " my experience as much as I used to. If I know the truth, that should be all that ultimately matters.
I also hope I don't need someone else's permission to feel anymore.
But I will admit it is a work in progress.
Vailidation should come from within.That's my goal anyway.
Yes! Often posts on here offer invalidation instead of understanding.
I lurked here for months before signing up. I thought this site was for xjw's who mostly still believed in Jehovah. I knew there was some differences, but didn't have a clue that so many stopped believing in GOD. Serious questions about doctrine with valid concerns have been met with "No one cares" type of responses.
I do realize the experiences for most have left open gaping wounds, but healing will be harder with one's voice not being heard or validated. Sometimes it could feel like talking to one of the shody Elders in the former course of life. At the hall you weren't supposed to question or doubt. On here your questions and concerns can at times be made to seem idiotic.
Good thing most leave with a thicker skin.
I figure telling someone to "get over" the WTS experience, is not much difference than telling someone who was raped as an adult or as a child to get over it. It was a damaging experience never to be forgotten and not healthy to forget it and put yourself in danger again.
People in the cong have a very dismisssive attitude towards suffering. So yes it can be hurtfull to get the same trite responses from fellow survivors.
And you're right Blondie, I don't ever want to forget to the point of making myself vulnerable to a predator again.
Villagegirl: I was born-in as well, third generation. A ministerial servant twice. Briefly pioneered. Very studious for a JW, cramming notes in the margins of my KM. Being born-in means total information control from birth and knowing no other way of life.
